4 Reasons Your Kids Should Skip Trick-or-Treating→

I took my kids trick-or-treating on a few occasions, but the more I thought about the messages we were communicating to our kids, the more I began to think trick-or-treating might not be such a great idea.

Ironically, while growing up, Halloween was one of my favorite holidays. What kid doesn't like candy? Having a free-for-all candy night with no adult supervision was the equivalent of kid Heaven.

But that was then when Halloween was a lot more innocent. Between the food waste and the front lawn horror shows, I now stand on the side of those who think we should skip trick-or- treating.

Here are 4 good reasons for you to ponder:

#1 Health & Mixed Messages

Letting our children trick-or-treat contradicts our position that sugar is bad for their teeth and bad for them. We limit the sugar our children eat all year, but one day a year we give them a free rein to eat as much sugar as they want.

Here’s a shocking fact to put things in perspective: the average child consumes three cups of sugar on Halloween!

Eating Halloween candy is not limited to one night, either. For however long it takes them to get through their bag of candy, that's how many days they are filling their bodies with harmful amounts of sugar.

Allowing our children to trick or treat on Halloween and eat so much candy is not practicing what we preach, nor is it responsible parenting. I'm guilty too, but when the facts are on the table— wow.

One Dentist’s Strategy

I read that one dentist pays children $2.00 for every pound of Halloween candy they give him. While I can appreciate his intention, we have to consider the message gestures like these send our children.

We buy the candy, the kids knock on our doors, we give them the candy, and then the kids sell it to the dentist.

How can turning our kids into candy peddlers be a solution?

#2 Manners & Strangers

We teach our kids not to talk to strangers, and we teach them that it isn't polite to ask people for things, yet, one night a year we let our kids knock on the doors of strangers and ask them for candy.

As a mother reflecting on the idea of trick or treating, it strikes me as being a contradiction of everything we’ve taught our children thus far.

My Shameful Story

I had just turned twelve, and my best friend Bridget and I were famished after a long day of sitting in classrooms. At about 3:20 in the afternoon, as we were walking home with pangs of hunger, we had this bright idea.

It was Halloween which meant that we could quell our hunger pangs by trick-or-treating!

We knocked on the door of an apartment near our school, and an elderly woman opened the door. Very surprised to see us, she asked, "Isn't it a little early, girls?"

She gave us some candy anyway.

We teach our children that it's not polite to ask for things, yet, once a year we permit it. We teach our kids not to speak to strangers, yet, once a year we permit it. We teach our kids NEVER to take candy from a stranger, yet, once a year we permit it.

Of course, there are always exceptions to rules, but these are a lot of exceptions and all in one night.

#3 Corporate Horror Show

Halloween has become a creepy holiday. The decorations have become gothic and violent since the corporate world has recognized the money to be made on Halloween.

When we were little, we had innocent little costumes: princess and cowboy outfits. Sometimes we threw a sheet over our heads and went out as ghosts. There was nothing more than a pumpkin with a candle burning inside on the doorstep of each home.

Forty years later, my neighbor would put gravestones on his front lawn and skeletons that moved to look like they were coming out of graves. When we drove up the hill at night, the scene looked so real that my kids used to get scared.

So did I!

And that was a mild scene. My friend's neighbor would spend a fortune decorating his lawn until it looked like the scene out of a horror film. I used to wonder what on earth that man was thinking.

Halloween is supposed to be for kids, not psychopaths.

#4 Waste & Starvation

I like the idea of carving pumpkins, but should we be wasting food like that? With so much starvation and deprivation in the world, it seems insensitive to waste pumpkins for a night of amusement.

For Halloween, about 22.2 million pumpkins go to waste! At your average price of $5.00 per pumpkin, that's 111,000,000 dollars of food that we waste.

The average cost to feed one person per day in the US is supposed to be about $11.00 (seems very low); divided by 111, 000,000, we could feed 10 million people, roughly. (2022 stats)

My god, that's a shameful waste of pumpkins.

What Can Kids Do Instead of Trick-or-Treating?

1. Have a costume party

2. Start a local fund and ask people to donate $5.00—instead of buying a pumpkin—and then use the money to donate food to a local charity.

3. Study the history of Halloween, the practice of Halloween, and the contradictions of Halloween, and ask your children to take a position for or against it. Then let them have a debate with the opposing party or write an age-appropriate essay arguing their side of the argument.

What You Should Not Do

Don’t take a stance of moral superiority if you decide to skip Halloween.

I had a friend whose children would stay home on Halloween. When the neighborhood kids knocked on their door, they would offer candy and then explain why they didn’t celebrate Halloween.

The unspoken was that the family was morally superior to those who knocked on their door. I’m pretty sure that no one accepted candy from said family without feeling “less than.”

Instead, use it as an opportunity to teach your children that everyone is entitled to their beliefs and to their opinions, just as you and your children are entitled to their own.

While we may not always agree with other people, we need to respect other people’s ways because each person is born with an inherent dignity that is worthy of respect.

What do you think? Let me know in the comment section.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework for homeschooling brighter, happier, engaged kids who can get into the top 20 colleges and excel in their personal and professional lives.

Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Liz's unique course to raise a serious reader, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

For parents of younger children, who are concerned that their children develop well physically, emotionally, neurologically (brain), and intellectually, start with Liz’s original online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 23 years of experience working in education.

Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, Liz devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.

Liz is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling

4 Reasons Your Kids Should Skip Halloween This Year→

I took my kids trick-or-treating on a few occasions, but the more I thought about the messages we were communicating to our kids, the more I began to think trick-or-treating might not be such a great idea.

Ironically, while growing up, Halloween was one of my favorite holidays. What kid doesn't like candy? Having a free-for-all candy night with no adult supervision was the equivalent of kid Heaven.

But now, I stand on the side of those who think we should ban Halloween.

#1 Health & Mixed Messages

Letting our children trick-or-treat contradicts our position that sugar is bad for their teeth and bad for them. We limit the sugar our children eat all year, but one day a year we give them a free rein to eat as much sugar as they want.

Do you have any idea how much sugar they consume? The average child consumes three cups of sugar on Halloween!

Eating Halloween candy is not limited to one night, either. For however long it takes them to get through their bag of candy, that's how many days they are filling their bodies with harmful amounts of sugar.

The gross amount of sugar consumption creates severe sugar spikes in our children's blood levels, leaving them feeling not so well.

Overeating candy comes with the underconsumption of wholesome foods, which only exacerbates the problem.

Allowing our children to trick or treat on Halloween and eat so much candy is not practicing what we preach, nor is it responsible parenting. I'm guilty too, but when the facts are on the table— wow.

I read that one dentist pays children $2.00 for every pound of Halloween candy they give him. While I can appreciate the intention behind this gesture, is it sending our kids the right message?

We buy the candy, the kids knock on our doors, we give them the candy, and then the kids sell it to the dentist.

How can turning our kids into greedy candy peddlers be a solution?

#2 Manners & Strangers

We teach our kids not to talk to strangers, and we teach them that it isn't polite to ask people for things, yet, one night a year, we let our kids knock on the doors of strangers and ask them for candy.

