A Simple Home Adjustment to Nurture Lifelong Sibling Friendships
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We have happiness down to a science now: a fulfilling marriage, a tight-knit family, supportive friends, and meaningful work.
(A tall order, possibly?)
There is one element, though, that's more vital than the others; it's the element of a loving family.
You may not have the most dynamic marriage in the world, you may not have the most fulfilling work, you may not even have a lot of supportive friends, but if you've got a solid family, you have a haven of people you love and who love you and who's company brings you comfort.
“The strength of family isn’t determined by the number of members, but rather by the amount of love given and received.”
And that’s a lot.
But what makes for a loving family? Many things do but the vital component we tend to overlook fostering is closeness. The siblings in solid families tend to be close to one another.
One of the ways you can foster closeness amongst siblings is by having them share a bedroom.
When did this idea that every child needed a separate room creep into our society? We used to build smaller homes and larger yards and have more closely-knit families.
The children shared bedrooms, and they had a lot of space outside for play and exploration.
Now we build bigger homes with miniature yards, and each child is tucked away into his private bedroom.
6 Advantages to Shared Bedrooms
Sharing a bedroom with a sibling provides a child with many advantages including a closeness you won't get living down the hall from one another.
1) Sharing a bedroom teaches a child to be considerate.
Unless he wants to battle constantly with his sibling, a child quickly learns to keep his things where they belong and to respect another persons' space.
2) Sharing a bedroom fosters the habit of sharing
Children share bedrooms, so sharing is a daily event in their lives. They learn to share a small space, and they figure out how they have to behave to get along with one another in this little space.
After all, someday they will grow up and either be a co-worker, a roommate, or a spouse, all of which require learning to share close-quarters peacefully.
3) Night time chats build closeness
“We didn’t realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun. ”
Kids will stay up at night chatting after the lights are out.
After hours conversations are crucial bonding time when kids discuss things that happened during the day, or maybe they talk about things they'll do tomorrow, or they confidentially share their dreams for the future.
If you're worried that your children won't get enough sleep, and if you know they are going to chat after hours (while pretending you are unawares), you might consider putting them to bed a half an hour earlier rather than battle with them to be quiet at night.
4) Negotiating the problems
Sometimes they even fight in their bedroom, and they learn how to resolve their squabbles without parental intervention. Unsupervised disagreements teach them the art of negotiation, which is a vital skill to acquire. Life is a series of negotiations.
5) Developing independent spirits
Bedroom time is their private time away from the supervision of the adults where siblings can discuss and do anything they want, within reason. It fosters a sense of independence which is important for a life well lived.
6) The Boogey Man
Some children feel uncomfortable at night and may even wake up in the middle of the night, but having a sibling in the room quiets this discomfort and makes them feel safe.
It's a funny phenomenon that having someone else in the room makes us feel safe even if the person is too young or too old to protect us. It's not any different for a child.
A Family of Best Friends
Recently, I went to the wedding of a young woman I've known since she was a child. Each of her sisters spoke at her wedding. They each spoke about different things, but there was a common theme.
The theme was one of friendship. Each of the girls referred to her sisters as her "best" friends.
“Friends come and go, but brothers (sisters) are forever.”
They were from a low-income family who could only afford a two-bedroom apartment. One room was for the parents, and the other room was for the three girls.
The girls spoke about how they stayed up after the lights went out chatting about everything from what they would wear the next day to who they would marry when they grew up.
Would they have been as close if they'd grown up in a 4000 Sq ft house, and each girl had a separate bedroom?
I would bet my life that they would not.
With the breakdown of family bonds today, you want to do everything you can to ensure your children are close friends. Having them share a bedroom is one way to accomplish this.
People want bigger and bigger houses today, but smaller homes are where the stronger bonds are built.
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Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.
