A child who hasn’t been given clear boundaries, and who hasn’t learned to respect the adults in his life is not a happy child.

Yet, this is the plight too many American children find themselves in today, because parents have lost a sense of what to expect from their children and of what their children are capable of doing.

In short, parents have misunderstood their foremost role as leader to their children.

Let me ask you this: when was the last time you were a guest in someone’s home? Did the children greet you? Did they help serve the food? Did they help clean up?

Chances are that you said no to all three questions, however, this a prime occasion to teach a child some important lessons all of which make for a happier child. But children are no longer taught the lesson of how to greet a newcomer, and they are no longer taught to help serve the guests, nor do they learn to help clean up afterward.

Instead, the children play, and the adults serve.

“The more parents do for a child, the less the child is ultimately capable of doing for himself.”

— John Rosemond

I’m a huge fan of child’s play, but not all the time. There are times when a child needs to learn how to be courteous and to help. There are times when a child needs to learn how to serve others. There are times when a parent needs to step up to the plate and teach their child these things.

Teach your child to serve others, and you’ll raise an adult who is kind, considerate, and helpful. Teach your child to be waited on and you’ll raise a child who is entitled, unappreciative, and ungrateful, not to mention discontent.

Inviting guests to your home welcomes an excellent occasion to teach your child a few habits that will serve him well in life.

Here are 5 of these opportunities that you may have overlooked, but, hopefully, will never overlook again:

1) Teach your child to stop what he is doing to greet your guests

I don’t know how many times I’ve entered a home in which the parents had utterly failed to teach their child how to greet a guest. I always find it the oddest thing. Why would someone neglect such a fundamental courtesy as teaching his/her child to acknowledge a fellow human being?

Each person possesses an inherent dignity that deserves paying homage to whether a child feels like it or not. Impart this to your child when he's young, and it'll be a maxim he lives by when he's older.

2) Teach your child to help you prepare for the guests, and start him at a very young age.

If a child can walk, talk, and make articulate demands of you, he is certainly old enough to take part in the preparation of a dinner party.

For example, give your four-year-old the task of putting the napkins on the table. If he drops one, no problem, it won’t break. If you have to rearrange them all after he’s done, it’ll be worth the trouble.

He’s learning how to help; this is what counts. A seven-year-old can set the table nicely. A ten-year-old can prepare the salad. As a general rule, give each child at least one task to do before the guests arrive.

Give them whatever task you want to give them, but have them do something. It might even be to look after the younger children, after all, what the child does is irrelevant; that he’s helping is not.

3) When it comes time to serve the meal, let the older children help.

They can help put dishes on the table or actually help serve the food depending upon how formal or informal your dining is. Let them know beforehand what you want each child to do so they know exactly what’s expected of them.

4) As soon as all the guests have finished eating, teach your older children to help remove their plates from the table.

Place one very small bowl beside each guest as a landing place for when their eyeballs fall out in disbelief. The irony is that there was a time when it was shocking if a child didn’t help; now it’s shocking when he does!

5) Have the older children do the dishes whether they are a family or a guest.

It doesn’t matter (assuming everyone knows each other well and there’s a certain level of familiarity); all of the older children can help wash up. The truth is, they’ll have fun working together. It makes them feel mature and responsible and it helps them become mature and responsible.

(Disclaimer: this may not be received well if the children of your guests are not used to doing anything. In this case, you might just have your own children do some of the dishes and let them serve as an example to the others.)

6) They can also help you serve dessert and remember to let them indulge too.

After all, they were great helpers!

When it comes time for the guests to leave, your children should come to the door with you and say goodbye to everyone.

These are good habits you're instilling in your children, so they don’t think twice about not greeting a guest properly or helping you when they’re older. They’re also not stuck in the wretched mentality of “I don’t feel like it!”

“Someone who fails, as a child, to learn to be obedient will forever travel a rough road.”

— John Rosemond

Sometimes we do things because it’s the right thing to do, and not because we feel like it. Being courteous towards and helping others is one of these times. The fact is that doing the right thing vs. what we feel like doing leads to more happiness, not less.

It’s not an intellectual understanding; it’s a matter of the heart. Whether we understand it or not, we feel better when we do the right thing. Don't lecture your child on this topic, though, because he won’t get it.

But you can train him in the right way so he lives it.