One gutsy moment for me as a child happened on my way home from school. I had just turned twelve, and my best friend Bridget and I were famished after a long day of sitting in classrooms.

At about 3:20 in the afternoon, as we were walking home with stomach pains from hunger, we had this bright idea.

We could trick-or-treat!

We knocked on the door of an apartment near our school, and an elderly woman opened the door. Very surprised to see us, she asked, "Isn't it a little early, girls?"

She gave us some candy anyway.

As a mother reflecting on the idea of trick or treating, it strikes me as being a contradiction of everything we’ve taught our children thus far.

We teach them that it's not polite to ask for things, yet once a year, it is permitted. We teach our kids not to speak to strangers and NEVER to take candy from a stranger, yet once a year, it is permissible.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rules, but this one seems to go a little too far.

#3 Corporate Horror Show

Halloween has become a creepy holiday; the decorations have become gothic and violent since the corporate world has recognized it’s money-making potential.

When we were little, we had innocent little costumes: princesses and cowboy outfits. You could be a witch if you wanted, but the witch was harmless.

In my old neighborhood, a neighbor had gravestones on his front lawn and skeletons that moved and looked like they were coming out of graves. When we drove up the hill at night, my kids used to get scared because the scene looked so real.

So did I!

And that was a mild scene. My friend's neighbor in the town next to us would spend a fortune decorating his lawn until it looked like the scene out of a horror movie. I used to wonder what on earth that man was thinking.

Halloween is supposed to be for kids, not psychopaths.

#4 Waste & Starvation

I like the idea of carving pumpkins, but should we be wasting food like that? With so much starvation and deprivation in the world, it seems insensitive to waste pumpkins for a night of amusement.

For Halloween, about 22.2 million pumpkins go to waste! At your average price of $5.00 per pumpkin, that's 111,000,000 dollars of food that we waste.

The average cost to feed one person per day in the US is supposed to be about $11.00 (seems very low); divided by 111, 000,000, we could feed 10 million people, roughly. (2022 stats)

My god, that's shameful.

What Can Kids Do Instead of Trick or Treating?

1. Have a costume party

2. Start a local fund and ask people to donate $5.00—instead of buying a pumpkin—and then use the money to donate food to a local charity.

3. Study the history of Halloween, the practice of Halloween, and the contradictions of Halloween, and ask your children to take a position for or against it and write an age-appropriate essay.

What You Should Not Do

1. Don’t take a stance of moral superiority if you decide to skip Halloween.

I had a friend once whose children would stay home on Halloween. When the neighborhood kids knocked on their door, they would offer candy and then explain to them why they didn’t celebrate Halloween.

The unspoken was that the family was morally superior to those ill-fated enough to knock on their door, and no one accepted candy from that family without feeling a little less good about themselves.

Instead, teach your children that everyone is entitled to their beliefs and to their opinions, just as your children are entitled to their own.

While your children may not always agree with other people, they do need to respect other people’s ways because each person on earth is worthy of being treated with respect and dignity.

And lastly, if you decide to skip Halloween, don’t give candy to other people’s children. Put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on your door and leave it at that.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Elizabeth will make homeschooling manageable for you. She’ll guide you in helping your kids reach their intellectual potential and developing good character.

As a homeschooler, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated knowing you have the tools and support you need to homeschool successfully.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, Elizabeth has 21+ years of experience working in education.

Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, she devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling

5 Reasons Why Leisure Time Matters More than Extra-Curricular Activities

We over schedule our children and fail to recognize the inherent harm in making extra-curricular activities a priority in our family's life.

Let's look at the consequences of hyper-scheduling our kids.

1. Stress levels increase for everyone

2. No one has time to discover the simple pleasures of life

3. Family time is compromised

4. Too Many Missed Family Meals 

5. Exhaustion

Yet, our minds and our bodies crave and need downtime to relax and experience life at a slower pace. Our children's needs aren't any different.

Why Leisure Time Matters More

Hobbies

Children need leisure time to learn how to entertain themselves with hobbies like needlepoint, knitting, collecting stamps, or building model airplanes. Maybe they want to explore the outdoors or build something from scratch. Hobbies give us something to look forward to no matter how young or how old we are. During rough patches in life, our hobbies will keep us moving forward.

Social Skills

Leisure time also allows children to go outdoors and play with the neighborhood kids or visit a friend, both of which are crucial to developing good social skills. 

“Time is a game played beautifully by children.”

— Heraclitus

Read a Book

And sometimes, like us, a child just wants to lie down and read a book. There are a lot of reasons why children don't read today, but one of them may be that they don’t have enough leisure time to develop the habit of reading.

Family Time

When each child has multiple extra-curricular activities, there's little time for shared activities as a family. 

Your family time begins to revolve around extra-curricular activities; in other words, family life becomes less o a priority than extra-curricular activities.

Exhaustion

Some children need more downtime than others. The over-scheduling of their day can result in fatigue and a loss of enthusiasm. The underlying stress of having too much to do can make them irritable and unpleasant to be around.

We all know what it feels like to be exhausted!

Too Many Missed Family Meals

Often the extra-curricular activities take place in the evenings leaving no one home to cook or serve a family meal. Consequently, the family eats with dad while you rush Tommy to soccer practice. 

We know the importance of family meals for children. The more family meals you share, the fewer problems your kids will have. Children need to feel emotionally connected to their family, and meal times is one of the critical ways in which they can connect.

According to research, having family meals at least 4 times a week lowers the risk of obesity, substance abuse, eating disorders, and an increased chance of graduating from high school.

Putting It into Perspective

What's more important at the end of the day?

When your children are grown will it be more important that your kids were in a lot of activities or that your family has a strong bond which keeps you together whether your kids live near you or not.

Instead of over-scheduling your children, in addition to their homeschooling subjects, which would include sports, let them take one class in something they enjoy doing. But don’t let their classes interfere with meal times or weekend activities.

And make sure your children have enough leisure time to figure out where their interests lie and what they're good at. 

“If you are losing your leisure, look out! — It may be you are losing your soul.”

— Virginia Woolf

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Elizabeth will make homeschooling manageable for you. She’ll guide you in helping your kids reach their intellectual potential and developing good character.

As a homeschooler, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated knowing you have the tools and support you need to homeschool successfully.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, Elizabeth has 21+ years of experience working in education.

She has developed a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.

Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

Should We Ban Trick-or-Treating?→

I took my kids trick-or-treating on a few occasions, but the more I thought about the messages we were communicating to our kids, the more I began to think trick-or-treating might not be such a great idea.

Ironically, while growing up, Halloween was one of my favorite holidays. What kid doesn't like candy? Having a free-for-all candy night with no adult supervision was the equivalent of kid Heaven.

But now, I stand on the side of those who think we should ban trick-or-treating.

#1 Reason to Ban Trick-or-Treating

Letting our children trick-or-treat contradicts our position that sugar is bad for their teeth and bad for them. We limit the sugar our children eat all year, but one day a year we give them a free rein to eat as much sugar as they want.

