Being a mother today, with limited or no family support, is a challenge. On our best days we can feel a little like we are going nuts. And then we throw in the idea of homeschooling, at least some of us do, and then we panic for surely we will go nuts! But, it isn't actually like that and somehow most of us manage to keep ourselves relatively sane.
Read MoreHere’s One State Which Ordered the Moms to Teach Their Kids!→
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Here's another gem from the book: "Immigrants who were educated in Europe often became private schoolmasters, advertising in the newspapers that they would teach algebra, geometry, trigonometry, surveying, navigation, french, Latin, Greek, rhetoric, English, belles lettres, logic, philosophy, and other subjects. Wow! Does anyone even know anyone who knows all of this today? If we do, they are usually not found teaching children!
Read MoreAre There Times When a Child Should Not Read a Book?→
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As an activist for helping parents raise good readers, you may be surprised to hear me say that there are times when it is wrong for a child to read a book.
You see, there is an etiquette to reading just like there is an etiquette to everything in life: there’s a time to read and a time not to read.
Fortunately, unlike table manners, there are only two reading rules your child needs to learn.
THE RULES
Rule #1.
Books should never come to the dinner table or any other table where food is present. When you eat, you eat; when you read, you read.
It is uncivil to read a book at the dinner table. Meal times are a time for pleasant conversations and showing an interest in what others have to say, which is virtually impossible to do while reading.
Out of respect for books, children (nor adults) should ever eat while reading. You don't want to soil the books with food. It’s also a bad habit to eat while reading because it can lead to unwanted weight gain.
Rule #2.
Children should not read at social gatherings.
I’ve seen children plop themselves and their books in a central position to the other guests as if to holler, "Look, I have something better to do than talk to all of you!"
The accomplishment of raising a good reader, which a parent does deserves to feel proud of, should never justify a display of antisocial behavior from a child.
I’m sure I’m not the only adult who’s had conversations with kids that go something like this:
"Hi, sweety, how are you?"
Child looks up uninterestedly.
“Fine."
Child’s head goes back into book.
"What are you reading?"
"A book."
While it's fabulous, marvelous and awesome that he is reading, his manners leave a lot to be desired.
This sort of behavior is a red flag that the parents are failing to teach their child right from wrong in matters of lasting significance.
“I am always saying “Glad to’ve met you” to somebody I’m not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.”
Reading a book should never take precedence over socializing with a guest.
It's not that a child should leave his books at home when he goes out. He can take a book on an airplane, for a long drive, or to the doctor's office. But when it comes to socializing, he should put the book down and practice his social skills.
“Politeness [is] a sign of dignity, not subservience.”
WHAT ABOUT SOCIALIZATION?
Engaging in social activities can be uncomfortable and awkward for young children, especially if they're shy. Hiding their face in a book is one way to avoid the awkwardness.
But it's not the right way.
The right thing to do and the thing most beneficial for your child is to let him face his shyness by engaging in conversation with others. Children do not develop good social skills in a vacuum, they learn them by socializing. In other words, through practice.
As Daniel Goleman demonstrates in his ground-breaking book, Emotional Intelligence, good social skills–which are predicated upon good manners–are the basis for just about everything in life that will make a person happy: a successful marriage, good relationships with one's children, long-term friendships, and a successful career.
And Goleman's research proves that there are even times when a child should not read a book!
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
4 Strategies to Raise Children of Good Character →
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Societal influences can make it easy or difficult to raise a child who is well-mannered, respectful, and resourceful.
In today’s social climate, we face many parenting challenges, but there are strategies you can implement to ensure a better outcome for your family.
When our children are young, we want to train them to do the right thing, so they develop the right habits in childhood and learn to make the right choices.
“Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.”
It begins with little things such as learning to pick up after themselves, doing chores before they play, and learning to be considerate of other people's needs.
Role Models
Good role models in a child’s life are essential. If the parents treat each other courteously, are respectful towards family and friends, and honest and helpful with others, the children are more likely to follow suit.
Discipline
As no child is born a civilized human being, there is also a training through discipline that has to occur, too. In fact, raising our children to become civilized human beings is the essence of our work.
Good parents can produce bad children; there are no guarantees that children turn out well.
Discipline is key to developing the qualities that make up good character, as it takes discipline to do what is demanded of us!
Think of how much discipline it takes to pass up a piece of chocolate cake, to put away the screens, to go the gym.
