What Do Banana and Honey Sandwiches Have to Do with Literacy?

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Neil Postman made an argument in 1982 that childhood was disappearing because multi-media erased the boundary between what adults knew and what children knew.

In the same vein, he warned us, so is adulthood disappearing.

A pathetic statistic is that adult television shows cater to the mentality of a twelve-year-old child, according to Postman, who wrote the prescient book, The Disappearance of Childhood.

Isn’t that mortifying?!

The literate world of adults was the boundary that separated children from adults. With everyone plugged into the same immature television shows, and few people reading today, that boundary is disappearing.

Childhood / adulthood aren’t the only things at risk of becoming obsolete. We call ourselves a literate society, but are we, really?

When we declared ourselves a literate country, there was no television and, if you could read, you read at more sophisticated levels because it was pre-dumbed-down America.

This is no longer true. Writers who write for the average public intentionally use less vocabulary and shorter sentences to meet the demands of a populace of poor readers.

Yet, if we understand the mechanics of reading and writing at a basic level, we’re classified as literate even if we can’t do either well.

Someone who can barely run around the block, however, can hardly be called a runner. Someone who can barely hit the ball over the net can hardly be called a tennis player, someone who knows how to make a hotdog can hardly be called a cook.

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We aren’t labeled a runner, a tennis player, or a cook until we can perform at an intermediate level, at least. Until then, we’re learning how to do said skill.

Out of curiosity, I looked up UNESCO's definition of literacy. Not surprisingly, the definition changed around the time institutionalized schooling took root.

UNESCO used to define literacy as an ability to read and write (presumably well) to the following mumbo jumbo:

Literacy is the ability to identify, understand, interpret, create, communicate and compute, using printed and written materials associated with varying contexts. Literacy involves a continuum of learning in enabling individuals to achieve their goals, to develop their knowledge and potential, and to participate fully in their community and wider society (UNESCO, 2004; 2017).

You can teach children to hate reading, to do it poorly, and to hate themselves for not measuring up to the false premises of institutional reading practices–premises which provide the foundation of our multi-billion dollar reading industry.
— John Taylor Gatto - The Exhausted School

If we redefine literacy to include only those people who were proficient readers, and by proficient reader I mean someone who could read, discuss and write about a piece of work such as The Federalists Papers or The Iliad, we'd have to conclude that we're mostly an illiterate society.

Before you decide my suggestion is literacy ad absurdum, consider this: 

Our standards for literacy are so low that if an adult can read a simple newspaper article and underline what the swimmer ate, we classify him as literate.

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Lest you think I'm being facetious, here's a question, taken from a newspaper article, that was on the National Adult Literacy Test: 

Q. Underline the sentence that tells what Ms. Chanin ate during the swim.

A. A spokesman for the swimmer, Roy Brunett, said Chanin had kept up her strength with "banana and honey sandwiches, hot chocolate, lots of water and granola bars."

As long as someone can make out the spelling of banana, which is not difficult to do, he can figure out that this is the correct sentence to underline.

But is this the right approach? Shouldn’t we raise the standards, so we educate our children to become adults who can tackle difficult reading material?

You probably have school-age children whose education you’re concerned about. These are the years when you want to put a lot of effort into training your children's minds.

You can train them to run intellectual circles around the rest of us, or you can train them to underline what a swimmer ate; the choice is yours.

Let me offer you a hand by sharing a few strategies you can use to keep the door of knowledge open for your children:

Make It Easy

With any bad habit we try to break, the first step is to get rid of the obstacles keeping us from adopting the new habit. In this case, we should start with our screens.

A movie on the weekends for older children is plenty, if they ask. Other than that, keep the screens tucked away someplace. 

To take this step requires an understanding that if you want more for your child, if you want him to rise above the less-than-mediocre standards today, then you will need to make some sacrifices. 

Let me ask you a question: do you have a television in your living room so you can watch the news every evening?

For many of us, keeping screens hidden is a burden because they're so much a part of our lives now. We depend upon them for many things such as answers to quick questions, the latest news, and frying our brains.

Speaking of frying our brains, the other day I went to a piano recital where my son was performing. The recitals are usually in a church, and so there's an unspoken understanding that it isn't a place for chitchat or smartphones. But this last recital was in the Steinway piano store.

We got there just before it started, so we had no choice but to sit in the back. It turned out that the back of the room was where all the parenting smartphone addicts sat. My God, the number of mothers glued to their phones was astounding.

The only time they looked up was when their own child performed. 

They have no idea what they missed.

Anyhow books (nor piano recitals) can successfully compete with screen time. It's a known fact which anyone can easily test without leaving home. 

Find Inspiring Friends

Find like-minded families to raise your children with; people who will support your values and your high standards rather than undermine them. (And be that family for someone else.)

Company matters.

If you can't find like-minded families, start talking about your concerns until someone will listen, but don't give up. Someone will eventually listen and be brave enough to do what Neil Postman advises us to do, go against the culture.