Do you have any idea how much sugar they consume? The average kid consumes three cups of sugar on Halloween!

Eating Halloween candy is not limited to one night, either. For however long it takes them to get through their bag of candy, that's how many days they are filling their bodies with harmful amounts of sugar.

The gross amount of sugar consumption creates severe sugar spikes in our children's blood levels, leaving them feeling not so well.

Overeating candy comes with the underconsumption of wholesome foods, which only exacerbates the problem.

Allowing our children to trick or treat on Halloween and eat so much candy is not practicing what we preach, nor is it responsible parenting. I'm guilty too, but when the facts are on the table—wow.

I read that one dentist pays children $2.00 for every pound of Halloween candy they give him. While I can appreciate the intention behind this gesture, is it sending our kids the right message?

We buy the candy, the kids knock on our doors, we give them the candy, and then the kids sell it to the dentist.

How can turning our kids into greedy candy peddlers be a solution? Greed is the #1 problem in the world today, and we are all suffering because of it. We don't want to encourage greediness in our children, do we?

#2 Reason to Ban Trick-or-Treating

We teach our kids not to talk to strangers, and we teach them that it isn't polite to ask people for things, yet, one night a year, we let our kids knock on the doors of strangers and ask them for candy.

One shameful moment for me as a kid happened one day on my way home from school. I had just turned twelve, and my best friend Bridget and I were famished after a long day sitting in classrooms.

At about 3:20 in the afternoon, as we were walking home with grumbling stomachs, we had this bright idea.

We could trick-or-treat!

We knocked on the door of an apartment near our school, and an elderly woman opened the door. Very surprised to see us, she asked, "Isn't it a little early, girls?" She gave us some candy anyway.

As an adult looking back, not just on that isolated incident but on the idea of knocking on a stranger's door and asking for candy, isn't this a contradiction?

We teach our kids not to speak to strangers and NEVER to take candy from a stranger, yet once a year, it is permissible. We teach them that it's not polite to ask for things, yet once a year, it is permitted.

#3 Reason to Ban Trick-or-Treating

But here's the crux of the matter: Halloween is a creepy holiday; it has gotten even creepier since the corporate world has taken it more seriously.

In my old neighborhood, a neighbor had gravestones on his front lawn and skeletons that moved and looked like they were coming out of graves. When we drove up the hill at night, my kids used to get scared because the scene looked so real.

So did I!

And that was a mild scene. My friend's neighbor in the town next to us would spend a fortune decorating his lawn until it looked like the scene out of a horror movie. I used to wonder what on earth that man was thinking.

Halloween is supposed to be for kids, not psychopaths.

I like the idea of carving pumpkins, but should we be wasting food like that? With so much starvation and deprivation in the world, it seems insensitive to waste pumpkins for a night of amusement.

For Halloween, about 22.2 million pumpkins go to waste! At your average price of $5.00 per pumpkin, that's 111,000,000 dollars of food that we waste. The average cost to feed one person per day in the US is supposed to be about $11.00 (seems very low); divided by 111, 000,000, we could feed 10 million people, roughly.

My god, that's shameful.

On second thought, we should ban Halloween.

☞ Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents of school-age children, we guide you in homeschooling with the classics to raise more intelligent children of a better character.

Enroll using the link below and feel confident knowing you have the guidance and support you need to homeschool successfully.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with our online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and a Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach with 20+ years of experience working in children’s education.

Utilizing her unusual skill set, Elizabeth has developed a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.

She is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

“Elizabeth has given us counseling and guidance to help us succeed with our home school planning. When I feel overwhelmed, scared, or lose my confidence, she offers words of wisdom and support.”

— Sherry B., Pittsburg, PA

3 Criteria for Choosing a Good Children’s Book→

Our great books for children have been replaced by silly books or books that give children the wrong ideas about what it means to be a civilized human being.

For example, there is a children’s book titled My Dad is a B***head that sells pretty well on Amazon.

While it's important that you read often to your child when he's young, it’s also important to know what kind of books to choose for your children.

3 Criteria for Choosing a Good Book

Below are three criteria for discriminating between a good children’s book and one that should be relegated to the junk pile.

Elevate His Mind

Literature should elevate a child's mind, not debase it. He should encounter heroes and heroines that are worthy of emulation. 

The characters should be kind-hearted, ethical, and well-mannered. Think of Pollyanna, Anne of Green Gables, and Little Lord Fauntleroy. 

Teach Language Skills

Literature should teach children excellent language skills and help to develop your child’s vocabulary.

As he grows older and comes across words such as philanthropist, humiliation, valiant, nautical, or grave, he'll already be familiar with them. 

Test your ten-year-old now. Is your child familiar with these words? If not, you may want to reevaluate the kind of literature you're exposing him to.

Respect

The attitude the characters have towards parents, adults, and authority should be one of reverence, respect, and obedience. 

Any child's book that features ill-mannered, vulgar children as the hero or heroine should not be allowed. 

THE UNDERLYING CONCERN

The bigger problem with the B***head story is that it was written by a father, to his son.

“To raise respectful children, you must be a good leader.”

— John Rosemond

This is the plight many parents find themselves in today; they fail to be effective leaders and role models to their children.

We need to understand what makes a decent person, what makes a happy person, what makes a successful person, and then we need to do our best to provide a suitable environment for our child to become this person.

Supplying children with quality literature is one place to start.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework to raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of better character.

As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated. She also provides you with the tools and support you need to homeschool successfully.

Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.

Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.

Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling

5 Reasons Your Family’s Dinnertime Meal Is a Serious Matter→

All happy families share one thing in common: dinnertime is prime time for the family.

They come together to share a meal, but the food is not what's most important; it’s what happens before, during, and after the meal that matters a lot. In fact, the family dinner meal is a serious matter, not to be taken lightly.

As dinnertime is when many things that are key to your family's overall happiness occur, here are five reasons you never want to miss having a dinnertime meal for your family:

“The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation, consideration, tolerance, family feeling, and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet.”

— Judith Martin

1) Family Togetherness Makes Kids Feel Secure

Dinnertime is usually the only meal that dad is present for during the week making it a special event, especially for the children. Dads are gone all day, presumably at work, and when they come home, it is a big excitement for the children.

When everyone is seated at the table, the children feel a sense of security having both parents present and knowing that their family is together. With so much divorce present in our culture, this is even more important now that children feel a strong sense of togetherness in the family, and the dinnertime ritual will provide this.

2) A Time for Sharing

Dinnertime is a time when each family member can share their joys and sorrows of the day and feel the comfort in knowing that there are people who care about how their day went and can share in their day's experiences. It’s a time for pleasant conversation and an important time for children to develop their social skills.

“The dinner hour is a sacred, happy time when everyone should be together and relaxed.”

— Julia Child

3) Practice in Good Manners

Dinnertime is prime time for teaching children table manners. We forget the importance of table manners because good manners are disappearing from our increasingly uncivil society, but good manners are what hold the glue of a family together.

