"No matter what I do, it never seems to be enough!" is a typical complaint from your average 21st-century parent.
While parents are understandably frustrated, they're little ones are growing up to become entitled adults.
Common strategies employed to battle the empidemic of ingratitude are not working either. The Sermon is a perfect example of a strategy that has failed us.
THE SERMON
We lecture our kids to be grateful for what they have, and our lectures fall on deaf ears. They have no idea what we are talking about. For the most part, they always had what they need and gotten what they wanted.
And even if they hadn’t, poor character traits are not conquered by lecturing and “ingratitude” is a poor character trait.
Better not to let the trait develop in the first place!
“Take full account of what Excellencies you possess, and in gratitude remember how you would hanker after them, if you had them not.”
— Marcus Aurelius
THE SECRET
The secret, therefore, to teaching your children to appreciate the things you provide for them is to raise them to be minimalists. The less they have, the more appreciative they'll be when you give them more.
The less often you indulge them with their wants, the less they'll come to expect them. When you do give your children a want, they'll be grateful, and they won't forget to say thank you.
The words of true gratitude will come roaring out of them, no prodding needed.
A minimalist philosophy isn't restricted to material goods either. You can apply it to all aspects of your children’s lives by saying “no” to them more than you say “yes.”
John Rosemond calls it Vitamin N. It's not that you want to become a contrarian and rigidly oppose everything your children ask for, but raise them to understand that their wants are not your primary concern.
“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”
— A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh
Provide your children with the things they need for emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual growth, but raise them to understand that the goal of your life is not to make them happy but to raise them well.
This isn't to say that you never accommodate a want of theirs, but don't make it a habit to indulge them too much.
What’s the rule?!
It’s simple: say no 75% of the time and say yes 25% of the time. If you practice this ratio of yes to no’s, you’ll see the gratitude scale climb steadily in your home.
A golden parenting rule to remember is that you aren't responsible for making your children happy; that’s up to them to figure out.
And they’ll discover the secret to happiness much faster if you indulge them less.
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"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