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There are parents who are committed to doing all of these things [no screens], who are in effect defying the directives of their cultures. Such parents are not only helping their children to have a childhood but are, at the same time, creating a sort of intellectual elite. 
— Neil Postman

If our culture is producing mediocrity, then we can't do what everyone else is doing. We have to muster up the courage to go against the grain of society.

To become a truly rebellious spirit, line your walls with good books and start reading everyday to your children. If you aren't a reader yourself, have faith that you can become one.

Many people who weren’t formerly good readers chose to become good readers in adulthood, but it takes determination and perseverance. 

You can do it. I know people who have.

Everything is in a state of flux; you are either flexing the noodle between your ears and making it stronger, or you aren't. 

Create a culture of wonder and learning in your home. Have intelligent discussions with your children about the great ideas, history, science, literature, philosophy, and so forth.

Raising and educating children today takes a lot of work; it always did. We're used to delegating the task to the government with the consequence of getting a child who is not all that he or she could be. 

Mediocre is not the same as excellent or, for that matter, even very good.

The brain is a phenomenal organ, and it grows with the right kind of stimulation. It houses the mind like the body houses the soul.

Let it be a great mind.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader, free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child an elite education at home.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education. She has two successfully homeschooled children in college.

The Problem with Following Your Passion

The Problem with Following Your Passion

Teaching your children to follow their passion sounds promising, but when you reflect on the word passion, you realize it's a misnomer. We don’t actually want our children to follow their passions.

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Raise a Smarter Kid with This Simple Practice

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The Practice

A strong memory is the foundation of high intelligence. Having young children to memorize rhymes and poetry is an excellent way to develop their memories and their intellects.

Once they are in the formal years of instruction, you can have them memorize wise maxims and worthy passages from different books too. 

Children who are raised with the habit of doing memory work will become accustomed to it, and not shy away from it when they're older. Young children particularly love to memorize anything, so this is the prime time to do memory work with them.

Let us not then lose even the earliest period of life, and so much the less, as the elements of learning depend on the memory alone, which not only exists in children, but is at that time of life even most tenacious.
— Marcus Fabius Quintilianus

They won't see it as a difficult task or an impossible task like children do today, but they'll tackle it with determination, and they'll succeed which will have the added effect of building their confidence.

A Declining Skill

A useful skill that memorization teaches us is the ability to focus. In an age of constant distraction, focusing on anything for more than a second is under siege. 

There is no quicker way to lay waste to our memories than by distraction. If we aren't present in our actions and our thoughts, we shall fail to store them in our minds. This is true for our children too.

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As mothers, we tend to set a bad example for our children on this point. It happens when we have young children demanding our attention while we're trying to focus on something else.

We get pulled into too many directions, which is why you often hear women complain of a declining memory after they have children. 

(Protecting your memory is another good reason to raise your children to figure things out for themselves, and thereby reduce the number of times you're interrupted during the day.)

We want to protect our children from having weak memories by starting them with memory work even before they begin grade school. Around age four would be a good time to start.

A Happy Spirit

Keep it light and fun though–you never want to put undue pressure on a child’s budding heart.

Read rhymes over and over again, and your children will memorize them without effort. Read age-appropriate poetry to your children and have them learn short stanzas by heart.

When you go to the grocery store, introduce a memory game. Have your children memorize the shopping list. You can learn it, too, and then see who remembers most of the items on the list. 

Children love this game especially since they usually win!

Learn by Heart

Memory work, or learning by heart, as it was once called, was a vital component of the Ancient Greek and Roman education. The Greeks and Romans had sophisticated memory tools to facilitate the learning by heart of epic poems.

For example, every school child in Ancient Greece would learn The Iliad and The Odyssey by heart. 

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When children learn things by heart, it also helps to form their characters and their world views, which is precisely why the Greeks had their children learn epic poems about their heroes by heart.

Learning by heart’, which speaks to the soul, has been replaced by ‘rote-learning’ and ‘learning by rote’, which are disparaging and off-putting terms that have the effect of making memorizing into a matter of using the brain as a piece of machinery.
— Mr. Gwynne

Today, we don't have children learn anything by heart in school anymore. Not only this, but we use the term “rote” memorization and speak condescendingly of it.

Did you learn anything by heart? I never did. 

The Memory Disadvantage

Yet, the memory is a crucial component of our intelligence. People who have weaker memories are at an intellectual disadvantage over those who have strong memories.

Why would we raise our children to be at a disadvantage when they're natural inclination is to develop their memories? 

It's like preventing a child from learning to walk. Why would we physically handicap them? We wouldn’t, nor should we handicap them intellectually by failing to train their memories.

It's our job as parents and teachers to provide our children with memory work, yet, we overlook this vital element to education because "rote" memorizing is not an effective way to teach.