Without practicing common courtesy towards one another, disrespect reigns, and all hell breaks loose. If you want to avoid family quarrels and division, teach your children good manners and practice them yourself. Let them see you and your spouse treat each other courteously, and they will follow in-suit. You never want to tolerate bad manners, ever.

4) Balanced Meals Lead to Good Health

Dinnertime is an essential meal for ensuring your children get proper nourishment which implies that you teach them to eat what you serve them. Well-mannered children do not get special meals because they are "picky" eaters or have an "aversion" to certain kinds of foods.

Unless a child has a legitimate food allergy, teach them to eat what is on their plate without complaint. As long as the child has molars and is old enough to sit at the dinner table, there is no such thing as "baby" food. There is food, full stop.

5) Cooperation and Responsibility

Dinnertime is a time for children to learn cooperation and responsibility. Each child should have chores they perform at mealtimes. Depending upon their age, they can help prepare the food, set the table, serve the food, clear the table, wash the dishes, and clean the kitchen, including emptying the garbage at the end of the day.

Chores teach children responsibility, and they also teach them to cooperate with others in making a helpful contribution towards the care of the family.

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”

— Oscar Wilde

If getting meals on the table each day and on time is a struggle for you, then you want to take some time to get better organized and disciplined about the planning, shopping, and preparation of your meals.

Decide on your menu a week in advance, do your shopping in advance, and pick a time for dinner that lets you work backward, so you know at precisely what time you have to start preparing dinner. 

Stick to this time, no matter what else happens that day. If an emergency should arise, always have a quick backup meal available, so you don't miss the dinnertime ritual. If you do miss it once, don't miss it twice.

The more days in a row that you miss, the more likely you will be to fall into old patterns of erratic mealtimes, which translate into missed opportunities for your family to flourish and grow. 

A Time Saver for You

If you need a helping hand, I've prepared a free download for you. It's a shopping check-off list that my friend Jason created. His wife Maureen never misses a family meal, and I believe that Jason's ingenious list has a lot to do with it. 

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with our online course, Raise Your Child Well to Live a Triumphant Life.

Become a Smart Homeschooler and give your child a first-rate, screen-free education at home using the Smart Homeschooler Academy Curriculum and teaching methods taught in the program. Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course and feel secure knowing that you have what you need to homeschool successfully as well as live ongoing support from Elizabeth.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and a Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach with 20 years of experience working in children’s education.

Utilizing her unusual skill set, coupled with her unique combination of mentors, Elizabeth has developed her own comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

☞ Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

Why You Shouldn't Focus on Your Child's Happiness

I believe it was Isocrates who said that the healthy child wants to become an adult. In raising our children well, we must teach them how to act and think like mature people.

Yet, the phrase we hear most often repeated is this: 

"I just want him to be happy." 

But if you think about it, it isn't what you most want. What you most want is that he grows up to be a decent, hard-working, mature adult. If you raise him to become these things, then happiness will follow.

As the ancients understood and current research now proves, happiness is found in living a virtuous life. The modern pursuit of pleasure and good times, it turns out, is just a myth being thrust upon us by very sophisticated and manipulative marketing techniques.

Contrary to this empty rhetoric, a good life does not come from the pursuit and acquisition of pleasure, in whatever form you desire, but it comes from being a virtuous person. As the concept of "virtue" seems to be an idea that’s gone out of fashion, let me share with you some of the qualities that a virtuous person might possess:

Humility, courage, mercy, patience, tolerance, diligence, and generosity. These are some of the qualities a truly “happy” person might embody.

To inculcate these kind of qualities in your child, you must begin when he is very young.

You must train him in the way of good habits, and then, and only then, will you be able to raise a happy child who later becomes a happy adult. One state naturally follows the other. 

What is the key to raising a child with good habits?

Raise a child who is obedient and does the right thing, not from fear of you, but from a deep love and respect for you. 

We don't need behavioral studies to prove this; we need to pay attention. A child who is always complaining and throwing tantrums and always asking for this and that is not a happy child, is he? Nor is the child who is always doing what he is told not to do. 

However, the kind of training that protects from these unhappy states must start when your child is very young. You should begin training your child in the ways of good behavior as soon as he or she turns two years of age.

If you wait until much later to begin, the training process becomes increasingly more difficult. Waiting too long means you will need to correct bad habits first and then work on instilling the good habits in your child.

It’s a much more tedious and frustrating experience to correct bad habits than it is to avoid them from forming in the first place.

“Give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the man.”

— Aristotle

If you fail to raise your child well, then he will be destined to spend the rest of his life working to correct deeply ingrained negative traits (a lifetime pursuit and not for the easily discouraged). Even worse, he will perpetuate and suffer the ills in life (as will everyone he encounters) that arise from not being a good person.

You see, the opposite of the virtuous person would be the wretched one who will never know any real happiness. We've all known wretched people, especially as they get older and nature carves their wretched states into their faces. We certainly don't want this for our children!

In a nutshell, if you focus on the happiness factor when your child is young, you will fail to raise a happy child. Focus on raising a decent child first, and his happiness will follow. 

If you don't know where to begin, do this: throw out all of your parenting books and stop asking your friends for advice (the latter is the equivalent of the blind leading the blind).  Moving forward, begin to think about the consequences of your actions as a parent.

Start asking yourself questions such as, "If I do this, then what is the message I am giving my child?" If I let him do this, then what am I teaching him about his behavior and the journey of life?"

For example, this may surprise you to know that many parents look to their children's desires to decide how they should educate them. I know this for a fact (no studies done, yet) because the parents say things to me like, "I thought about homeschooling, but he wanted to go to school with his neighborhood friends," or "I thought about homeschooling, but he's so social, and I think he'd be happier in school."

How you educate your child is a huge decision that will alter the course of his life, but he is too young to make such a life-changing decision. You are the adult; this is your decision to make for your child. 

It doesn't matter if he prefers to go to school with friends or that you think he would be happier in school because he has friends to socialize with every day. What matters is whether or not a school is the best place for your child or whether another option might be such as homeschooling.

You have to weigh the pros and cons accurately and objectively before you make this kind of a decision.

Base your decision upon your values and what you want for your children. If you want to raise decent children, you have to consider the moral environment of the child.

If you're going to raise highly intelligent children, you have to evaluate the level of academic training a school offers. If you want both, then you have to look for an educational model that provides both,

If you only care about your child's immediate happiness, then you can let him make this decision. 

I used the example of educational decisions because I hear about them a lot, but the truth is that there are many decisions we let our children make every day, such as when they can finish playing; when they need to do their chores; when they need to get ready for bed. 

Instead of training them to understand that these are non-negotiable commands we make of our children, we go to the negotiating table with them and let them argue their case for an extension of time for whatever it is they want to do.

We also exhaust ourselves in the process, which is one reason parents find raising children so challenging today. It's always tiring to have to argue with someone and then give in to them when they should have done what you asked them to do in the first place.