Discipline is a key trait that most of us never develop. It is what sets the above-average, who reach great heights in their endeavors, from those who never will.
Public School
Public school can undo your hard work, though, because rudeness and crudeness are now the norms. Children sent to school for eight hours a day where the teachers are not allowed to discipline them, are at a disadvantage.
However children who spend their days in a homeschooled environment are with adults who are able to put the time and effort into guiding the kids in the right ways.
At home, we do have authority over our children and can discipline them as needed. The right training in childhood is essential to raising a well-mannered, happy child.
Spare the rod, spoil the child, was an old adage that adults used to repeat before the 60's cultural revolution when sound parenting principles were abandoned for unproven theories.
Multi Media
Another disadvantage to raising children today is the decline in quality films and the introduction of screen activities.
The films are vulgar, the music is ribald, childhood games are on screens, and texting replaces real conversation.
On top of that, social media alone is causing a distortion of the way children see themselves and the world, leading to a host of mental health issues.
Negative influences will unravel any good work you've done to raise your children well, which is why we need to be diligent with the environments that influence our children.
The aforementioned should be a strict NO for every concerned!
The Ancient Greeks knew that bad influences in a child's life would affect their characters. It is really just a matter of common sense, something the Ancient Greeks had plenty of.
We’ve buried our head’s in the sand, though, because we believe we can put our children into these environments and all will be fine.
Our children are telling us a different story, and it’s time we start listening to them.
We have a generation of children, raised on technology, who are becoming active in the movement to protect children from the ill-effects of technology, because they can see the damage it has caused to their generation.
A Dishonest Trend
Dishonesty is a serious character defect, but it is common now. Ninety-seven percent of schoolchildren are dishonest according to statistics gathered by Vickie Abeles, who produced the documentary, Race to Nowhere.
Even without the statistics, we know from experience that we are no longer an honest society. Each of us deals with it every single day.
During the Covid days, my son took a statistics exam online, only to receive an email from the teacher announcing that some of the students had cheated on the exam.
I was told the exam was easy, too. College students cheating on an easy exam?
“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
Cheating is a habit for many children today.
When cheating on exams is pardoned with no serious repercussions, we are tolerating dishonesty and teaching our kids that it is no big deal.
But it is a big deal. Bad character is a big deal because these people cause harm to others, and they cause harm to themselves.
For sure, they don’t sleep well at night.
These students have learned to become dishonest people, because they are raised in a system that doesn't uphold the values of truth, goodness, and beauty.
It’s difficult to believe now that such values were once so honored in the West, but it is true.
In a Nutshell
Protect your children from the negative influences in society for as long as you can. Raise them in a bubble! Allow them the time to develop in healthy ways; physically, morally, and intellectually, because the bubble will burst.
When it does, you want to feel confident that you did your job well, by giving your children the right kind of start in life.
The rest is up to them.
Don’t miss our free download, 7 Steps to Protect Your Child's Mind and Heart from Negative Influences.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
Are We to Blame for the ADHD Epidemic in Our Children?→
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Actually, there is no epidemic of ADHD. It is a phantom disorder with no basis in science according to John Rosemond and Bose Ravenel's eye-opening book, The Diseasing of America's Children.
Their argument is sound.
The real epidemic is an epidemic of the inability to stay focused because we live in the Age of Distraction. A school-age child's inability to focus is not a medical disorder; it is the result of a skill he has never developed; the skill of paying attention and staying focused.
Normal, healthy children raised in wholesome ways don't suffer from the inability to focus. Prior to the 1970s when children ran free, learning and behavioral disorders in school were almost unheard of.
To be precise, only about 1 - 3% of the population in the USA were afflicted with a true disorder. To put this in perspective, during my 1960 / 70s school years, I never had a classmate who was diagnosed with a learning or behavioral disorder.
If a child was amongst the 1 - 3% afflicted with a medical disorder, the disorder was usually too extreme to enter school in the first place.
So now what? If there is no epidemic of ADHD, and if the real problem is that normal, healthy children are not learning how to focus, what can we do to correct this tragic situation?
It is tragic, too, because learning to pay attention is no small matter. Any skill we develop or any subject we study is predicated upon our ability to stay focused.
Therefore, a child who learns to focus well will learn more; a child who learns more will become smarter.