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Rote memory work, as Mr. Gwynne points out, is not the proper term anyway. Learning by heart is a much more humane way to look at an easy method of training your child's mind to do great things. 

In our misguided efforts to spare our children the boredom of memory work, are we not dumbing them down?

Have you got your free copy of How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader? It comes with an 80+ book list of carefully chosen books to support your child’s intellectual development.

Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

A Simple Home Adjustment to Nurture Lifelong Sibling Friendships

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We have happiness down to a science now: a fulfilling marriage, a tight-knit family, supportive friends, and meaningful work. 

(A tall order, possibly?) 

There is one element, though, that's more vital than the others; it's the element of a loving family. 

You may not have the most dynamic marriage in the world, you may not have the most fulfilling work, you may not even have a lot of supportive friends, but if you've got a solid family, you have a haven of people you love and who love you and who's company brings you comfort.

The strength of family isn’t determined by the number of members, but rather by the amount of love given and received.
— Anonymous

And that’s a lot. 

But what makes for a loving family? Many things do but the vital component we tend to overlook fostering is closeness. The siblings in solid families tend to be close to one another.

One of the ways you can foster closeness amongst siblings is by having them share a bedroom. 

When did this idea that every child needed a separate room creep into our society? We used to build smaller homes and larger yards and have more closely-knit families.

The children shared bedrooms, and they had a lot of space outside for play and exploration.

Now we build bigger homes with miniature yards, and each child is tucked away into his private bedroom. 

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6 Advantages to Shared Bedrooms

Sharing a bedroom with a sibling provides a child with many advantages including a closeness you won't get living down the hall from one another. 

1) Sharing a bedroom teaches a child to be considerate. 

Unless he wants to battle constantly with his sibling, a child quickly learns to keep his things where they belong and to respect another persons' space. 

2) Sharing a bedroom fosters the habit of sharing

Children share bedrooms, so sharing is a daily event in their lives. They learn to share a small space, and they figure out how they have to behave to get along with one another in this little space. 

After all, someday they will grow up and either be a co-worker, a roommate, or a spouse, all of which require learning to share close-quarters peacefully.

3) Night time chats build closeness

We didn’t realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun.
— Winnie the Pooh

Kids will stay up at night chatting after the lights are out.

After hours conversations are crucial bonding time when kids discuss things that happened during the day, or maybe they talk about things they'll do tomorrow, or they confidentially share their dreams for the future. 

If you're worried that your children won't get enough sleep, and if you know they are going to chat after hours (while pretending you are unawares), you might consider putting them to bed a half an hour earlier rather than battle with them to be quiet at night. 

4) Negotiating the problems

Sometimes they even fight in their bedroom, and they learn how to resolve their squabbles without parental intervention. Unsupervised disagreements teach them the art of negotiation, which is a vital skill to acquire. Life is a series of negotiations. 

5) Developing independent spirits

 Bedroom time is their private time away from the supervision of the adults where siblings can discuss and do anything they want, within reason. It fosters a sense of independence which is important for a life well lived.

6) The Boogey Man

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Some children feel uncomfortable at night and may even wake up in the middle of the night, but having a sibling in the room quiets this discomfort and makes them feel safe.

It's a funny phenomenon that having someone else in the room makes us feel safe even if the person is too young or too old to protect us. It's not any different for a child. 

A Family of Best Friends

Recently, I went to the wedding of a young woman I've known since she was a child. Each of her sisters spoke at her wedding. They each spoke about different things, but there was a common theme.

The theme was one of friendship. Each of the girls referred to her sisters as her "best" friends. 

Friends come and go, but brothers (sisters) are forever.
— Anonymous

They were from a low-income family who could only afford a two-bedroom apartment. One room was for the parents, and the other room was for the three girls. 

The girls spoke about how they stayed up after the lights went out chatting about everything from what they would wear the next day to who they would marry when they grew up.

Would they have been as close if they'd grown up in a 4000 Sq ft house, and each girl had a separate bedroom?

I would bet my life that they would not. 

With the breakdown of family bonds today, you want to do everything you can to ensure your children are close friends. Having them share a bedroom is one way to accomplish this. 

People want bigger and bigger houses today, but smaller homes are where the stronger bonds are built. 

Have you got your free copy of How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader? It comes with an 80+ book list of carefully chosen books to support your child’s intellectual development.

Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Teach Your Children to Cook!

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In each home, around in the world, there is nothing more comforting than the smell of delightful aromas coming from the kitchen.

Yet, so many girls and boys are coming of age and do not know how to cook. What's more, young women seem to see it as a sign of their liberation. 

Being dependent upon other people for food is not a sign of liberation; it's a sign that you don't know how to do something as fundamental as providing a home-cooked meal for yourself, nor for anyone else. 

If you are a chef, no matter how good a chef you are, it’s not good cooking for yourself; the joy is in cooking for others - it’s the same with music.
— will.i.am

The irony is that children love to cook. Why are they coming-of-age bereft of this skill? Let's not dwell on the reasons here, but let's work quickly to fix the problem.