Children need most, and what they don't have enough of are adults who guide them on their way to maturity by concerning themselves less with whether or not their children are happy and more with whether or not the parents are training their children well.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

— Aristotle

The point to childhood is to prepare for adulthood; you should be less concerned about making a child happy and more concerned about raising a child who grows up to be a responsible, honorable, and mature adult.

It's not uncommon today to see grown children well into their 30's, or 40's still living at home because they can't make it on their own. The other day, my 30-something chiropractor told me that half of his friends still live at home.

I know of many situations where the parents still have aging children at home. An offspring well into adulthood and living at home out of necessity was unheard of when I was young.

Literally.

Make your priority for your children less about their happiness and more about behaving well and doing the right thing.

If you do, the chances are strong that you'll be able to enjoy your golden years knowing your kids are doing well and on the way to acquiring the kind of happiness that comes from living a good life.

*****

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Become a Smart Homeschooler, literally, and give your child a first-rate, screen-free education at home and enjoy doing it. Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course.

For parents of children under age seven, Raise Your Child Well to Live a Triumphant Life, course will be open again sometime in March, 2021.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler, a lover of the classics, and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 19 years of experience working in children’s education.

Utilizing her unusual skill set, coupled with the unique mentors she was fortunate to have, Elizabeth has developed a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

☞ Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

Why You Should Say No to Extra-Curricular Activities

Do you like having too much to do; running here and there with no time to catch your breath?

I don't either, yet, isn't this what we do to our children? We over-schedule them.

We run Tommy to soccer practice, Anna to ballet, Joseph to swimming lessons, and then Tommy to his reading tutor, Anna to her riding lessons, and Joseph to his playgroup.

All this after everything the kids have to do, including chores and school / homeschool work. 

It becomes a full day for everyone; you're exhausted, your kids are tired, and yet the extra-curricular activities continue because that's what everyone does today.

We over schedule our children and fail to recognize the implications of making extra-curricular activities a priority in our family's life.

Let's look at the consequences of hyper-scheduling our kids.

• Stress levels increase for everyone

• No one has leisure time to pursue the simple pleasures in life

• Family time is compromised

• Skipped Family Meals 

• The energy expenditure leaves everyone exhausted

It's stressful to always be on the go. Our minds and our bodies crave and need downtime when we can relax and experience life at a slower pace. Children's needs aren't any different.

Why Leisure Time Matters More

Hobbies

Children need leisure time to use their creative minds to learn how to entertain themselves with hobbies like needlepoint, knitting, collecting stamps, or building model airplanes. 

Social Skills

Leisure time also allows children to go outdoors and play with the neighborhood kids or visit a friend, both of which are crucial to developing excellent social skills. 

And sometimes, like us, a child just wants to lie down and read a book. 

Read a Book

There are a lot of reasons why children don't read today, but is one of them because they haven't had enough leisure time to develop the habit of reading?

Family Time

When each child has different extra-curricular activities, there's little time for shared activities as a family. 

If you're rushing to get Anna to ballet, you have no time for an afternoon reading with your children or taking them to the park in the afternoon. 

Your family life begins to take place around extra-curricular activities; in other words, family life is not a priority for your family; extra-curricular activities are.

Lack of Energy

Some children need more downtime than others. The over-scheduling of their day can result in fatigue and a loss of enthusiasm. 

Skipped Family Meals

Often the extra-curricular activities take place in the evenings leaving no one home to cook or serve a family meal. Consequently, the family eats with dad while you rush Tommy to soccer practice. 

Putting It into Perspective

What's more important at the end of the day?

When your children are grown and gone, will it be that Tommy was a good soccer player or that your child was a responsible and active member of your family and that your family shared a close bond?

The latter is vital to everyone's well-being especially your children. Instead of over-scheduling them, let them each take one class, don't let it interfere with meal times or weekend activities, and make sure your children have enough leisure time to figure out what they enjoy doing, what they're good at, and ultimately, who they are. 

Let them unwind, gather their thoughts, settle their minds, and have enough time to replenish their energy and be ready to get up the next day and do it again.

With enthusiasm, not dread. 

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader, free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child an elite education at home.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education. She has two successfully homeschooled children in college.

10 Books Every Concerned Parent Should Read

The world is a little topsy-turvy right now especially when it comes to raising and educating our children.

The following books were carefully chosen as a guide to help you navigate some of the issues you will face as a parent living in the West.

1. Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate, M.D.

In trying to understand why children no longer revere their parents in the same way that my parent's generation revered their parents, I turned to Neufeld and Mate's book, Hold On to Your Kids.

Part of the answer lies within the pages of this book and will help you understand why peer pressure is so real, and how you can lose your children to peer pressure. It also contains some suggestions for how to protect the bond between you and your children. 

While their solutions are somewhat naive, if I may be so bold as to say that, the authors delineate a very real situation that every parent should understand.

2. Recovering the Lost Tools of Learning by Dorothy Sayers

This essay is Dorothy Sayer's famous critique of modern education using her great wit and brilliant insight. It's amusing as well as informative.

To raise the standard for your child's education, you need first to understand what level of academic work he's capable of doing. There's no better way to do this than to ignore the standards of modern education, and, instead, look at what school children used to learn. 

3. The Disappearance of Childhood by Neil Postman

Neil Postman was a perceptive social critic who argued that childhood was disappearing. The reason for the disappearance was the blurred lines that technology created by exposing children to the adult world too soon.

With the loss of childhood also came the loss of adulthood, which continues to present a significant problem for our society's ability to remain civil. 

4. Gwynne's Latin by N. M. Gwynne - The Introduction

Mr. Gwynne is an expert on the subject of the Latin language. He tells stories of having studied Latin for 90 minutes a day, five days a week as a schoolboy.

By the time I (and later, you) went to school, they had eliminated Latin from the curriculum. To our detriment, too, because without the study of Latin, you can never fully understand or appreciate the English language. 

People who learn Latin are better educated. It's a simple fact. The reason you should read his introduction to his Latin book is that he will give you an irrefutable argument for why you should have your children learn Latin. You can study it, too, as I do–it's never too late.

5. The Underground History of American Education by John Taylor Gatto

Gatto's opus work tells the story of how a sub-standard modern education came to be, and why you must understand it's origins so you can make informed decisions for your children when it comes to deciding how you want to educate them. 

I prefer Gatto's original work over the newly revised work of the same title. Buy a copy of the older book, if you can. His newer version was written during his last years, and intended as a three-volume set, but, sadly, he never finished it. 

6. The Platonic Tradition by Peter Kreeft

You may be wondering why I included this title? It's vital to Western civilization that we understand the ideas upon which our civilization was built so that we can protect them when they're under threat of being undermined as they are today.

We also need to pass this understanding onto our children, so they are not easily swayed by the high falutin rhetoric that robs us of our civil liberties under the guise of equality. Kreeft's book will correct the errors in understanding that brought us to where we are today.

7. Glow Kids by Nicholas Kardaras, Ph.D.

A ground-breaking book that exposes the technology industry for what it is, and the harm it's inflicting on our children during their most vulnerable years. Protect your child by reading this book and passing it on to your friends to read. We need a no-tech revolution, at least no tech in the lives of children. 