No rocket science here; it's just common sense. The tragedy is that our children are not learning to focus, they are not being well-educated, and, quite frankly, our sinking literacy rates indicate that our kids are not growing up to be as intelligent as they could be either.
First, let's qualify what we mean by "children." It would make sense that the ability to focus for longer periods would run parallel with the development of the long term memory, which begins around the third year of life.
In order to remember something, we have to stay focused on it long enough to remember it.
The idea of expecting a child under the age of three to sustain his focus is preposterous; I’m sure no one is doing this! But as the child matures, his ability to focus should increase as well.
If it is not increasing, it is most likely because the child's environment is not conducive towards learning how to pay attention and stay focused.
Children develop these skills through the practice of doing them. The question we should be asking is not why so many of our children have ADHD, but how we can create environments for our children that are conducive towards developing the skill of paying attention and staying focused.
If we are not providing this kind of an environment for our children, then, yes, the fault lies with us.
4 WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN FROM THE PHANTOM ADHD EPIDEMIC
Expect your children to listen to you without interruption. Much of the problem we are dealing with is that children are confused about who is in charge, thanks to all of the proven-not-to-work parenting theories that have been thrust on us since the 1950s.
Our job is to raise civilized human beings. Civilized human beings in little bodies learn how to focus, because they have parents who train them to listen when they speak, do their chores when they are told to, and generally behave in well-mannered ways.
Create an environment for your children to move around and explore and be independent. Young children have an insatiable curiosity, and this curiosity will lead them to an infinite number of things they will want to pay attention to, all of which will help develop their ability to focus.
This presupposes your children are not in a preschool, not sitting in front of a television, and not playing with your smart phone.
Keep quality literature in every room in your house for your older children to read. Read stories to all of your children and raise them to read quality books for fun. Reading requires focus. Reading, or listening to someone else read, will strengthen the focus muscle.
4. Keep your children away from screens! Keep your children away from screens! I'm sorry to tell you this, but there is no way around it. If you want to raise smarter, happier, well-mannered children, you will need to keep them off of screens. The idea that you can limit their screen time when they are young is rubbish.
If I'm the only one who is telling you this, it is because I have done my research, I am willing to go against the grain to say what is true, even when it is unpopular, and because I have no financial interest in saying the opposite.
The research tells us to keep screens out of our children’s lives.
It's like putting a child who can't swim into the deep end of a pool, and telling him he can have five minutes in the water. A screen-fed child will drown his mind in a dumbed-down world of distraction and action-packed entertainment.
How will such a child ever learn how to think for himself?
Think of it this way: when your children are zoning out in front of a screen, they are not reading, socializing, or playing. And they are certainly not doing their chores!
When your children get older and develop a reading habit, consider introducing a movie on the weekends.
Until then, screens will only be an obstacle to engaging in activities that will help your children develop physically, emotionally, and neurologically, all of which will help to strengthen their ability to focus and pay attention.
Don’t miss our free download, 31 Screen-Free Activities to Support Your Child’s Developing Brain.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
A Foolproof Tip for Raising More Appreciative Children→
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"No matter what I do, it never seems to be enough!" is a typical complaint from your average 21st-century parent.
While parents are understandably frustrated, they're little ones are growing up to become entitled adults.
Common strategies employed to battle the empidemic of ingratitude are not working either. The Sermon is a perfect example of a strategy that has failed our children.
THE SERMON
We lecture our kids to be grateful for what they have, and our lectures fall on deaf ears. They have no idea what we are talking about. For the most part, they always had what they need and gotten what they wanted.
And even if they did register what we said, poor character traits are not conquered by lecturing.
Better not to let the trait develop in the first place!
“Take full account of what Excellencies you possess, and in gratitude remember how you would hanker after them, if you had them not.”
— Marcus Aurelius
THE SECRET
The secret, therefore, to teaching your children to appreciate the things you provide for them is to raise them to be minimalists. The less they have, the more appreciative they'll be when you give them more.
The less you indulge them with their wants, the less they'll come to expect them. When you do give your children a want, they'll be grateful, and they won't forget to say thank you.
The words of true gratitude will come roaring out of them, no prodding needed.
A minimalist philosophy isn't restricted to material goods either. You can apply it to all aspects of your children’s lives by saying “no” to them more than you say “yes.”
John Rosemond calls it Vitamin N. It's not that you want to become a contrarian and rigidly oppose everything your children ask for, but raise them to understand that their wants are not your primary concern.
