#1 Huge Mistake Parents Are Making→

No parent would want to raise their child to be less intelligent than he could be.

Yet, every single day, around the world, parents are doing one critical thing that gets in the way of their children’s intellectual development. 

Their children are spending way too much time on screens. Whether it’s for educational purposes or simple entertainment, screens are screens. 

The Hard Facts

From one study by Hikaru Takeuchi, et al, “Excessive internet use is shown to be cross sectionally associated with lower cognitive functioning and reduced volume of several brain areas.”

According to Common Sense Media’s latest research, 50% of teens report that they feel addicted to their phones while 59% of their parents say the teens are addicted.

That’s a lot of teens who are addicted to their phones.

The younger a child is, the more damaging technology is to the development of his brain. This is a hard fact of science.

Effects on the Growing Brain

Technology use in childhood interferes with the neural connections in the brain, and it is the neural connections that make up our intelligence. 

Logic would have it that the less neural connections a brain makes, the less intelligent an individual would become. 

We are seeing first-hand the evidence of the numbing effect technology has on children’s minds with a new generation of tech babies who have come of age.

There are so many studies reporting the ill effects of technology on the brains of children.

It cannot be argued otherwise unless you have billions of dollars and spread false propaganda to sell your products like the video game lobby does.

Video games alone pull in 300 billion dollars per year! The industry pays lobbyists to convince congressmen that video games are beneficial.

Inability to Focus and ADHD

We know that technology use interferes with our ability to focus. With so many children playing video games, and so many children diagnosed with ADHD, I wonder how much technology has to do with it?

Maybe instead of medicating our kids, we removed technology from their lives, they might learn to focus better. 

So many adults self-label themselves with ADHD when they don’t have ADHD. People say it so often that it’s become a euphemism for a lack of focus. 

The hard facts of the matter are that we’re spending too much time online. 

True Story

I spoke with a woman once who lost her son to technology. He became addicted as a teenager, and when he finally recovered, she said he was never the same kid.

She didn’t have a strong connection with him like she had with her other children, because the technology had damaged his brain. 

It was a heartbreaking story, and one that will be shared with more and more parents until we come to terms with the truth about technology.

We will serve our children best by getting rid of the gadgets. And be willing to deal with the complaints and the anger your kids will probably display for the first few weeks, because eventually, they’ll get over it. 

You don’t want to lose your kids to technology, as so many parents have. We now have a plethora of addiction centers for withdrawing from technology because the addiction is real.

And each child with a device is a potential victim. 

If you have your kids online for school, drop that too. Homeschooling offline is much easier, more rewarding, and more enjoyable. 

May we ditch the brain-draining, mind-numbing screens and provide our children with a more brain-activating, mind-developing experience instead.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Elizabeth will make homeschooling manageable for you. She’ll guide you in helping your kids reach their intellectual potential and developing good character.

As a homeschooler, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated knowing you have the tools and support you need to homeschool successfully.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, Elizabeth has 21+ years of experience working in education.

Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, she devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling

Raising Stellar Kids Begins With Our Habits!→

We impact our children’s character development every single day through our own behavior.

Yet, we don’t stop often enough to reflect upon the messages we send our children through our words and actions — even the expressions on our face.

For example, a common habit which we all have today is spending time on our phones around our children.

The typical scenario looks like this: We’re texting a friend or maybe we’re surfing the web when the child asks for something. We reply by telling him to wait as we continue looking at our screen.

The child begins to whine, and we mumble to him that we’ll be there in a second. But we’re not there in a second.

The message a child gets is that the phone is more important than he is.

“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”

— Phyllis Diller

Those two minutes we intend to spend on the phone can add up to hours in a day, and the hours in a day, over time, can add up to weeks and so on and so on.

To put things in perspective, in 2023, the average person will spend 3.15 hours on their phone every day; 12.6 hours per week; 50.4 hours per month; 604.8 hours per year.

You can see what a strong message we give our kids when we take a “quick” glance at our phones.

In addition, our kids will probably grow up to repeat the same pattern with their children. Don’t you find yourself repeating patterns that were once your parents?

I’m not suggesting we should cater to our child’s every whim, only that we should be diligent in the way we show up for our kids.

We can replace the smartphone with any bad habit, such as, eating junk food or eating too much; not exercising, using bad language, not keeping our word, gossiping, telling too many “white” lies, or working too much.

Our bad habits become examples for our children, so if we want to raise our kids well, we have to start by working on ourselves.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. ”

— Aristotle

Raising kids above the fold takes a combination of factors and one of these factors is our own habits.

We need to reflect on our habits because it’s easy to go through life oblivious to things that seem inconsequential at the moment, but with time they become lessons we teach our children, for better or for worse.

Let’s take inventory of our habits; the things we think, say, and do — are they messages that will serve us and serve our children well over time?

If not, let’s work to replace those bad habits with good habits.

Start with one bad habit, conquer it, and then choose another. To try and tackle many bad habits at once would be to invite defeat. One step at a time in replacing the bad with the good while we adopt better habits for ourselves.

Be specific with ourselves about precisely what bad habit we are replacing with what good habit, so every time we find ourselves falling back into the bad one, we can quickly self-correct by replacing it with the good habit.