8. How to Read a Book by Mortimer Adler and Charles Van Doren

The title seems like an oxymoron, but it's not. The authors acknowledge our ability to read but also our failure to read with deep understanding. We were never taught the skill of reading beyond a rudimentary level, and this is the gap How to Read a Book attempts to fill. 

They will show you how to tackle a book in a way that will make it your own. Especially if you plan on homeschooling, you want to learn this skill so you can teach it to your children when they get older. 

9. Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto

Dumbing Us Down was Gatto's landmark book when he first entered the world of non-schooling education. He writes an easy-to-read book about the problems with modern education and why you should consider alternatives to a "school-like" training for your child.

Whether you do or not, you should understand the system so you can help your child navigate it if you decide to put him or her into school.

10. The Leipzig Connection by Paolo Lionni

How modern psychology removed the soul from the study of psychology and then coupled that soul-less subject with the department of modern education and the subsequent impact it has had on children's education. An important read!

Some of these books are inexpensive, some are more expensive, but they are all worth reading.

Receive a free download with the titles and links to 10 Books Every Concerned Parent Should Read.

Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child an elite education at home.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education. She has two successfully homeschooled children in college.

A Simple Home Adjustment to Nurture Lifelong Sibling Friendships

We have happiness down to a science now: a fulfilling marriage, a tight-knit family, supportive friends, and meaningful work. 

(A tall order, possibly?) 

There is one element, though, that's more vital than the others; it's the element of a loving family. 

You may not have the most dynamic marriage in the world, you may not have the most fulfilling work, you may not even have a lot of supportive friends, but if you've got a solid family, you have a haven of people you love and who love you and who's company brings you comfort.

“The strength of family isn’t determined by the number of members, but rather by the amount of love given and received.”

— Anonymous

And that’s a lot. 

But what makes for a loving family? Many things do but the vital component we tend to overlook fostering is closeness. The siblings in solid families tend to be close to one another.

One of the ways you can foster closeness amongst siblings is by having them share a bedroom. 

When did this idea that every child needed a separate room creep into our society? We used to build smaller homes and larger yards and have more closely-knit families.

The children shared bedrooms, and they had a lot of space outside for play and exploration.

Now we build bigger homes with miniature yards, and each child is tucked away into his private bedroom. 

6 Advantages to Shared Bedrooms

Sharing a bedroom with a sibling provides a child with many advantages including a closeness you won't get living down the hall from one another. 

1) Sharing a bedroom teaches a child to be considerate. 

Unless he wants to battle constantly with his sibling, a child quickly learns to keep his things where they belong and to respect another persons' space. 

2) Sharing a bedroom fosters the habit of sharing

Children share bedrooms, so sharing is a daily event in their lives. They learn to share a small space, and they figure out how they have to behave to get along with one another in this little space. 

After all, someday they will grow up and either be a co-worker, a roommate, or a spouse, all of which require learning to share close-quarters peacefully.

3) Night time chats build closeness

“We didn’t realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun. ”

— Winnie the Pooh

Kids will stay up at night chatting after the lights are out.

After hours conversations are crucial bonding time when kids discuss things that happened during the day, or maybe they talk about things they'll do tomorrow, or they confidentially share their dreams for the future. 

If you're worried that your children won't get enough sleep, and if you know they are going to chat after hours (while pretending you are unawares), you might consider putting them to bed a half an hour earlier rather than battle with them to be quiet at night. 

4) Negotiating the problems

Sometimes they even fight in their bedroom, and they learn how to resolve their squabbles without parental intervention. Unsupervised disagreements teach them the art of negotiation, which is a vital skill to acquire. Life is a series of negotiations. 

5) Developing independent spirits

 Bedroom time is their private time away from the supervision of the adults where siblings can discuss and do anything they want, within reason. It fosters a sense of independence which is important for a life well lived.

6) The Boogey Man

Some children feel uncomfortable at night and may even wake up in the middle of the night, but having a sibling in the room quiets this discomfort and makes them feel safe.

It's a funny phenomenon that having someone else in the room makes us feel safe even if the person is too young or too old to protect us. It's not any different for a child. 

A Family of Best Friends

Recently, I went to the wedding of a young woman I've known since she was a child. Each of her sisters spoke at her wedding. They each spoke about different things, but there was a common theme.

The theme was one of friendship. Each of the girls referred to her sisters as her "best" friends. 

“Friends come and go, but brothers (sisters) are forever.”

— Anonymous

They were from a low-income family who could only afford a two-bedroom apartment. One room was for the parents, and the other room was for the three girls. 

The girls spoke about how they stayed up after the lights went out chatting about everything from what they would wear the next day to who they would marry when they grew up.

Would they have been as close if they'd grown up in a 4000 Sq ft house, and each girl had a separate bedroom?

I would bet my life that they would not. 

With the breakdown of family bonds today, you want to do everything you can to ensure your children are close friends. Having them share a bedroom is one way to accomplish this. 

People want bigger and bigger houses today, but smaller homes are where the stronger bonds are built. 

Have you got your free copy of How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader? It comes with an 80+ book list of carefully chosen books to support your child’s intellectual development.

Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Teach Your Children to Cook!

In each home, around in the world, there is nothing more comforting than the smell of delightful aromas coming from the kitchen.

Yet, so many girls and boys are coming of age and do not know how to cook. What's more, young women seem to see it as a sign of their liberation. 

Being dependent upon other people for food is not a sign of liberation; it's a sign that you don't know how to do something as fundamental as providing a home-cooked meal for yourself, nor for anyone else. 

“If you are a chef, no matter how good a chef you are, it’s not good cooking for yourself; the joy is in cooking for others - it’s the same with music.”

— will.i.am

The irony is that children love to cook. Why are they coming-of-age bereft of this skill? Let's not dwell on the reasons here, but let's work quickly to fix the problem.

7 Easy Steps to Teach Your Child how to Cook

Step 1) Correct the Problem

It begins with you. If you're a mother who is not providing nourishing meals for her family, you must first learn to correct this.

(The variables of family are too numerous today to keep up with, hence, we'll take the less-complicated version: mom cooks and dad brings home the bread.)

YouTube is full of chefs dying to teach you how to cook. By studying two or three of their recipes, you will completely change the environment in your home and be cooking 5-star meals before you know it. 

Now that your children have a role model to emulate, you can begin to teach little John and little Mary how to cook a meal or two.

Step 2) First Teach Them Only What Their Hands Can Do

In the beginning, you'll have them do things like shell peas and tear up lettuce for the salad. Before they are old enough to be responsible with a knife, you'll have them do any task that doesn't involve sharp items.

Step 3) Peeling Progression

Around the age of six, you can show them how to peel potatoes, carrots, cucumbers, and anything else you can think of. Let the peeling of anything become their domain. 

By the way, these are not chores. Helping to prepare the food should be seen as fun time in the kitchen with mom (which means that you should NEVER complain about having to make dinner).

Step 4) Salad’s On

By the age of seven or eight, if not sooner, they should be able to prepare a salad on their own. Give your children the task of making the salad once or twice a week, or more often if you prefer. 