7 Easy Steps to Teach Your Child how to Cook

Step 1) Correct the Problem

It begins with you. If you're a mother who is not providing nourishing meals for her family, you must first learn to correct this.

(The variables of family are too numerous today to keep up with, hence, we'll take the less-complicated version: mom cooks and dad brings home the bread.)

YouTube is full of chefs dying to teach you how to cook. By studying two or three of their recipes, you will completely change the environment in your home and be cooking 5-star meals before you know it. 

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Now that your children have a role model to emulate, you can begin to teach little John and little Mary how to cook a meal or two.

Step 2) First Teach Them Only What Their Hands Can Do

In the beginning, you'll have them do things like shell peas and tear up lettuce for the salad. Before they are old enough to be responsible with a knife, you'll have them do any task that doesn't involve sharp items.

Step 3) Peeling Progression

Around the age of six, you can show them how to peel potatoes, carrots, cucumbers, and anything else you can think of. Let the peeling of anything become their domain. 

By the way, these are not chores. Helping to prepare the food should be seen as fun time in the kitchen with mom (which means that you should NEVER complain about having to make dinner).

Step 4) Salad’s On

By the age of seven or eight, if not sooner, they should be able to prepare a salad on their own. Give your children the task of making the salad once or twice a week, or more often if you prefer. 

Step 5) Carbs Galore

Next come the preparation and cooking of the rice and potatoes. This next step involves the stovetop, so they have to be old enough to handle a flame. If you have a gas top, the pressing concern here is that they are responsible and focused enough to remember to turn the flame all the way off. 

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If not, you should supervise them until they are. In the meantime, show your children how to rinse the rice. Next, show them how to measure the water, bring the rice to a boil, cover and let simmer for 20 minutes. There are tricks to making a perfect bowl of rice, so if you know these tricks (I don't), then be sure to include them. 

Next, they can learn to make mashed potatoes. They peel, wash, and boil the potatoes. Drain the potatoes (you may have to help here, because the pan may be too heavy for them), add butter and milk and mash. If you don't like mashing potatoes, the good news is that children love it. You will never have to mash potatoes again.

Step 6) The Big Fish

Next, show them how to prepare the main dish. I recommend beginning with fish, which is less complicated to prepare. Show John and Jane how to wash the fish, put it in a baking dish, make the sauce, pour it over the fish, and cook it. 

Step 7) Early Graduation

Once they complete all three of these steps successfully, you are now ready to grant your children the privilege of cooking an entire meal. They should be around nine or ten by this time (could be sooner!).

You now get to sit back, enjoy a cup of tea and some conversation with your spouse, and wait for what will soon be a delicious meal.

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Moving forward, let your children take over the kitchen at least one night during the week to learn how to master the art of cooking and to give yourself a break. 

A chef’s palate is born out of his childhood, and one thing all chefs have in common is a mother who can cook.
— Marco Pierre White

By the time your children are 11 and 13, they should be able to handle an entire Thanksgiving dinner for ten people all by themselves. 

I only know this because when my children were these ages, I was recovering from the flu and not up to cooking our annual Thanksgiving dinner. 

I was lying in bed the day before Thanksgiving, and, while not contagious anymore, I was still exhausted. My intention was to call my guests that morning and let them know that I  wouldn't be able to host the Thanksgiving dinner that year.

My daughter came in quietly and said in a low voice, Mom, do you think I could make the Thanksgiving dinner, so we don't have to cancel our party?"

"Do you think you can handle it?" I ask, quite frankly, incredulously. 

"Yes," I'm sure I can."

"Then I think it's a fabulous idea!"

Always remember: If you’re alone in the kitchen and you drop the lamb, you can always just pick it up. Who’s going to know?
— Julia Child

Truthfully, and I'm not the kind of mother who exaggerates her children's accomplishments, but it was one of the best Thanksgiving dinners ever. 

The other point to mention is that, at their ages, it would never have occurred to me that they could handle a meal of this magnitude. 

Homeschooled kids, I have found, are like this. Nothing is ever too big to tackle. By the time they reach the teens, if homeschooled well, they will know how to teach themselves just about anything one can learn, within reason. 

One warning, though: while your children are capable of cooking a full meal long before they will be ready to move out, you don't want to give up your place in the kitchen for more than one or two nights a week. 

There will never be anything as comforting as "mom" in the kitchen, whipping up a fabulous meal. No one can fill the shoes of your child's mother, ever. 

They're your shoes to walk in; enjoy the journey.

Don’t miss your copy of:  Top Ten YouTube Cooking Channels. With the download, you’ll also get a link to a great film about a famous chef that’s guaranteed to inspire you.

Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

I Want to Sing Like the Birds

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Happy New Year!

I love the New Year because it’s a time of hope and renewal. It’s also a perfect time to take stock of how we’re showing up in our families and make adjustments where necessary.