It’s not until our children are older and have developed their own habits, values, and beliefs that we come face-to-face with our own shortcomings.

We’ll naturally become more effective parents if we become aware of the little things we do that add up to the big lessons we teach.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Elizabeth will make homeschooling manageable for you. She’ll guide you in helping your kids reach their intellectual potential and developing good character.

As a homeschooler, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated knowing you have the tools and support you need to homeschool successfully.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, Elizabeth has 21+ years of experience working in education.

Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, she devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling

What Key Trait Do Independent Thinkers Possess?→

It's easy to adorn oneself according to the latest fad, but it’s not so easy to stand in one’s truth when it goes against mob rule.

Learning to think and act independently requires courage: the courage to do what's right and just even in the face of ridicule, the loss of friends, or a loss of income.

John Taylor Gatto was an excellent example. He quit teaching when he was in his 60s, because he discovered that schools were causing more harm to children than good.

As a public schoolteacher, he believed that he was a part of the problem.

John sent an op-ed to the Wall Street Journal and announced his decision to quit teaching in schools. When you are a couple of years away from retirement and a pension plan, it takes a lot of courage to walk away.

“Character is higher than intellect.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sporting purple hair and nose rings is not a sign of an independent character. People who dye their hair crazy colors and fill their bodies with tattoos and rings are following a group-think fad in spite of their belief to the contrary.

We should teach our children to dress well and to conform to outward standards of propriety but to be nonconforming in their attitudes, beliefs and values.

Because the greater independence of the mind is not manifest outwardly; it's an inward state.

To raise our children to be independent in mind, we need to foster courage in their characters.

People often mistake courage for the absence of fear, but the absence of fear can lead to rashness. Courage is not an absence of fear, but the ability to act in spite of one’s fear.

For example, my children performed at piano recitals, recited poetry to small audiences, and attended public speaking classes. Through these kind of activities, they learned to develop their courage muscle.

Permitting your child to run into a local grocery store alone, to climb a tree, or to ride a bike for the first time are all activities that will strengthen his courage.

Every day there will be opportunities to let our children strengthen their courage.

As we know from Aristotle, and as we can observe in our own lives,  our daily habits add up to the quality of our characters.

Children like to challenge themselves, and we need to encourage them to do so. The more they learn to face challenges in spite of the difficulty or discomfort, the more courage they develop.

“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.”

— Mark Twain

Having courage will also help to preserve their moral integrity, because having moral integrity requires us to stand in our truth both privately and in public.

Someone once told me that I needed to develop a “public” persona. In other words, I should have two selves; one for the public and one for my private life.

But I believe the goal is to have one self.

As Shakespeare said in Hamlet:

“This above all: To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Elizabeth will make homeschooling manageable for you. She’ll guide you in helping your kids reach their intellectual potential and developing good character.

As a homeschooler, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated knowing you have the tools and support you need to homeschool successfully.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, Elizabeth has 21+ years of experience working in education.

Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, she devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling

The Secret to Raising Grateful Children→

"No matter what I do, it never seems to be enough!" is a typical complaint from your average 21st-century parent.

While parents are understandably frustrated, they're little ones are growing up to become entitled adults.

Common strategies employed to battle the empidemic of ingratitude are not working either. The Sermon is a perfect example of a strategy that has failed us.

THE SERMON

We lecture our kids to be grateful for what they have, and our lectures fall on deaf ears. They have no idea what we are talking about. For the most part, they always had what they need and gotten what they wanted.

And even if they hadn’t, poor character traits are not conquered by lecturing and “ingratitude” is a poor character trait.

Better not to let the trait develop in the first place!

“Take full account of what Excellencies you possess, and in gratitude remember how you would hanker after them, if you had them not.”

— Marcus Aurelius

THE SECRET

The secret, therefore, to teaching your children to appreciate the things you provide for them is to raise them to be minimalists. The less they have, the more appreciative they'll be when you give them more.

The less often you indulge them with their wants, the less they'll come to expect them. When you do give your children a want, they'll be grateful, and they won't forget to say thank you.

The words of true gratitude will come roaring out of them, no prodding needed.

A minimalist philosophy isn't restricted to material goods either. You can apply it to all aspects of your children’s lives by saying “no” to them more than you say “yes.”

John Rosemond calls it Vitamin N. It's not that you want to become a contrarian and rigidly oppose everything your children ask for, but raise them to understand that their wants are not your primary concern.

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”

— A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

Provide your children with the things they need for emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual growth, but raise them to understand that the goal of your life is not to make them happy but to raise them well.

This isn't to say that you never accommodate a want of theirs, but don't make it a habit to indulge them too much.

What’s the rule?!

It’s simple: say no 75% of the time and say yes 25% of the time. If you practice this ratio of yes to no’s, you’ll see the gratitude scale climb steadily in your home.

A golden parenting rule to remember is that you aren't responsible for making your children happy; that’s up to them to figure out.

And they’ll discover the secret to happiness much faster if you indulge them less.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Elizabeth will make homeschooling manageable for you. She’ll guide you in helping your kids reach their intellectual potential and developing good character.

As a homeschooler, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated knowing you have the tools and support you need to homeschool successfully.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, Elizabeth has 21+ years of experience working in education.

Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, she devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling

3 Reasons Why American Schools Are So Violent

 Schools are the scene of far too much violence for a parent's comfort, and I would expect them to get worse if we move deeper into a recession. 

In 2022, as of November, there were already 68 school shootings, and the year is not over yet. There will be more. The year before Covid, in 2019, there were more mass shootings than days of the year.

People blame guns, but that's ridiculous. We don't blame knives when someone gets stabbed or poison when someone gets poisoned, so why do we blame guns when someone gets shot?

Guns don't pull the trigger; mentally-sick people do. 

The problem is not guns. We have always had guns in the US as a constitutional right to protect ourselves against a tyrannical government, but random mass shootings on such a scale are relatively new. 

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

— 2nd Amendment

What is wrong with Americans? 

Here are 3 facts to consider that may hold a key:

TOO EARLY EDUCATION

Children are put into school too early. We know there is a direct correlation between the absence of play in childhood and sociopathic behavior.

Children who go to early education centers are not engaged in enough play or the kind of play a child needs in his early years to foster humane qualities such as empathy.

“Play allows us to develop alternatives to violence and despair; it helps us learn perseverance and gain optimism.”

— Dr. Stuart Brown, Contemporary American Psychiatrist

Playtime outside has decreased by 71% in one generation in both the US and the UK, according to Dr. Brown..

MOTHERS ARE COMPELLED TO WORK

Too many mothers have no choice but to work, and young babies are left in daycares where strangers take care of them. How can the transmission of empathy occur when the child has is left by his mother in infancy?

This isn't to criticize working mothers, either; I was a working mother too. It is a criticism of a society that does not recognize the importance of a mother in her child's early life.

We use euphemisms such as "primary caregiver" to pretend handing our babies over to strangers is of no importance.

If babies could speak, they would clue us in on this societal delusion. No one can replace the tender love and care of a mother for her offspring.

MULTIMEDIA VIOLENCE

Our multimedia industry promotes violence. Jerry Mander published a book in 1978 titled, Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television. One of his arguments was that when we watch television, our minds cannot differentiate between reality and what we see on the screen.

When children watch violence in films, they become desensitized to violence.

Since the 1960s, we have known about the effects of violence on our hearts and minds. Why have we not curbed the violence in the media, especially for children? On the contrary, it has become even more pervasive in our lives.

It is so pervasive that when a bomb went off on a busy street in Istanbul in November of 2022, the Americans were unphased. I was there to witness it.

On the contrary, the Turks were devastated. Violence is a part of an American's daily life. I have never felt safe in America, but in Turkey, I have never felt unsafe, even while walking home late at night.

VIDEO GAMES

Video games are a national hazard to a child's mental health. Internet Gaming Disorder is now an entry in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Is this not enough to prove that our kids should not be gaming?

Grand Theft Auto is a game that involves prostitutes! The more violent acts you commit in the game, such as binding, gagging, torturing, and killing women, the more points you win.

What mentally-deranged individual came up with this idea? Leonard Sax points out, as have many studies, that playing games like this over and over again desensitizes our boys to violence, especially against women.

Talk about an easy way to breed misogynists. Geez.

There are other factors to consider with the rise in violence, too, such as the epidemic of narcissism, the breakdown of the American family, and economic disparity. Still, the above three are clearly factors in a society that has become “Rated R” for violence.

FINAL THOUGHTS

There is something fundamentally wrong with a people when their kids are no longer safe in school. Next year there will be a whole new set of statistics and more aggrieved parents who will bury their kids.

It's a sickening thought.

Do everything within your power to stay home with your kids when they are under the age of six (seven is even better), keep them off of technology, and don't enroll them in school.

If you think this sounds extreme, remember that it was the American way of life only 60 years ago.

And if you are able to keep them home during their school years, homeschool them. You CAN do it; millions already have.

 ☞ Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents of school-age children, we guide you in homeschooling with the classics to raise more intelligent children of a better character.

Enroll using the link below and feel confident knowing you have the guidance and support you need to homeschool successfully.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with our online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and a Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach with 20+ years of experience working in children’s education.

Utilizing her unusual skill set, Elizabeth has developed a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.

She is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

“Elizabeth has given us counseling and guidance to help us succeed with our home school planning. When I feel overwhelmed, scared, or lose my confidence, she offers words of wisdom and support.”

— Sherry B., Pittsburg, PA

5 Reasons Your Family’s Dinnertime Meal Is a Serious Matter→

All happy families share one thing in common: dinnertime is prime time for the family.

They come together to share a meal, but the food is not what's most important; it’s what happens before, during, and after the meal that matters a lot. In fact, the family dinner meal is a serious matter, not to be taken lightly.

As dinnertime is when many things that are key to your family's overall happiness occur, here are five reasons you never want to miss having a dinnertime meal for your family:

“The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation, consideration, tolerance, family feeling, and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet.”

— Judith Martin

1) Family Togetherness Makes Kids Feel Secure

Dinnertime is usually the only meal that dad is present for during the week making it a special event, especially for the children. Dads are gone all day, presumably at work, and when they come home, it is a big excitement for the children.

When everyone is seated at the table, the children feel a sense of security having both parents present and knowing that their family is together. With so much divorce present in our culture, this is even more important now that children feel a strong sense of togetherness in the family, and the dinnertime ritual will provide this.

