Why Comparison Is a Homeschooler's Worst Enemy
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If you’re comparing your homeschooled kids to public-school kids, at some point you’ll fret that your kids know less about something than the other kids know.
So try not to compare your kids because it’ll undermine your confidence and stress your children out.
The last thing you want them worrying about is being behind their schooled peers.
How the Comparison Begins
Maybe you chatted with other family members or friends to learn that their schooled children have already met certain milestones which yours haven’t.
Maybe you have a six-year-old who hasn’t begun to read, because he’s not developmentally ready to read, but all of his friends in school are reading.
Whatever the comparison is you have to remember that your children are on a different trajectory than their schooled peers.
If you find yourself worried that your children are behind, instead of falling into the trap of comparing your children, focus on the unusual things they have done or the particular interests they’ve developed because they’re homeschooling.
Maybe your eight-year-old son has learned 20 poems by heart or maybe he’s fallen in love with ancient history or maybe he’s memorized his list of prepositions!
Maybe your son has taken an interest in woodwork and has been building things like the homeschooled boy I know who has a collection of knives that he’s carved out of wood.
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”
The woodwork may seem irrelevant compared to reading, but it’s not.
This boy has developed an interest in and a passion for woodwork. A lot of children lack interests, but being interested in things lets kids discover what they are good at and what they enjoy doing.
He’s also developed his fine motor skills because it requires a lot of precision and control over the hands and fingers to carve wood with a knife.
He’s also learned perseverance because he not only carved from wood one knife, but he had a collection of knives. And they were daggers too, so he had also educated himself on the different kinds of knives.
He’s also developing his imagination, because he’s got to imagine the end product before he begins.
I’m illustrating the point that because something your child is learning isn’t part of the public school curriculum doesn’t make it useless, and it certainly doesn’t put him behind.
On the contrary, there are a lot of things children do in public schools that are useless like reading silly books and taking standardized tests.
Keep Your Blinders On
Keep in mind, too, that once your children are about nine or ten, your friends will begin to notice a difference between their children and yours. They might comment on what great readers your kids are, how they seem to love learning, and how mature and polite they are.
You’ll start to see your children pass their public-schooled peers up in various subjects, and that your children have a natural love of learning.
However, until then you’ve got to be patient and keep your blinders on.
Be like a race horse. To get to the finish line horses that might wear blinders, so they don’t become distracted or steer off course and lose the race.
Not that you’re in a race, but you do have a finish line. Your finish line is the day your children graduate from high school.
You don’t want to be distracted into thinking you’re doing a poor job when you’re not, or you’ll be at risk for never reaching the finish line.
Comparison is your enemy when you’re homeschooling. Focus on what you’re children have done, not on whether or not they’re doing the same things as their public-schooled peers.
(If they are doing the same things, you may have public-school approach to homeschooling.)
One thing you’ll notice amongst homeschoolers is that the conversations tend to be around the unique interests of the children rather than how one child compares to another.
You might hear about Shelly’s love of needlework or her obsession with the Ann Montgomery series. Or you’ll hear about Adam’s fascination with fencing or Medieval times, but you seldom hear parents comparing their children to one another.
Each child is unique, and their education should reflect their uniqueness.
Homeschooling parents might discuss different homeschooling books and programs, but you don’t usually find them comparing their children to one another.
Instead, the focus is more on individual pursuits and interests which is where it should be.
There’s no race to the top. There’s only hard work, focus, and diligence.
Along with a sound homeschooling plan, you want to focus on instilling good learning habits in your children, and their good habits will become their success.
Don’t worry about what their public-schooled peers are doing because there’s nothing to worry about!
☞ Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.
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Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and a Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach with 20+ years of experience working in children’s education.
Utilizing her unusual skill set, Elizabeth has developed a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents get it right.
She is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