We only get one chance to build a functional family. We want to do the best job we can do, so our hard work and efforts bring us joy and satisfaction rather than hardship and disappointment.

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here are four aspects of building a functional family that are helpful to reflect on and see where we might need to improve a little.

Domestic Duties

Is your home chaotic? Do you waste time trying to find things that never seem to be where they belong? Are your kids waking up at odd hours and sleeping at odd hours? Do mealtimes consist of scrambling to find something to cook at the last minute?

Are your kids struggling to get your attention because you’re glued to your phone more times than not?

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Parenting Duties

Do days go by when you realize you haven’t had time to stop and read to your children? Are your children demanding and bossy? Are they indoors complaining of boredom too often? Are they glued to the tube? Are you struggling to find time to take them out into nature or even to the park?

Marriage Duties

Do you sometimes feel like life revolves around your children, and there’s no time for anything else? Are you and your spouse growing more distant from one another because everything else screams so much louder for your time and attention?

Self-Care

Do you feel overwhelmed, overworked, and under-appreciated?

Does your life feel like you’re on a treadmill, and you find yourself daydreaming of escaping to some faraway place? No matter how hard you try, does it seem like you never manage to find a moment to take a quiet break?

Whether you said yes or no to any of the above, we all have plenty of room for improvement. This is a good time of the year to take stock of the past year,  refocus, and put a plan in place to create more harmony in your family life for 2020. 

Raising children shouldn’t exhaust you and leave you with little time for anything else. If you have children under three, maybe, but as the children get older, your workload should lighten.

You aren’t trying to have a perfect family, but you do want to have some balance in your life when you’re raising children. There is work involved, and sometimes there are struggles too, but the rewards should outweigh the difficulties.

An old friend of mine once said to me, “Life is difficult, but it should be enjoyed.” 

Amidst all of the difficulties in life, all the things that don’t work out the way we thought they would, all the disappointments that come with being human; there is something sublime, something majestic, something divine about being alive that we want to help our children embrace.

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Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.
— Confucius

Each day brings new wonder and joy, whether we have the presence of mind to notice or not. 

Today is a great day for us to make some New Year’s resolutions that will help us experience more of the beauty in life and less of the overwhelm. Rumi understood this when he said:

I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.
— Rumi

It’s a fact that putting New Year’s resolutions down on paper is a useful exercise to help us live lives that are in harmony with the kind of person we want to be and better reflect the kind of life we want to live.

Some people think it’s silly, but just writing your intention down makes you more likely to reach your goals and aspirations. If you have an accountability friend, that spikes your chances even higher. 

The New Year’s resolution tradition now has some research to back it up and silence the naysayers amongst us, which means that, if you haven’t already, you should grab some paper and start writing.

Happy New Year!

Don’t miss our free download, Do Your Parenting Strategies Need Tweaking?

Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Are You Overlooking This Opportunity to Raise Happier Kids?

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A child who hasn’t been given clear boundaries, and who hasn’t learned to respect the adults in his life is not a happy child.

Yet, this is the plight too many American children find themselves in today, because parents have lost a sense of what to expect from their children and of what their children are capable of doing.

In short, parents have misunderstood their foremost role as leader to their children.

Let me ask you this: when was the last time you were a guest in someone’s home? Did the children greet you? Did they help serve the food? Did they help clean up?

Chances are that you said no to all three questions, however, this a prime occasion to teach a child some important lessons all of which make for a happier child. But children are no longer taught the lesson of how to greet a newcomer, and they are no longer taught to help serve the guests, nor do they learn to help clean up afterward.

Instead, the children play, and the adults serve.

The more parents do for a child, the less the child is ultimately capable of doing for himself.
— John Rosemond

I’m a huge fan of child’s play, but not all the time. There are times when a child needs to learn how to be courteous and to help. There are times when a child needs to learn how to serve others. There are times when a parent needs to step up to the plate and teach their child these things.

Teach your child to serve others, and you’ll raise an adult who is kind, considerate, and helpful. Teach your child to be waited on and you’ll raise a child who is entitled, unappreciative, and ungrateful, not to mention discontent. 

Inviting guests to your home welcomes an excellent occasion to teach your child a few habits that will serve him well in life.

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Here are 5 of these opportunities that you may have overlooked, but, hopefully, will never overlook again:

1) Teach your child to stop what he is doing to greet your guests

I don’t know how many times I’ve entered a home in which the parents had utterly failed to teach their child how to greet a guest. I always find it the oddest thing. Why would someone neglect such a fundamental courtesy as teaching his/her child to acknowledge a fellow human being? 

Each person possesses an inherent dignity that deserves paying homage to whether a child feels like it or not. Impart this to your child when he's young, and it'll be a maxim he lives by when he's older.

2) Teach your child to help you prepare for the guests, and start him at a very young age.

If a child can walk, talk, and make articulate demands of you, he is certainly old enough to take part in the preparation of a dinner party. 