Step 5) Carbs Galore

Next come the preparation and cooking of the rice and potatoes. This next step involves the stovetop, so they have to be old enough to handle a flame. If you have a gas top, the pressing concern here is that they are responsible and focused enough to remember to turn the flame all the way off. 

If not, you should supervise them until they are. In the meantime, show your children how to rinse the rice. Next, show them how to measure the water, bring the rice to a boil, cover and let simmer for 20 minutes. There are tricks to making a perfect bowl of rice, so if you know these tricks (I don't), then be sure to include them. 

Next, they can learn to make mashed potatoes. They peel, wash, and boil the potatoes. Drain the potatoes (you may have to help here, because the pan may be too heavy for them), add butter and milk and mash. If you don't like mashing potatoes, the good news is that children love it. You will never have to mash potatoes again.

Step 6) The Big Fish

Next, show them how to prepare the main dish. I recommend beginning with fish, which is less complicated to prepare. Show John and Jane how to wash the fish, put it in a baking dish, make the sauce, pour it over the fish, and cook it. 

Step 7) Early Graduation

Once they complete all three of these steps successfully, you are now ready to grant your children the privilege of cooking an entire meal. They should be around nine or ten by this time (could be sooner!).

You now get to sit back, enjoy a cup of tea and some conversation with your spouse, and wait for what will soon be a delicious meal.

Moving forward, let your children take over the kitchen at least one night during the week to learn how to master the art of cooking and to give yourself a break. 

“A chef’s palate is born out of his childhood, and one thing all chefs have in common is a mother who can cook.”

— Marco Pierre White

By the time your children are 11 and 13, they should be able to handle an entire Thanksgiving dinner for ten people all by themselves. 

I only know this because when my children were these ages, I was recovering from the flu and not up to cooking our annual Thanksgiving dinner. 

I was lying in bed the day before Thanksgiving, and, while not contagious anymore, I was still exhausted. My intention was to call my guests that morning and let them know that I  wouldn't be able to host the Thanksgiving dinner that year.

My daughter came in quietly and said in a low voice, Mom, do you think I could make the Thanksgiving dinner, so we don't have to cancel our party?"

"Do you think you can handle it?" I ask, quite frankly, incredulously. 

"Yes," I'm sure I can."

"Then I think it's a fabulous idea!"

“Always remember: If you’re alone in the kitchen and you drop the lamb, you can always just pick it up. Who’s going to know?”

— Julia Child

Truthfully, and I'm not the kind of mother who exaggerates her children's accomplishments, but it was one of the best Thanksgiving dinners ever. 

The other point to mention is that, at their ages, it would never have occurred to me that they could handle a meal of this magnitude. 

Homeschooled kids, I have found, are like this. Nothing is ever too big to tackle. By the time they reach the teens, if homeschooled well, they will know how to teach themselves just about anything one can learn, within reason. 

One warning, though: while your children are capable of cooking a full meal long before they will be ready to move out, you don't want to give up your place in the kitchen for more than one or two nights a week. 

There will never be anything as comforting as "mom" in the kitchen, whipping up a fabulous meal. No one can fill the shoes of your child's mother, ever. 

They're your shoes to walk in; enjoy the journey.

Don’t miss your copy of:  Top Ten YouTube Cooking Channels. With the download, you’ll also get a link to a great film about a famous chef that’s guaranteed to inspire you.

Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

I Want to Sing Like the Birds

Happy New Year!

I love the New Year because it’s a time of hope and renewal. It’s also a perfect time to take stock of how we’re showing up in our families and make adjustments where necessary.

We only get one chance to build a functional family. We want to do the best job we can do, so our hard work and efforts bring us joy and satisfaction rather than hardship and disappointment.

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here are four aspects of building a functional family that are helpful to reflect on and see where we might need to improve a little.

Domestic Duties

Is your home chaotic? Do you waste time trying to find things that never seem to be where they belong? Are your kids waking up at odd hours and sleeping at odd hours? Do mealtimes consist of scrambling to find something to cook at the last minute?

Are your kids struggling to get your attention because you’re glued to your phone more times than not?

Parenting Duties

Do days go by when you realize you haven’t had time to stop and read to your children? Are your children demanding and bossy? Are they indoors complaining of boredom too often? Are they glued to the tube? Are you struggling to find time to take them out into nature or even to the park?

Marriage Duties

Do you sometimes feel like life revolves around your children, and there’s no time for anything else? Are you and your spouse growing more distant from one another because everything else screams so much louder for your time and attention?

Self-Care

Do you feel overwhelmed, overworked, and under-appreciated?

Does your life feel like you’re on a treadmill, and you find yourself daydreaming of escaping to some faraway place? No matter how hard you try, does it seem like you never manage to find a moment to take a quiet break?

Whether you said yes or no to any of the above, we all have plenty of room for improvement. This is a good time of the year to take stock of the past year,  refocus, and put a plan in place to create more harmony in your family life for 2020. 

Raising children shouldn’t exhaust you and leave you with little time for anything else. If you have children under three, maybe, but as the children get older, your workload should lighten.

You aren’t trying to have a perfect family, but you do want to have some balance in your life when you’re raising children. There is work involved, and sometimes there are struggles too, but the rewards should outweigh the difficulties.

An old friend of mine once said to me, “Life is difficult, but it should be enjoyed.” 

Amidst all of the difficulties in life, all the things that don’t work out the way we thought they would, all the disappointments that come with being human; there is something sublime, something majestic, something divine about being alive that we want to help our children embrace.

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”

— Confucius

Each day brings new wonder and joy, whether we have the presence of mind to notice or not. 

Today is a great day for us to make some New Year’s resolutions that will help us experience more of the beauty in life and less of the overwhelm. Rumi understood this when he said:

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

— Rumi

It’s a fact that putting New Year’s resolutions down on paper is a useful exercise to help us live lives that are in harmony with the kind of person we want to be and better reflect the kind of life we want to live.

Some people think it’s silly, but just writing your intention down makes you more likely to reach your goals and aspirations. If you have an accountability friend, that spikes your chances even higher. 

The New Year’s resolution tradition now has some research to back it up and silence the naysayers amongst us, which means that, if you haven’t already, you should grab some paper and start writing.

Happy New Year!

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Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

My Dad Is a B***head

You may be shocked by this title. Truthfully, it shocks me. The good news is that it isn't mine. The bad news is that it's the title of a book published in 2014. A father wrote the book for his son. 

On the book's dedication page, you find it dedicated to said author's adoring family.

B***head. 

I can think of some lessons I'd like to teach young children, but that their father is a b***head is not one of them. 

“Parent’s should treat their children as neither equals nor fools.”

— John Rosemond

THE MORAL

The moral of this father's story is that no matter how rude your child is to you, no matter how disrespectful he is towards you, he loves you. 

That's the moral as far as I could make out. But truthfully, I'm not even sure there was a moral to the story.

So why am I devoting time to this book?