“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”
— A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh
Provide your children with the things they need for emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual growth, but raise them to understand that the goal of your life is not to indulge them but to raise them well.
This isn't to say that you should never accommodate their wants, but don't make it a habit to give your children too much of what they ask for because children can ask for a lot.
What is the rule of when to give and when to give not?
It’s simple: say no 75% of the time and say yes 25% of the time. If you practice this ratio of yes’s to no’s, you’ll see the gratitude scale climb steadily in your home.
A golden parenting rule to remember is that you aren't responsible for making your children happy; that’s up to them to figure out.
And they’ll discover the secret to happiness much faster when you indulge them less.
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
Should Children Write Book Reports?→
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What is the one component to an education that will determine whether or not your child will become well-educated?
Read MoreWhat’s a Mother’s Most Precious Asset?→
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Discover 8 hacks to help a mother get more of her most precious asset.
Read MoreEven Harvard Says Young Children Do Not Need School!
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Institutions like Harvard are catching on to what child developmental psychologist have been touting for many years:: schools are not the best place for young children.
Read More4 Ways You Can Correct Your Kid's Knowledge Gaps When Homeschooling→
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Learn about 4 Ways You Can Correct Your Kid's Knowledge Gaps When Homeschooling
Read More5 Reasons Why Virtual Schools Are Harmful to Children→
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The question you should ask is this: is virtual learning the best way to homeschool, and, if not, what is an alternative that’s within your average parent’s reach?
Read More11 Ways to Convince your Spouse to Homeschool (even if you think he'll never agree!)→
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If your husband or wife’s mind is already set against homeschooling, you have to approach the situation very gingerly. It’s not wise to push our views on someone, least of all a spouse.
“It is time that we squarely face the fact that institutional schoolteaching is destructive to children.”
Usually when a spouse doesn’t agree with homeschooling, it’s because he doesn’t understand what John Taylor Gatto refers to as "the dangers of public school."
The Conversation
But you can start the conversation by asking your spouse a question, such as, "What are your hopes and goals for our children’s education?"
You have now opened the channels for him to let you know his hopes and goals in a non-threatening way. As he shares these with you, listen for his concerns too.
Once you’ve got a friendly discussion going, approach the subject of homeschooling.
If you were to consider homeschooling, would he have any objections or concerns? If so, what would those be?
The Objections
The typical objections to homeschooling are the following:
The children will be academically behind and fail to get into a reputable college.
Homeschooled kids lack good social skills.
Homeschooled children don’t have any friends.
You aren’t qualified to homeschool unless you’re an accredited teacher.
You aren’t qualified to homeschool unless you have a college degree.
Maybe your husband doesn't know any homeschoolers and the idea sounds too fantastic to him?
Keep in mind that your spouse wants what is best for his children just as much as you do.
The Persuasion
Whatever his objections are, you want to take note and ask him if he would be open to watching some videos on the subject, looking at some research, or even reading some books together.
If you keep the conversation neutral and show a genuine interest in his views and concerns, most reasonable husbands will oblige their wives.
Now, here comes the tricky part: you will need to provide him with information that is sound and relevant.
No need to panic though because we have you covered. You can download our free resource list to convince anyone about the merits of homeschooling.
The list will provide you with 11 resources to educate your husband (or anyone) about the many problems with public school and why homeschooling is the best option today.
This resource is also helpful if you have family members or friends who are strongly opposed to homeschooling.
Grab your free download here: 11 Resources to Convince Anyone to Homeschool.
Once someone truly understands what is fundamentally wrong with public school, it is near impossible to put a child into it unless the person has no other choice.
Some Cautionary Advice
Be careful about taking the attitude of proving your spouse wrong. No one likes to be proven wrong, and trying to show your spouse that you were right will not help your cause.
Instead, you want to humble yourself and be gentle in the way you handle the situation.
Go slowly.
When someone has a fixed opinion, it’s prudent to allow time for that person to shift into a new mindset.
Start early by educating your spouse when your children are young.
By the time they are ready to go to school, hopefully, you'll both be excited about homeschooling!
“School is a twelve-year jail sentence where bad habits are the only curriculum truly learned. I teach school and win awards doing it. I should know.”
Upcoming FREE Live Masterclass! Discover 3 Homeschooling Mistakes No One Tells You About! with Liz Hanson
Free Download: 11 Resources to Convince Anyone to Homeschool.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
Don't Teach Your Children About Diversity!→
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One of the beauties of homeschooling is that we can protect our children from political agendas that don't serve mankind, and the diversity issue may be one of them.