For example, give your four-year-old the task of putting the napkins on the table. If he drops one, no problem, it won’t break. If you have to rearrange them all after he’s done, it’ll be worth the trouble.

He’s learning how to help; this is what counts. A seven-year-old can set the table nicely. A ten-year-old can prepare the salad. As a general rule, give each child at least one task to do before the guests arrive.

Give them whatever task you want to give them, but have them do something. It might even be to look after the younger children, after all, what the child does is irrelevant; that he’s helping is not. 

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3) When it comes time to serve the meal, let the older children help.

They can help put dishes on the table or actually help serve the food depending upon how formal or informal your dining is. Let them know beforehand what you want each child to do so they know exactly what’s expected of them.

4)  As soon as all the guests have finished eating, teach your older children to help remove their plates from the table.

Place one very small bowl beside each guest as a landing place for when their eyeballs fall out in disbelief. The irony is that there was a time when it was shocking if a child didn’t help; now it’s shocking when he does!

5) Have the older children do the dishes whether they are a family or a guest.

It doesn’t matter (assuming everyone knows each other well and there’s a certain level of familiarity); all of the older children can help wash up. The truth is, they’ll have fun working together. It makes them feel mature and responsible and it helps them become mature and responsible. 

(Disclaimer: this may not be received well if the children of your guests are not used to doing anything. In this case, you might just have your own children do some of the dishes and let them serve as an example to the others.)

6) They can also help you serve dessert and remember to let them indulge too.

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After all, they were great helpers!

When it comes time for the guests to leave, your children should come to the door with you and say goodbye to everyone. 

These are good habits you're instilling in your children, so they don’t think twice about not greeting a guest properly or helping you when they’re older. They’re also not stuck in the wretched mentality of “I don’t feel like it!”

Someone who fails, as a child, to learn to be obedient will forever travel a rough road.
— John Rosemond

Sometimes we do things because it’s the right thing to do, and not because we feel like it. Being courteous towards and helping others is one of these times. The fact is that doing the right thing vs. what we feel like doing leads to more happiness, not less. 

It’s not an intellectual understanding; it’s a matter of the heart. Whether we understand it or not, we feel better when we do the right thing. Don't  lecture your child on this topic, though, because he won’t get it. 

But you can train him in the right way so he lives it.

 Are you wondering what kind of books you should read to your children? Get your free list of Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Don’t miss Elizabeth Y. Hanson’s signature course, The Smart Homeschooler Academy: How to Give Your Child a Better Education at Home.

A veteran homeschooler, she now has two successfully-homeschooled children in college.  

3 Things Your Child Should Do Even if It Makes You Panic

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It's a confusing time to be a parent! Many parents let their children do things that aren’t good for their development like play video games, but they don't let their children do things that are good for their development like take risks and get dirty.

Here are three things that you must let your children do no matter how much it makes you panic:

1) Climb a Tree

Children have a natural sense of what they can do and what they can't do. Serious accidents are uncommon, but in the helicopter parenting world today, parents are afraid (moms especially) to let their children do things because they "might" get hurt.

Let them get hurt! A few bumps and scrapes won't kill them. They even survive broken bones.

We grew up in Northern California amongst the redwood trees, the most towering trees in the world. I don’t think we climbed Redwoods, but whatever it was that we did climb, they were tall. We would climb until we got tired of climbing or too scared to climb any higher, which was usually about 30 feet up those trees (an educated guess looking back many years!).

Yes, it was scary, but it was also a thrill.

We felt like conquerors, not of land but of our fear. We felt a sense of accomplishment to climb so high, and it gave us a sense of confidence, excitement, and adventure.

Not everyone has such tall trees available to them, but I have since witnessed mothers who were afraid to let their four-year-olds climb a thick tree branch that was two feet off the ground.

If a parent says things like, "Stop, that's too dangerous!" you interfere with your child’s developmental process.

If something is too dangerous–as in death could result–you probably want to intervene, but beyond that let them soar.

2) Make Mud Pies

Children love to play in the mud. They don't think in constructs of "clean" and "dirty" like we do. They think in constructs of fun, exciting, and worth doing–at least to them. And playing in mud has all three of these. So indulge them.

We had a backyard with a large section of dirt in it. My children spent hours in that section covering themselves in mud to their heart's content. Mud was matted in their hair, dripping from their ears, and embedded in their clothes by the time they finished. I had a huge mess to clean up, but it was always more amusing to me than anything else.

They made mud pies and had make-believe meals, they examined the mud as they closed their fists around it and watched it squish through their fingers, and they had lots of mud fights.

Mud is a perfect medium for developing your children’s senses, imagination, and motor skills - it's a great natural resource that will keep them occupied for hours.

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Eat Mud

I know this might be over the top for many of you, but unless you live in an area where they spray pesticides or you live in a high traffic zone, then let your children eat mud. They won't eat much, but they do like to taste it. I remember eating mud when I was young. It tasted like clay, but I don't think I did more than just taste it. The point is that there was no one hovering over me telling me to stop.