Unlike some parents, you probably have enough sense not to pick up a copy of such a vulgar book to read to your child. However, you may not be exactly sure about what does constitute a good book. 

It's not your fault, either. Our great books for children have been replaced by silly books that give children the wrong ideas or books that don’t have much substance.

WHAT YOU READ DOES MATTER

While it's vitally important to your child's future education that you read to him when he's young, the quality of the material you read is equally important.

Elevate His Mind

Literature should elevate a child's mind, not debase it. He (she) should encounter heroes and heroines that are worthy of emulation. 

The characters should be intelligent, kind-hearted, brave, and well-mannered. Think of Pollyanna, Anne of Green Gables, and Little Lord Fauntleroy. 

Teach Language Skills

Literature should teach children excellent language skills and develop their vocabulary. As an older child, when he comes across words such as philanthropists, humiliation, valiant, nautical, or grave, he'll already be familiar with them. 

Test your ten-year-old now. Is your child familiar with these words? If not, you may want to reevaluate the kind of literature you're exposing him to.

Respect

Furthermore, of utmost importance is the attitude the story’s characters have towards adults and especially towards their parents. They should possess an attitude of reverence, respect, and obedience. 

Any child's book that features ill-mannered, vulgar children as the hero or heroine should not be allowed. 

(A word of caution though: if your children are reading sub-standard literature, then be clever in how you forbid these sorts of books. Better to let the books secretly disappear as you replace them with quality literature than to make an issue of it.) 

THE UNDERLYING CONCERN

The bigger problem with the B***head story is that it father wrote it for his son. I would guess, from reading the book, that his son is spoiled and ill-mannered.

If the father doesn't have enough common sense to realize that he should not have written this book, he cannot possibly understand what's required of him to raise a decent child. 

“To raise respectful children, you must be a good leader.”

— John Rosemond

This is the plight many parents find themselves in today. We want to raise an exemplary child, but we have no idea how to go about it,  so we write books that are a better fit for the garbage can than our children’s ears.

We need to get a handle on what makes a decent person, of what makes a happy person, of what makes a successful person, and then we need to do our best to provide a suitable environment for our child to become this person.

Reading good literature to your child is a prudent place to start. 

It's simply a matter of choosing the right books to read. 

 Are you wondering what kind of books you should read to your children? Get your free list of Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Don’t miss Elizabeth Y. Hanson’s signature course, The Smart Homeschooler Academy: How to Give Your Child a Better Education at Home.

A veteran homeschooler, she now has two successfully-homeschooled children in college.  

Are You Overlooking This Opportunity to Raise Happier Kids?

A child who hasn’t been given clear boundaries, and who hasn’t learned to respect the adults in his life is not a happy child.

Yet, this is the plight too many American children find themselves in today, because parents have lost a sense of what to expect from their children and of what their children are capable of doing.

In short, parents have misunderstood their foremost role as leader to their children.

Let me ask you this: when was the last time you were a guest in someone’s home? Did the children greet you? Did they help serve the food? Did they help clean up?

Chances are that you said no to all three questions, however, this a prime occasion to teach a child some important lessons all of which make for a happier child. But children are no longer taught the lesson of how to greet a newcomer, and they are no longer taught to help serve the guests, nor do they learn to help clean up afterward.

Instead, the children play, and the adults serve.

“The more parents do for a child, the less the child is ultimately capable of doing for himself.”

— John Rosemond

I’m a huge fan of child’s play, but not all the time. There are times when a child needs to learn how to be courteous and to help. There are times when a child needs to learn how to serve others. There are times when a parent needs to step up to the plate and teach their child these things.

Teach your child to serve others, and you’ll raise an adult who is kind, considerate, and helpful. Teach your child to be waited on and you’ll raise a child who is entitled, unappreciative, and ungrateful, not to mention discontent. 

Inviting guests to your home welcomes an excellent occasion to teach your child a few habits that will serve him well in life.

Here are 5 of these opportunities that you may have overlooked, but, hopefully, will never overlook again:

1) Teach your child to stop what he is doing to greet your guests

I don’t know how many times I’ve entered a home in which the parents had utterly failed to teach their child how to greet a guest. I always find it the oddest thing. Why would someone neglect such a fundamental courtesy as teaching his/her child to acknowledge a fellow human being? 

Each person possesses an inherent dignity that deserves paying homage to whether a child feels like it or not. Impart this to your child when he's young, and it'll be a maxim he lives by when he's older.

2) Teach your child to help you prepare for the guests, and start him at a very young age.

If a child can walk, talk, and make articulate demands of you, he is certainly old enough to take part in the preparation of a dinner party. 

For example, give your four-year-old the task of putting the napkins on the table. If he drops one, no problem, it won’t break. If you have to rearrange them all after he’s done, it’ll be worth the trouble.

He’s learning how to help; this is what counts. A seven-year-old can set the table nicely. A ten-year-old can prepare the salad. As a general rule, give each child at least one task to do before the guests arrive.

Give them whatever task you want to give them, but have them do something. It might even be to look after the younger children, after all, what the child does is irrelevant; that he’s helping is not. 

3) When it comes time to serve the meal, let the older children help.

They can help put dishes on the table or actually help serve the food depending upon how formal or informal your dining is. Let them know beforehand what you want each child to do so they know exactly what’s expected of them.

4)  As soon as all the guests have finished eating, teach your older children to help remove their plates from the table.

Place one very small bowl beside each guest as a landing place for when their eyeballs fall out in disbelief. The irony is that there was a time when it was shocking if a child didn’t help; now it’s shocking when he does!

5) Have the older children do the dishes whether they are a family or a guest.

It doesn’t matter (assuming everyone knows each other well and there’s a certain level of familiarity); all of the older children can help wash up. The truth is, they’ll have fun working together. It makes them feel mature and responsible and it helps them become mature and responsible. 

(Disclaimer: this may not be received well if the children of your guests are not used to doing anything. In this case, you might just have your own children do some of the dishes and let them serve as an example to the others.)

6) They can also help you serve dessert and remember to let them indulge too.

After all, they were great helpers!

When it comes time for the guests to leave, your children should come to the door with you and say goodbye to everyone. 

These are good habits you're instilling in your children, so they don’t think twice about not greeting a guest properly or helping you when they’re older. They’re also not stuck in the wretched mentality of “I don’t feel like it!”

“Someone who fails, as a child, to learn to be obedient will forever travel a rough road.”

— John Rosemond

Sometimes we do things because it’s the right thing to do, and not because we feel like it. Being courteous towards and helping others is one of these times. The fact is that doing the right thing vs. what we feel like doing leads to more happiness, not less. 

It’s not an intellectual understanding; it’s a matter of the heart. Whether we understand it or not, we feel better when we do the right thing. Don't  lecture your child on this topic, though, because he won’t get it. 

But you can train him in the right way so he lives it.

 Are you wondering what kind of books you should read to your children? Get your free list of Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Don’t miss Elizabeth Y. Hanson’s signature course, The Smart Homeschooler Academy: How to Give Your Child a Better Education at Home.

A veteran homeschooler, she now has two successfully-homeschooled children in college.