2) A Time for Sharing

Dinnertime is a time when each family member can share their joys and sorrows of the day and feel the comfort in knowing that there are people who care about how their day went and can share in their day's experiences. It’s a time for pleasant conversation and an important time for children to develop their social skills.

“The dinner hour is a sacred, happy time when everyone should be together and relaxed.”

— Julia Child

3) Practice in Good Manners

Dinnertime is prime time for teaching children table manners. We forget the importance of table manners because good manners are disappearing from our increasingly uncivil society, but good manners are what hold the glue of a family together.

Without practicing common courtesy towards one another, disrespect reigns, and all hell breaks loose. If you want to avoid family quarrels and division, teach your children good manners and practice them yourself. Let them see you and your spouse treat each other courteously, and they will follow in-suit. You never want to tolerate bad manners, ever.

4) Balanced Meals Lead to Good Health

Dinnertime is an essential meal for ensuring your children get proper nourishment which implies that you teach them to eat what you serve them. Well-mannered children do not get special meals because they are "picky" eaters or have an "aversion" to certain kinds of foods.

Unless a child has a legitimate food allergy, teach them to eat what is on their plate without complaint. As long as the child has molars and is old enough to sit at the dinner table, there is no such thing as "baby" food. There is food, full stop.

5) Cooperation and Responsibility

Dinnertime is a time for children to learn cooperation and responsibility. Each child should have chores they perform at mealtimes. Depending upon their age, they can help prepare the food, set the table, serve the food, clear the table, wash the dishes, and clean the kitchen, including emptying the garbage at the end of the day.

Chores teach children responsibility, and they also teach them to cooperate with others in making a helpful contribution towards the care of the family.

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”

— Oscar Wilde

If getting meals on the table each day and on time is a struggle for you, then you want to take some time to get better organized and disciplined about the planning, shopping, and preparation of your meals.

Decide on your menu a week in advance, do your shopping in advance, and pick a time for dinner that lets you work backward, so you know at precisely what time you have to start preparing dinner. 

Stick to this time, no matter what else happens that day. If an emergency should arise, always have a quick backup meal available, so you don't miss the dinnertime ritual. If you do miss it once, don't miss it twice.

The more days in a row that you miss, the more likely you will be to fall into old patterns of erratic mealtimes, which translate into missed opportunities for your family to flourish and grow. 

A Time Saver for You

If you need a helping hand, I've prepared a free download for you. It's a shopping check-off list that my friend Jason created. His wife Maureen never misses a family meal, and I believe that Jason's ingenious list has a lot to do with it. 

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with our online course, Raise Your Child Well to Live a Triumphant Life.

Become a Smart Homeschooler and give your child a first-rate, screen-free education at home using the Smart Homeschooler Academy Curriculum and teaching methods taught in the program. Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course and feel secure knowing that you have what you need to homeschool successfully as well as live ongoing support from Elizabeth.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and a Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach with 20 years of experience working in children’s education.

Utilizing her unusual skill set, coupled with her unique combination of mentors, Elizabeth has developed her own comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

☞ Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

Why You Shouldn't Focus on Your Child's Happiness

I believe it was Isocrates who said that the healthy child wants to become an adult. In raising our children well, we must teach them how to act and think like mature people.

Yet, the phrase we hear most often repeated is this: 

"I just want him to be happy." 

But if you think about it, it isn't what you most want. What you most want is that he grows up to be a decent, hard-working, mature adult. If you raise him to become these things, then happiness will follow.

As the ancients understood and current research now proves, happiness is found in living a virtuous life. The modern pursuit of pleasure and good times, it turns out, is just a myth being thrust upon us by very sophisticated and manipulative marketing techniques.

Contrary to this empty rhetoric, a good life does not come from the pursuit and acquisition of pleasure, in whatever form you desire, but it comes from being a virtuous person. As the concept of "virtue" seems to be an idea that’s gone out of fashion, let me share with you some of the qualities that a virtuous person might possess:

Humility, courage, mercy, patience, tolerance, diligence, and generosity. These are some of the qualities a truly “happy” person might embody.

To inculcate these kind of qualities in your child, you must begin when he is very young.

You must train him in the way of good habits, and then, and only then, will you be able to raise a happy child who later becomes a happy adult. One state naturally follows the other. 

What is the key to raising a child with good habits?

Raise a child who is obedient and does the right thing, not from fear of you, but from a deep love and respect for you. 

We don't need behavioral studies to prove this; we need to pay attention. A child who is always complaining and throwing tantrums and always asking for this and that is not a happy child, is he? Nor is the child who is always doing what he is told not to do. 

However, the kind of training that protects from these unhappy states must start when your child is very young. You should begin training your child in the ways of good behavior as soon as he or she turns two years of age.

If you wait until much later to begin, the training process becomes increasingly more difficult. Waiting too long means you will need to correct bad habits first and then work on instilling the good habits in your child.

It’s a much more tedious and frustrating experience to correct bad habits than it is to avoid them from forming in the first place.

“Give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the man.”

— Aristotle

If you fail to raise your child well, then he will be destined to spend the rest of his life working to correct deeply ingrained negative traits (a lifetime pursuit and not for the easily discouraged). Even worse, he will perpetuate and suffer the ills in life (as will everyone he encounters) that arise from not being a good person.

