“Hope is the thing with feathers,” wrote Emily Dickinson. During a dark time like the one we are living through, it’s a poem that’s worth memorizing.
If you’ve ever lost hope, then you know it’s a very scary place to be. Without hope, we lose our will to live. Suicide rates are some of the highest in America, with its youngest victim, Samantha Kuberski, being six years of age.
She hung herself from a crib.
Children as young as five are experiencing anxiety and depression. Gen Z earned the reputation of being the most cynical generation in modern times, and who can blame them?
Yet, hope is a precious quality of the human spirit and the belief upon which resilience lies. There are many things wrong with the world, but hope is something we want to help our children preserve, because there is tremendous good in the world too and, as we know, difficulties pass.
The human spirit is capable of rising again, even when everything one loves in life is lost. There are several things we can do to help our children experience hope, so they don’t grow up to be cynical or succumb to despair.
“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
Serve Others
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the gift of serving others, because it gives us purpose in life and purpose keeps us going. When families were larger and lived closer together, helping others was a normal expectation of a child.
A child might be asked to get his grandfather a blanket, or to look after a younger sibling while his mother was busy in the kitchen, or to help an elderly neighbor carry her groceries into the house.
But with the myriad changes in society, such as grandparents moving into rest homes, children going to day care and preschools at early ages, and neighbors remaining strangers to one another, we no longer call on children for these things.
“It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. ”
Yet, when children help take care of others, it gives them a sense of purpose, and in purpose we find hope. Children will learn to think about others, to see the positive effect of their actions in people’s lives and to know that for those people, they matter greatly.
Silence Is Golden
When there are awful things happening in the world, it’s best to protect your children from knowing about them. What good does it serve them to hear about the “real life” brutalities of mankind, if it doesn’t affect them directly?
It’s fine in fairy tales or history books, because the cruelty is removed from the immediate world of the child, but hearing about these things in real time can be traumatic.
Telling our children about crime in our neighborhoods or war with other countries, or the struggle of inflation will only cause them emotional distress before they have the tools to handle it.
“No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.”
I grew up in Marin County, California in the 1960s and 70s. From the endless riots during the Civil Rights Movement to mass murders in California—when murders still made headlines—there was a lot of strange stuff going on.
As a child, I used to read the newspaper. I remember being frightened by the news and having nightmares about not being able to lock the doors in our house. Sixty years later, I can still have those very same nightmares!
I have no idea what the hard science says, but I don’t believe protecting a child’s innocence qualifies for coddling them. If it does, I would wager that the science is wrong.
Pets Are Good for the Heart
I never understood people who mourned the loss of a pet, until I had a pet of my own and lost him. Maybe you remember my little Don Quixote? Never a day went by that he did not make me laugh, and laugh hard. He was the funniest cat, ever.
When he showed up one night, meowing under my window because he had lost his mother, I brought him inside not knowing what a source of healing he would be for me and I for him.
Pets are critical to a child’s well-being. It’s not that a child isn’t well without a pet, but in this age of cynicism and despair, a pet gives a child hope. If all else seems dismal in life, a child will always look forward to his pet.
He will play, laugh, and cry with his pet. And he will always have a reason to get out of bed, because his pet will need caring for. As we don’t always know the workings of our children’s hearts, pets are a buffer against hard times. They are also a source of joy in a child’s life, so it’s a win-win.
The secret here is to give your child absolute responsibility for the pet. If you have more than one child, consider getting different kinds of pets, as long as they are pets the children can hold and bond with.
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Even if everything is falling apart around you, do your best to keep up a good front for your children. If not, they will see your sadness and assume wrongly that it is their fault.
They may sense you are sad about something, but as long as you do your best to smile and find moments of joy with them, it will reassure them that they are not to blame.
If times get tough, and they do now and then, build things into your day and week that you look forward to, because it will ease some of your troubles. It may be something as simple as having a hot cup of tea with a good book in the afternoon or having lunch with a friend, but try to keep your own state hopeful.
Mirroring hope for our children will help them learn how to stay hopeful too.
Rumi said, “It’s rigged — everything, in your favor. So there is nothing to worry about."
I believe this saying works for us collectively, too. There are so many variables in life we can't control, even in times of war. I've read of many battles lost and won because of the unexpected, such as the wind suddenly changing directions, someone becoming a traitor to his own people, or a sudden death of a leader.
We never know when the winds will change, we just know they'll change.
Below is Emily Dickinson’s poem about hope that you can help your children memorize today, and they can carry it with them throughout their lives.
"Hope" Is the Thing with Feathers
“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -
And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -
I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.
—Emily Dickinson
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