It mirrors the old military strategy of Julius Caesar's, "divide and conquer."
And Julius Caesar was no dummy.
So why is diversity the wrong conversation to have with your children? The best illustration for arguing against a topic which has divided so many of us is the example of my mother.
My mother was different from the social-justice warriors you hear about today. An original warrior, she never preached to anyone, she wasn't spouting angry rhetoric about perceived wrongs, she never felt better than you or me because of the services she did; she just helped where she saw that people needed help.
When I was a young child, my mother was very active in the Civil Rights Movement, a violent and bloody time in America. Despite the dangers, she relentlessly marched with the oppressed in their struggle for equality, more worried about their safety than she was her own.
The World Encyclopedia even included a picture of her and my sister Kathleen, who had both flown across the country to demonstrate with hundreds of other people in the historic march on Selma, Alabama, led by Martin Luther King, Jr., in 1965.
My mother is on the left, my sister is holding the sign.
As I became a young woman, my mother, who was now middle-aged, served on the board for the homeless people where she listened to their stories, helped them get shelter, and assisted people in getting back on their feet.
She said to me once that homeless people weren't the bums others thought they were; they were usually people who'd had some hardship in life with no one to fall back on for support, and they'd ended up on the streets.
Her heart always went out to the underserved amongst us.
When I hit my middle-ages, my mother, who was now an old woman, served as a volunteer teaching the Hispanic community English. She did that until she became ill at the age of ninety.
To my mother, each life mattered because each life contained a human heart and that human heart possessed inherent dignity and worth. That was the ideal my mother embodied and lived by.
Color, religion, race; those weren't labels she understood.
She recognized that we all suffer the loss of loved ones, we all worry about our children, most of us struggle with our siblings, some of us wonder if God exists and many of us question why so much killing and suffering happens in the name of religion.
There’s more sameness in us than there is difference.
The Diversity Rhetoric Questioned
Some years back, after my mother passed away, I had a series of experiences which led me to question the new diversity rhetoric that had emerged, such as the time I was asked to give a talk on education to a group of mothers from varying backgrounds.
In defense of diversity, a woman of color felt it her duty to ask me why I only promoted books written by white people. Well, I don't, I explained. I promote books for the quality of the writing and content, not because of the skin color of the author.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. ”
The fact is that there are only six canons of great literature in the world and one of them belongs to the West.
I had wanted to introduce these women to our body of great books for children—not all of whom were written by white people—but this particular mom could only see the color of my skin and what she thought was the color of the authors' skin.
Another experience was with a friend who espoused diversity ideals. When Trump became president, this particular friend of mine from an Eastern country grew livid and said to me, "The white people have shown their true colors!"
I had never seen my friend in terms of her skin color, yet she had just revealed that that was exactly how she saw me. I was her "white" friend and now my people had shown their true colors.
But the experience that took the cake was when an academic corrected me after I objected to the racism of a certain "movement" which was in vogue at the time.
She informed me that I could not accuse other people of being racist because I was white and only white people were racist. Her lack of logical reasoning dumbfounded me.
When you have lived in many different countries, as I have, you learn about different cultures and different ways of viewing the world. I can tell you first-hand that I have never met a people who did not think they were better than another people.
In every country I’ve lived in, there’s always been the majority group who believed they were better than the minority group or they were better than the people of a neighboring country.
And then there's the individuals; us. Have you ever known an individual who did not express a judgement on another individual, either verbally or by inference?
We expose our petty, self-righteous arrogance every day; she gossips too much, he's too ambitious, he's too materialistic, she's too bossy.
Whatever they is, we is above it, right?
“We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.”
We all contain seeds of the virtues in our hearts such as compassion, generosity, temperance.
However, our hearts also contain seeds of the vices, such as envy, anger, greed.
But the crowning vice is arrogance, and some of us cultivate the roots of it more than we like to admit, even to ourselves.
Yet, what is racism, if not arrogance?
The Danger of the Group
There are a lot of diverse groups in America and they largely stick to their own kind. Maybe it's a kind of religion; or a kind of race, or a kind of political ideology, but "groups" tend to keep to their own, which makes sense because, after all, they are groups.