You see, the opposite of the virtuous person would be the wretched one who will never know any real happiness. We've all known wretched people, especially as they get older and nature carves their wretched states into their faces. We certainly don't want this for our children!

In a nutshell, if you focus on the happiness factor when your child is young, you will fail to raise a happy child. Focus on raising a decent child first, and his happiness will follow. 

If you don't know where to begin, do this: throw out all of your parenting books and stop asking your friends for advice (the latter is the equivalent of the blind leading the blind).  Moving forward, begin to think about the consequences of your actions as a parent.

Start asking yourself questions such as, "If I do this, then what is the message I am giving my child?" If I let him do this, then what am I teaching him about his behavior and the journey of life?"

For example, this may surprise you to know that many parents look to their children's desires to decide how they should educate them. I know this for a fact (no studies done, yet) because the parents say things to me like, "I thought about homeschooling, but he wanted to go to school with his neighborhood friends," or "I thought about homeschooling, but he's so social, and I think he'd be happier in school."

How you educate your child is a huge decision that will alter the course of his life, but he is too young to make such a life-changing decision. You are the adult; this is your decision to make for your child. 

It doesn't matter if he prefers to go to school with friends or that you think he would be happier in school because he has friends to socialize with every day. What matters is whether or not a school is the best place for your child or whether another option might be such as homeschooling.

You have to weigh the pros and cons accurately and objectively before you make this kind of a decision.

Base your decision upon your values and what you want for your children. If you want to raise decent children, you have to consider the moral environment of the child.

If you're going to raise highly intelligent children, you have to evaluate the level of academic training a school offers. If you want both, then you have to look for an educational model that provides both,

If you only care about your child's immediate happiness, then you can let him make this decision. 

I used the example of educational decisions because I hear about them a lot, but the truth is that there are many decisions we let our children make every day, such as when they can finish playing; when they need to do their chores; when they need to get ready for bed. 

Instead of training them to understand that these are non-negotiable commands we make of our children, we go to the negotiating table with them and let them argue their case for an extension of time for whatever it is they want to do.

We also exhaust ourselves in the process, which is one reason parents find raising children so challenging today. It's always tiring to have to argue with someone and then give in to them when they should have done what you asked them to do in the first place.

Children need most, and what they don't have enough of are adults who guide them on their way to maturity by concerning themselves less with whether or not their children are happy and more with whether or not the parents are training their children well.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

— Aristotle

The point to childhood is to prepare for adulthood; you should be less concerned about making a child happy and more concerned about raising a child who grows up to be a responsible, honorable, and mature adult.

It's not uncommon today to see grown children well into their 30's, or 40's still living at home because they can't make it on their own. The other day, my 30-something chiropractor told me that half of his friends still live at home.

I know of many situations where the parents still have aging children at home. An offspring well into adulthood and living at home out of necessity was unheard of when I was young.

Literally.

Make your priority for your children less about their happiness and more about behaving well and doing the right thing.

If you do, the chances are strong that you'll be able to enjoy your golden years knowing your kids are doing well and on the way to acquiring the kind of happiness that comes from living a good life.

*****

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Become a Smart Homeschooler, literally, and give your child a first-rate, screen-free education at home and enjoy doing it. Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course.

For parents of children under age seven, Raise Your Child Well to Live a Triumphant Life, course will be open again sometime in March, 2021.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler, a lover of the classics, and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 19 years of experience working in children’s education.

Utilizing her unusual skill set, coupled with the unique mentors she was fortunate to have, Elizabeth has developed a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

☞ Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

Why Are 21st Century Children Never Satisfied?

"When is enough, enough?" is a typical cry from parents today. No matter how much you give your children they always seem to want more.

Parents are frustrated, not to mention exhausted, and they're little darlings are turning into entitled adults.

Common strategies employed by parents don't seem to work either. The preferred approach for as long as I can remember has been the lecture.

THE LECTURE

I remember my grandmother buying us new clothes and then lecturing us all the way back to her 1000 acre ranch, in her red Buick convertible with the white top down, about how lucky we were compared to the poor children she had seen in Africa.

First of all, we didn't even know where Africa was. Second of all, lecturing us about poverty while we were whizzing through town on a warm summer day with our hair blowing and holding tight to our new bags of clothes did not work.

There was a disconnect between what she was saying and what she was doing and children quickly intuit the inherent madness in this strategy.

It's not that we were ungrateful children either, we weren't. There was no need for her lecture, but somehow she thought it was her duty to provide it.

The problem with said lecture, whether a child deserves it or not, is that children are too young to understand deprivation unless they've experienced it themselves. And if you are concerned about your children being ungrateful, my guess is that they have not experienced it.

THE SERMON

Next in line to my grandmother's sermons were the sermons we were subject to in church. The priest would stand at the pulpit and remind us to be grateful for our daily bread. The Daily Bread lecture had no impact on us either.

We knew that if we ran out of our daily bread, our parents would run to the store and buy some more. This was true for every single person in that congregation. What the priest said really did not make sense to us children.

Some parents think that if they keep preaching, their words of wisdom will sink in eventually somewhere around their child’s 18th year of life. All those lectures will have been worth it because now the entitled child suddenly becomes enlightened and gratitude follows.

