As an activist for helping parents raise good readers, you may be surprised to hear me say that there are times when it is wrong for a child to read a book.
You see, there is an etiquette to reading just like there is an etiquette to everything in life: there’s a time to read and a time not to read.
Fortunately, unlike table manners, there are only two reading rules your child needs to learn.
THE RULES
Rule #1.
Books should never come to the dinner table or any other table where food is present. When you eat, you eat; when you read, you read.
It is uncivil to read a book at the dinner table. Meal times are a time for pleasant conversations and showing an interest in what others have to say, which is virtually impossible to do while reading.
Out of respect for books, children (nor adults) should ever eat while reading. You don't want to soil the books with food. It’s also a bad habit to eat while reading because it can lead to unwanted weight gain.
Rule #2.
Children should not read at social gatherings.
I’ve seen children plop themselves and their books in a central position to the other guests as if to holler, "Look, I have something better to do than talk to all of you!"
The accomplishment of raising a good reader, which a parent does deserves to feel proud of, should never justify a display of antisocial behavior from a child.
I’m sure I’m not the only adult who’s had conversations with kids that go something like this:
"Hi, sweety, how are you?"
Child looks up uninterestedly.
“Fine."
Child’s head goes back into book.
"What are you reading?"
"A book."
While it's fabulous, marvelous and awesome that he is reading, his manners leave a lot to be desired.
This sort of behavior is a red flag that the parents are failing to teach their child right from wrong in matters of lasting significance.
“I am always saying “Glad to’ve met you” to somebody I’m not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.”
Reading a book should never take precedence over socializing with a guest.
It's not that a child should leave his books at home when he goes out. He can take a book on an airplane, for a long drive, or to the doctor's office. But when it comes to socializing, he should put the book down and practice his social skills.
“Politeness [is] a sign of dignity, not subservience.”
WHAT ABOUT SOCIALIZATION?
Engaging in social activities can be uncomfortable and awkward for young children, especially if they're shy. Hiding their face in a book is one way to avoid the awkwardness.
But it's not the right way.
The right thing to do and the thing most beneficial for your child is to let him face his shyness by engaging in conversation with others. Children do not develop good social skills in a vacuum, they learn them by socializing. In other words, through practice.
As Daniel Goleman demonstrates in his ground-breaking book, Emotional Intelligence, good social skills–which are predicated upon good manners–are the basis for just about everything in life that will make a person happy: a successful marriage, good relationships with one's children, long-term friendships, and a successful career.
And Goleman's research proves that there are even times when a child should not read a book!
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
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As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