But there is something dangerous about a clustering of kind when we base our identity on the "group" we belong to and see people outside of the "group" as the "other."
Barbara Coloroso, a parenting expert who had studied the genocide in Rwanda, said that the seeds of genocide take root when we objectify a group of people as "other."
Rather than see them as fellow human beings traveling with us through the journey of life, we see them as "different" from us.
And that's the crux of the matter. When we teach about diversity, we are teaching about differences, we are teaching about the "other."
If we allow our identity to be based on the identity of a particular group instead of our shared humanity, we lose sight of the inward bonds of our collective hearts.
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
It's not that we can't be a member in a group, but let's not be of the group. And if we have to identify with a group, then let's identify with the group of human beings who shed tears of joy and sorrow for all the same things.
That was the group to which my mother belonged.
Instead of teaching our children about our differences, I'm suggesting we raise our children to focus on our samenesses.
Genocide is genocide; it doesn't matter who is committing it or who it's being committed against.
When it comes to the innocent slaughter of women and children; regardless of their race, religion, or color, who are we being if we don't stand on the side of mercy?
Who are we when we raise our children to think in terms of "otherness" instead of the common bond of the human heart?
When we dismiss a child's book, not on whether or not the book is worth reading, but because of the skin color of the authors, haven't we ourselves nurtured the seed of genocide?
Upcoming FREE Masterclass! Discover 3 Homeschooling Mistakes No One Tells You About
with Liz Hanson
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
Don't Homeschool If Your Children Have This One Bad Habit!→
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The most frequent complaint I get from homeschooling moms is that their children don't listen to them. It's more than just a complaint because for a homeschooling mom, not listening is a serious issue.
Children who don't listen, won't obey and children who don't obey, won't get their work done. Which means that you, the homeschooling parent, will struggle to do your job well.
“The essence of successful discipline is not technique; rather, it is self-confidence.”
However, I am not suggesting that you put your children into school; but only to train them to listen before you continue homeschooling. After all, the skill of listening is a vital skill and one children must be taught.
An Effective Approach
The most effective approach would be to stop homeschooling for a short period until you get your relationship back on course with your children.
The reason for this is because the frustration everyone is feeling from the tug of war around studying is probably causing a lot of tension, and your children may develop a negative association with homeschooling if it continues.
Once your children decide that homeschooling is no fun, instead of one problem, you’ve now got two. So a break is the best strategy for this situation.
But rather than announce you are putting homeschooling on hold until they learn to obey, announce that next week will be a homeschool break week. You don't need to offer any reason other than, "Because I said so!".
The Crux of the Matter
Now, you can focus on the issue which, at the core, is a problem of disrespect. Like most parents in the West, your children are not showing you the respect you deserve.
It's a societal problem for various reasons including, but not limited to, the negative influences on children via multi-media and technology, as well as the push for modern parenting practices that sound great in theory but haven’t worked.
While there are multiple strategies that should be employed in your efforts to correct your relationship with your children, we'll focus on the primary tactic of assuming the role of leadership.
As two captains will sink a ship, you and your spouse will have to show up as one. In other words, you have one voice. What one says, the other supports, at least in front of the children. Any disagreements you have regarding your children, must be discussed privately.
Successful Parenting Traits
It's critical to understand the traits of successful parents, so you can learn to imitate them until they become your traits, too.
Successful parenting leadership…
They are decisive
They communicate clear expectations
They hold their children accountable
They assume authority (not to be confused with "authoritarian")
They set clear boundaries
They give their children age-appropriate responsibilities
They do not bend down to their children's level; they let their children look up to them
If this list sounds too authoritarian, it may be in comparison to the modern advice you've probably been given.
The question to ask yourself is, how's that working?
Your children need to see you as the authority, someone worthy of respect, someone they can trust to keep their word, and a role model they can emulate.
You want to be a good influence for your children, so you can guide them towards developing good character and excelling in your homeschool. Like us, they won't emulate someone they do not respect.
“The more attention you pay to your child, the less attention he will pay to you.”
Once you have successfully established your boundaries by assuming the role of leader, your children will listen and obey you and homeschooling will be more fun and fruitful.
Effective parenting leadership must include unconditional love, but I know you have that part covered.
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
The Six Purposes of Schooling by John Taylor Gatto→
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When people ask me why I homeschooled, I tell them I had no choice. If they knew what I knew about public education, they would homeschool too.