But the reality is the 18-year-olds are extremely unenlightened and will not be any more grateful on their eighteenth birthday then they were before it. Poor character traits do not suddenly become admirable ones. They take a lot of work to conquer.

Better not to let them develop in the first place.

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”

— A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

THE REALITY

Dr. Seuss said, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” To solve children’s ingratitude problems, we can start by looking at ourselves. Think of the times when you have felt most grateful. It usually happens during one of two events:

1. Something that makes you extremely happy but seldom happens, happens

2. You reflect upon the reality that at any given moment, the infinite gifts and blessings you have in your life can be taken away. In the blink of an eye, you can lose something you treasure beyond all else.

Think natural disasters, accidents, illness, death, misfortune, betrayal, poor choices, old-age. As you read this, thousands of people around the world are experiencing one or more of the above losses. And suddenly, the things they took for granted are priceless in their eyes, but they're also gone.

“Take full account of what Excellencies you possess, and in gratitude remember how you would hanker after them, if you had them not.”

— Marcus Aurelius

If we stop to reflect on the many gifts and blessings we have, and if we reflect on the reality that we can lose these gifts and blessings at any moment, we can't help but feel grateful.

As I write, I'm looking out onto a beautiful green field with lots of trees. I've lived in places where I've looked out onto rows and rows of townhouses. Having lived in a complex where my view was endless rows of other townhouses, I never stop feeling grateful for the scenery I have today.

We have to reflect on the gifts in our lives. We have to continually remind ourselves of all that we have because there is always someone else who has much less. And money will never buy the things that truly matter in life: health, love, family, and trustworthy friends.

But children are too young to understand these things. Even most teenagers are too young. The ability to reason yourself into a state of gratitude is a skill which is usually reserved for more mature minds.

If you believe that you can reason your child into a state of gratitude, you can't.

THE SECRET

The secret to teaching your children to appreciate the things you provide for them is to raise them to be minimalists. The less they have, the more appreciative they'll be when you give them more.

The less often you indulge them with their wants, the less they'll come to expect them. When you do give your children a want, they'll be grateful, and they won't forget to say thank you. It’ll come roaring out of them with no prodding needed.

A minimalist philosophy isn't restricted to material goods either. You can apply it to all aspects of your children’s lives by saying “no” to them more than you say “yes.”

John Rosemond calls it Vitamin N. It's not that you want to become a contrarian and rigidly oppose everything your children ask for, but raise them to understand that their wants are not your primary concern in life.

Provide your children with the things they need for emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual growth, but raise them to understand that the goal of your life is not to make them happy; it's to raise them well.

This isn't to say that you never accommodate a want of theirs, but don't make it a habit. You aren't responsible for their happiness beyond what you need to provide as a loving, responsible parent; they're responsible for their happiness.

And they'll be much happier if you indulge them less.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Become a Smart Homeschooler, literally, and give your child a first-rate, screen-free education at home and enjoy doing it. Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course.

For parents of children under age seven, Raise Your Child Well to Live a Triumphant Life, course will be open again sometime in March, 2021.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler, a lover of the classics, and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 19 years of experience working in children’s education.

Utilizing her unusual skill set, coupled with the unique mentors she was fortunate to have, Elizabeth has developed a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

5 Reasons Why You May Feel Overwhelmed and 30 Ways to Fix It

As mothers, we tend to run ourselves ragged.

We forget that when we are exhausted and overwhelmed, we are less able to be present and in a good state of mind for those we love and who depend on us.

The truth is that we can only do so much as mothers; therefore, we do not want our children's memories of us to be that of a worn-out, exhausted parent because we are trying to do too much. To avoid this from happening, we need to organize our lives to eliminate the things that drain us unnecessarily and do more of the things that replenish us.

If you feel overwhelmed and worn out, it's a prudent time to take stock of your life and determine what is draining your energy.

Begin by asking yourself these five questions:

1. Have you taken on too much?

2. Are your extended family or friends draining your energy?

3. Are you and your husband at odd about things?

4. Are your children unruly?

5. Are you not taking the time to pursue your pre-motherhood interests?

What is it that is weighing you down? Sometimes it's a combination of things, but whatever is going on, you want to face it so you can determine how to break the cycle you're in and reclaim your life, restore your energy, and be present for your loved ones. 

While you are raising your family, and even beyond, you want to focus first on your marriage and make sure that it is solid.

Then look to relationships beyond your family and determine which ones require too much of your time and energy. you have difficult or extremely needy people in your life, you will need to reduce or even eliminate the time you spend with these people.

And then look at your children and make sure you have not gotten into negative patterns with them because it can be exhausting to have disobedient and disrespectful children to deal with every day. 

Remember the things you used to love to do before you had children. Maybe you loved to ride bikes or ride horses; maybe you had friends you went out to lunch with regularly; maybe you played a lot of tennis or went to music concerts; maybe you spent time reading or knitting. Whatever it is that you used to love doing, make the intention to bring some of it back into your world.

Just because you have children now doesn't mean your life has to be 100% devoted to them, 100% of the time.

The younger they are, the more they will need you, but as they get older you should be able to weave into your day more and more of the time you need to stay fresh and upbeat.

Also, you don't want your children to see you as someone who has no other interests besides them. Be someone who is interesting to them, so they are interested in you.