And if an adult was nearby, they weren't worried about it either. Tasting mud was a part of childhood - all children try it at some point. Who doesn't want to know what a little bit of mud tastes like?!

According to modern science, immersing themselves in mud boosters their immune systems. We even have an International Mud Day on June 29th now. This holiday is in retaliation to the hyper-sterile environment that children are growing up in. According to the "Hygiene Hypothesis," the sterile environment is putting children at risk for allergies, asthma, and autoimmune diseases as they get older.

Why? Because the immune system develops by exposure to bacteria, viruses, and parasites, and in the modernly-sterile environment children's immune systems are not being exposed to these things enough, and therefore, they’re immune systems aren't developing as well as they should be.

This makes sense, doesn't it?

3) Roll Down Hills

We used to climb to the top of a small hill and then see who could roll down the fastest. Do children even climb hills today?! They will get dirty, and they may even get grass stains, but that’s all right.

Children need clothes they can get dirty in. While it's fine to have an outfit or two for when the occasion calls, the day-to-day dress of children should not be designer clothes but rough and tumble clothes.

I'm much happier seeing a child with patched knees than a child dressed for a party. Come to think of it; I never see children with patched knees anymore!

And one last thing, remember that a few bumps, and bruises never killed anyone. Children take pride in their bumps and bruises especially the ones that require some cleaning and bandaging.

They're a sign of the battles they fight on the playground of life.

For our upcoming course, Raise Your Child Well: Correct Preparation for a Satisfying, Successful and Happy Adulthood, please join the waiting list to be notified first when enrollment opens again in August, 2019.

Don’t miss our free download, 10 Signs Your Parenting Strategies May Need Tweaking.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson combines her training in holistic medicine, parenting coach certificate, plus 17+ years working in education to provide you with a unique approach to raising and educating your children.

A veteran homeschooler herself, she now has two homeschooled children in college. 

My Country 'Tis of Thee

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My Country 'Tis of Thee

I’m always struck by how often so many authors, prior to the late 20th century, mention a Supreme Creator.

The great minds in our history, in fact, always referred to a “first cause” (God) including Aristotle, Shakespeare, Dante, Thomas Jefferson, John Hancock, and Fyodor Dostoevsky to name a very few.

This isn’t about religious fanaticism, either, as none of the aforementioned were fanatics. It’s about a drastic change in the discourse that’s altered the mood of our country. Not for the better, if you ask me.

Well aware that the opinions and belief of men depend not on their own will, but follow involuntarily the evidence proposed to their minds; that Almighty God hath created the mind free, and manifested his supreme will that free it shall remain by making it altogether insusceptible of restraint...
— Thomas Jefferson

Suddenly, almost overnight, God has been dropped from the conversation. I’ve watched this change take place during my little more than half a century of existence.

Why? How did we change from a country whose normative belief acknowledge a Supreme Rule in its national discourse to the secular-minded, thinking people we've become today?

Times have changed, yes, but I’m talking about a worldview paradigm that existed since forever, and in a matter of years it's been quickly replaced with a new paradigm that's diametrically opposed to it!

Our national discourse is secular. Our schools are secular. Our literature is secular. Our government is secular. 

As the Supreme Ruler of the Universe has seen fit to bestow upon us this glorious opportunity, let us decide upon it–appealing to him for the rectitude of our intentions–and in humble confidence that he will yet continue to bless and save our country. John Hancock
— John Hancock

What happened?

In a country that honors religious freedom, I can understand why we don't have a national religion, nor do I think we should, but to remove God altogether and in such a short time? 

It doesn't make any sense.

When I was young, we began our school days by singing one of America's national anthems:


My country, 'tis of thee,

Sweet land of liberty,

Of thee I sing;

Land where my fathers died,

Land of the pilgrims' pride,

From ev'ry mountainside

Let freedom ring!



My native country, thee,

Land of the noble free,

Thy name I love;

I love thy rocks and rills,

Thy woods and templed hills;

My heart with rapture thrills,

Like that above.



Let music swell the breeze,

And ring from all the trees

Sweet freedom's song;

Let mortal tongues awake;

Let all that breathe partake;

Let rocks their silence break,

The sound prolong.



Our fathers' God to Thee,

Author of liberty,

To Thee we sing.

Long may our land be bright,

With freedom's holy light,

Protect us by Thy might,

Great God our King!

Did you notice who was mentioned throughout?


We've moved into the era of the progressive almighty individual with disastrous results. Let it all hang out has been the country's motto since the 1960's.

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And look where we are now! 

  • Broken families

  • Massive debt (once considered a sin deserving of “debtor’s prison”)

  • Mental illnesses on the rise, even in our young

  • Addiction to alcohol and recreational drug use

  • Declining literacy

  • A dumbed-down public discourse that’s crude and vulgar



And the list goes on. But we can do things differently, do them in a way that’s in harmony with the natural order. We can raise our children to think and behave in more wholesome ways.