Find things to do that replenish energy and good spirit, and you will find you have more of yourself to give. 

Children pick up on our moods, and even though they can't intellectualize them, they do feel them. Engaging yourself in other pursuits a few times a week does not make them feel less loved.

If your child had a choice, he would tell you to go out and do something you enjoy if that means you will be more present and happier when you are together.

As we want our children to be of good cheer, they want the same of us. Our children want to feel secure in knowing that we are happy to be their parent.

For 30 ways to fix your overwhelm, download a free copy of 30 Things a Mother Can Do To Feel Cheerful.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Become a Smart Homeschooler, literally, and give your child a first-rate, screen-free education at home and enjoy doing it. Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course.

For parents of children under age seven, Raise Your Child Well to Live a Triumphant Life, is where you want to start.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler, a lover of the classics, and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 19 years of experience working in children’s education.

Utilizing her unusual skill set, coupled with the unique mentors she was fortunate to have, Elizabeth has developed a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

One Method to Raise Courageous Children and Catapult Their Careers

Courage is a great virtue and one every successful person embodies. But it’s an often misunderstood virtue.

Many people think courage is a lack of fear, but courageous people experience fear. The difference is that courageous people will act despite their fear whereas cowards will succumb to their fear and be unable to act. 

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”

— Mark Twain

Life, to be lived to its fullest, has challenges and obstacles that we must all face and learn to overcome. If we let our fear conquer our minds, we will struggle to live purposeful lives because cowardice is paralyzing.

It will stop us from making decisions or acting in ways that will propel us forward in our life's true purpose.

If you want your child to embrace his life, to live life to its fullest, to realize his life's work and purpose, then you have to allow him to take risks in childhood and learn to overcome the obstacles and challenges that he'll face. There are physical challenges he must overcome as well as challenges of the mind. 

The mental challenges are the more difficult to overcome because man is a master at self-delusion. But we can help our children learn to face them with courage when they are young, to overcome them when they are older.

“You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore.”

— William Faulkner

The greatest fear of the mind is the fear of performance, otherwise known as the fear of looking stupid. There are ways your child can confront this fear in youth so it does not immobilize him when he is older.

Give your child a head start developing the confidence to perform by having him perform for audiences during his childhood. There are various situations you can put your child into to give him the practice he needs to overcome this fear. If you can do this for him, he'll be at a great advantage in his life.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”

— E.E. Cummings

Here are three situations to consider for your child to help him discover the stuff he is made of, his "mettle," as Homer would say.

Music

The first is by having him learn a musical instrument and performing in music recitals. Find a music teacher who provides recitals for the children at least twice a year. If you find a teacher you like, but the teacher does not provide recitals, suggest he or she does and offer to help organize the recitals. If this fails, then continue looking until you find a competent teacher who does provide recitals. 

Music recitals are extremely important for children because they develop the confidence they need to walk out onto a stage and perform under pressure. In the beginning, it will be difficult for them but, when they are very young, they have the advantage of being less self-conscious.

Children also tend to have less of an opinion about things when they are younger, so they'll be more willing to perform when they understand that it's expected of them. 

 As they grow older, with enough practice, they'll get used to performing for others and be able to bring joy to people through their music. While they may feel nervous before they start to play, they will understand that their fear is not a reason to cower down; they will learn to act despite it. 

Poetry

As part of your child's education, have him memorize poetry. Once a month, get together with other families whose children are also engaged in memory work and do a joint recital. Let each child have a turn coming to the stage and reciting by heart the poem he learned.

Afterward, have tea and cookies and let the children enjoy their accomplishments together. The goal is to let it be an event they can look back on with fondness while they are developing confidence in learning to perform. 

Projects

Have a quarterly or bi-annual project night where children speak on some aspect of history or science through a project they made. This is not only a good opportunity for them to learn to ignore their fear and learn to perform well, but it is a great academic learning and teaching opportunity too. 

There are other things you can do to help your child gain confidence in performing when he is young; still, these suggestions are a place for you to begin thinking about the kind of opportunities that will help your child gain confidence in his ability to perform well. 

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

— Winston S. Churchill

If you can do this for him, you will have helped him learn that fear is not a reason for inaction; we act despite our fear when there is something worth doing. The more we act, the more courageous we become.

When your child is young, let me offer you a word of caution: do not let him get into the habit of always being the center of attention. Teaching your child to perform and indulging a child in excessive attention are two very different things.

One leads to courage, and the other leads to self-centeredness. 

Your goal is to raise him to be courageous and to be able to rise to the occasion when life demands it of him. This is the beginning of the journey to living a life of purpose.

The great sage Rumi said that every person was born with a desire for some work in his heart. Raise your child to be courageous so he can discover that work. 

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Become a Smart Homeschooler, literally, and give your child a first-rate, screen-free education at home and enjoy doing it. Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course.

Free Download: How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader—a reading guide and book list with 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler, and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 19 years of experience working in children’s education.

Utilizing her unusual skill set, coupled with the unique mentors she was fortunate to have, Elizabeth has developed a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

In a Throw-Away Society, Are Mother's Dispensable Too?

Western culture promotes the idea that mothers can leave their young children to a full-time babysitter with zero impact on the child's well-being.