By homeschooling our children, we have a better chance of teaching them manners, teaching them right from wrong; and teaching them that this road does end and the life they have is the road.

I think Thomas Jefferson would agree.

I'll defer my last point to the great educator, Charlotte Mason who expressed it better than anyone else:

The wonder that Almighty God can endure so far to leave the making of an immortal being in the hands of human parents is only matched by the wonder that human parents can accept this divine trust with hardly a thought of its significance.
— Charlotte Mason

The Smart Homeschooler Academy offers its signature course: How to Give Your Child a Private-School Education at Home. Join the waiting list for the next course launch in late fall, 2019.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson combines her training in holistic medicine, parenting coach certificate, plus 17+ years working in education to provide you with a unique approach to raising and educating your children.

A veteran homeschooler herself, she now has two homeschooled children in college. 

What Kind of Parents Homeschool?!


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Many kinds of parents homeschool; there's really nothing that stands out as a common trait amongst homeschoolers, but most of us share similar concerns and values.

Homeschoolers are usually in agreement that we want our children to have a good education, and we know it's unlikely to happen in public school.

Not the kind of education we're thinking of anyhow.

Who can take the measure of a child? The Genie of the Arabian tale is nothing to him. He, too, may be let out of his bottle and fill the world. But woe to us if we keep him corked up.
— Charlotte Mason

We want our children to not only read well but to enjoy reading. To choose a book to read over a movie to watch. Not that they never watch movies, but lying in bed with a good book is something they look forward to.

Reading competently, writing skillfully, and speaking eloquently are skills most homeschoolers want to make sure their children possess.

That their children become life-long learners in pursuit of knowledge is also a concern most homeschoolers share. With studies showing that by first grade a child's innate thirst for knowledge of his world begins to wane, homeschoolers want to fiercely protect their child's curiosity.

A curiosity without which true greatness is difficult to achieve.

Homeschoolers want their children to enjoy learning for the sake of learning, not for rewards or test scores. They don't want their children subjected to arbitrary tests that serve to sort and rank them amongst their peers.

The lesson of report cards, grades and tests is that children should not trust themselves or their parents but should instead rely on the evaluation of certified officials. People need to be told what they are worth.
— John Taylor Gatto

Instead, they want their children to know that with hard work and perseverance most things are possible, and that test scores are no indication of a person's ultimate worth.

With the loss of a good environment and character training in schools, homeschoolers want to protect the integrity of their children. They want to raise them in an environment that raises them up, not brings them down.

When I was in school, the negative influences were outside the classroom, but that's not true anymore. Children are being taught some pretty inappropriate things inside those four walls.

Over the 17+ years that I've been working in education, those of us working in the trenches aren't just offering alternatives anymore. We are flat-out telling you to get your children out of the system.

It's time.

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It is time we squarely face the fact that institutionalized schoolteaching is destructive to children.
— John Taylor Gatto

Until public schools can offer a better alternative; homeschooling is the way to go.

Fortunately, homeschooling is legal in all 50 states. We need to pull together though and help each other because many women have to work. The good news is that with so many people able to work remotely now, homeschooling is becoming possible for more and more families.

Speaking of families, another thing you'll find is that homeschooling preserves the natural loyalty of a family and homeschoolers tend to be closely-knit. In public school, children learn to be loyal to their peers. I know, because it happened to me.

After my mother passed, my older sister told me that the reason my mother paid extra attention to our youngest brother was because, according to what she had told my sister, every time another child of hers went off to school, they were never quite the same towards her.

She was determined to make sure it didn't happen with her youngest child as it had with her previous six.

The curriculum of “family” is at the heart of any good life. We’ve gotten away from that curriculum – it’s time to return to it.
— john taylor gatto

It pained me to hear this; it still does. Once you develop the loyalty to your peers that public school is so notorious for fostering, it's hard to undo. Most of us aren't even aware it's there. I know I wasn’t.

We don't need studies to tell us why homeschooled families are closer-knit because it's obvious that you become close to the people you spend time with, and homeschooled families spend a lot of time together.

In contrast, public-schooled children spend a lot of time with peers, and then they go home to do homework. There isn't much time left for the family.

With more and more families homeschooling, I'm looking forward to the positive changes we'll see in our country in the coming years.

And no matter what kind of parent you are, you can choose to take part in this revolutionary shift in the way we educate our young.

Let the revolution begin!

The Smart Homeschooler Academy is now open for enrollment with its signature course: How to Give Your Child a Private-School Education at Home. Enrollment is now open through May 8th!

Elizabeth Y. Hanson combines her training in holistic medicine, parenting coach certificate, plus 17+ years working in education to provide you with a unique approach to raising and educating your children.

A veteran homeschooler herself, she now has two homeschooled children in college.