Creating concepts like "Primary caregiver" somehow makes the idea more palatable. But can we replace a mother’s care like we would replace a paper cup?

Babies would beg to differ.

Even though our common sense tells us our children need us, and our hearts tell us our children need us, many of us ignore this and accept the cultural untruth we hear every day that children do fine in daycare.

Still, many more of us have no choice but to work when our children are young because our country doesn't value motherhood. 

The fact is this: a baby comes into the world completely dependent upon the care of others for its survival, without which it will die. The baby's very life depends upon someone assuming 24/7 responsibility for his needs, both emotional and physical.

If we put ourselves in our baby's booties, we would see a very different perspective regarding the “primary caregiver” euphemism. 

Your Baby's Perspective

He lives in your body for nine months and has grown accustomed to the rhythm of your heartbeat. He knows the sound of your voice. He feels the pulse of your moods. And then, suddenly, one day, he experiences a traumatic event. When it is over, he finds his familiar surroundings gone. Instead, he is in an unknown place, full of lights and strange voices, and he screams. 

It's instinctual.

He screams for the one thing he comes into this world knowing; the comfort of his mother's heart. Not just her physical heart, but her metaphysical heart, too: her being. 

If she's a kind, loving, and caring mother who remains with him, he flourishes.

But if she has to go back to work two weeks after he is born, as many mothers are obligated to do today, and some even choose to do, he is placed in daycare with strangers. The stranger is contracted to play "mother" while his real mother is absent for eight or nine hours a day. 

Wouldn't it be stressful for you if you were suddenly picked up and transplanted into a world of strangers, who spoke a language you didn't understand, and you had no idea what had happened?

For a moment, just imagine what this would feel like!

The quality of the care the child gets matters very much.

A baby who receives the minimal supervision of being fed and kept clean is at risk of mental retardation and even death, as we've seen from the orphanages in Romania.

There are degrees of emotional connection we have with one another. On one end of the spectrum, a child can have an uncaring caregiver like the children in Romania, which, again, caused the deaths of many orphans. At the other end of the spectrum, a child can experience the loving care of a mother who nourishes her child and whose child thrives.

What Science Has to Say About It

Science tells us that children in daycare do not always blossom as children at home with their mothers do. Daycare children have weaker immune systems, more frequent colds and more ear infections. We know that stress suppresses our immune systems, so these findings should not surprise us. 

Science also tells us that children develop signs of mental instability as early as five years of age now. We have childhood problems such as anxiety and depression on the rise. These kinds of mental afflictions are an unprecedented modern phenomenon that correlates with the shift from full-time mother to full-time working mother.

Questionably, the conclusion to studies like these is never that babies and young children need their mothers at home instead of the office.

And what about the mother? When the working mother is home, she is fraught with the burden of domestic duties with little left for the emotional nurturing of her family. 

Stress affects our body, and it affects our mind, too; it alters our outlook on life. It's not only the baby that suffers. We can tell ourselves that everything will be all right, but unless we get our stress levels under control, we can't stop the stress from taking its toll on our well-being too.

The Broken Heart Syndrome

There was a man I once knew who was suffering from exhaustion and weight loss. At the time, he suspected he might have a chronic illness, so he went to his doctor and was put through a battery of tests, all negative. 

The doctor began to ask him about his life to see if an event could have triggered his symptoms. My friend admitted that he had been recovering from a break-up with a woman he had intended to marry. Even though a year had passed, he was still struggling with his loss.

The doctor's diagnosis: a broken heart.

We know adults die from broken hearts; why do we expect babies to be more resilient than adults?

It's not surprising that the increase in child mortality rates also corresponds with the rise in mothers going back to work, and that significantly more SID cases happen in daycare.

Natures Infinite Protection

What about the maternal instinct that prompts us to check on our baby just in the nick of time? If you are a mother with older children, then you know it's a miracle your child survived his childhood. 

No matter how diligent we are, children will have plenty of close calls with danger; it is unavoidable. The child doesn’t fall over the precipice, though, because we get that nudge in our hearts to make sure everything is all right; but sometimes it isn't all right, and we arrive just in the nick of time to save him from a perilous situation. 

Unless she's a highly intuitive person, a daycare worker will not have this life-saving maternal instinct for the babies under her care. It's something the mother has, which is why we call it "maternal" instinct. 

One in four mothers has to return to work just weeks after her baby is born, so it should not bewilder us that America has the highest infant mortality rate of industrialized nations. Seventy-five percent of mothers work today. Three-quarters of the homes in our country are bereft of a mother during her child's prime waking hours.

The Beatles Nailed It

“Money can't buy me love,” the Beatles sang back in the 60s. No caregiver, primary or not, can match the care of a mother for her young.

If we want to build healthy, happy families, we can't leave the responsibility of raising our children to a paid employee. The well-being of your child, and the strength of your bond with your child, depends upon your being present in your child's life.

Because you, dear mother, are indispensable. 

Homeschool the smart way by joining the Smart Homeschooler Academy summer program to learn how to give your child the best of an elite education at home.

Join our waiting list for Elizabeth’s online course: Raise Your Child Well to Live a Life He Loves.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader—a free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Using her unusual skill set, she has developed a comprehensive and unique understanding of how to raise and educate a child, and she devotes her time to help parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.