John Taylor Gatto was the man who opened my eyes to the nefarious agenda behind institutionalized schooling. What follows is a transcription of the key section from John’s classic speech and opus, The Underground History of American Education.
John was a brilliant and well-researched man. I have read what is below in Ingles’ book myself; it is all true.
Transcription of John’s Talk
“I have something here. I have the six purposes of schooling [from the book Principles of Secondary Education by Alexander James Inglis] as laid down in 1917 by the man whom Harvard named their Honor Lecture in Education for.
So far from being a fringe individual, this guy is the reason the Harvard Honor Lecture in Education is named as it is: The Inglis Lecture. I would like to read you the six purposes of schooling. I moved heaven and earth as it took years to find this book [Principles of Secondary Education]--just like trying to find in past years a copy of the Carol Quigley [book] Tragedy and Hope.
I learned about Inglis from a twenty year President of Harvard [1933-1953], James Bryant Conant, who was a poison gas specialist in World War I--and was in the very inner circle of the Atomic Bomb Project in World War II--was High Commissioner of Occupied Germany after the War.
So he [James Bryant Conant] wrote--there must be 20 books about the institution of schooling--of which he was completely a proponent. And he is a very, very bad writer. I forced myself to read most of these books, and one of them he says that if you really want to know what school is about, you need to pick up the book that I’m referring to Principles of Secondary Education.
Two years it took me to find a copy of the book [Principles of Secondary Education by Alexander James Inglis]--750 pages, tiny print and as dull as your imagination can be. And furthermore, it is not till you get to the very middle of the book--in an unlabelled section--that he spills the beans. Let me spill them for you.
There are six purposes, or functions, as he calls them. The first he [Alexander Inglis] calls the Adjustive Function: Schools are to establish fixed habits of reaction to authority. That’s their main purpose--habits and reactions to authority.
That is why school authorities don’t tear their hair out when somebody exposes that the Atomic Bomb wasn’t dropped on Korea, as a history book in the 1990s printed by Scott Foresman [did], and why each of these books has hundreds of substantive errors. Learning isn’t the reason the texts are distributed.
The Adjustive Function
So, first is the Adjustive Function--fixed habits. Now here comes the wonderful insight that being able to analyze the detail will give you. How can you establish whether someone has successfully developed this Automatic Reaction because people have a proclivity when they are given sensible orders to follow.
That is not what they want to teach. The only way you can measure this is to give stupid orders and people automatically follow those. Now you have achieved Function #1.
The Integrating Function
Have you ever ever wondered why some of the foolish things that schools do or allow to continue? [Function] #2, he [Inglis] calls it the Integrating Function, but it is easier to understand if you call it the Conformity Function.
It’s to make children alike as possible--the gifted children and the stupid--alike as possible because market research uses statistical sampling, and it only works if people react generally the same way.
The Directive Function
The Third Function he calls the Directive Function: School is to diagnose your proper social role and then log the evidence that here is where you are on the Great Pyramid, so that future people won’t allow you to escape that compartment.
The Differentiating Function
The Fourth Function is the Differentiating Function. Because once you have diagnosed the kids in this layer, you do not want them to learn anything that the higher layers are learning. So you teach just as far as the requirement of that layer.
The Selective Function
Number five and six are the creepiest of all! Number 5 is the Selective Function. What that means is what Darwin meant by natural selection: You are assessing the breeding quality of each individual kid. You’re doing it structurally because school teachers don’t know this is happening.
And you’re trying to use ways to prevent the poor stuff from breeding. And those ways are hanging labels--humiliating labels--around their neck, encouraging the shallowness of thinking.
I often wondered, because I came from a very very strict Scotish-Irish culture that never allowed you to leer at a girl. But when I got to NYC, the boys were pawing the girls openly and there was no redress for the girls at all, except not showing up in the classroom--high absentee rates.
Well, you are supposed to teach structurally that sexual pleasure is what you withdraw from a relationship and everything else is a waste of time and expensive.
So, the Selective Function is what Darwin meant by the favored races. The idea is to consciously improve the breeding stock. Schools are meant to tag the unfit with their inferiority by poor grades, remedial placement, and humiliation, so that their peers will accept them as inferior. And the good breeding stock among the females will reject them as possible partners.
The Propaedeutic Function
And the Sixth is the creepiest of all! And I think it is partly what Tragedy and Hope is about--a fancy Roman name, the Propaedeutic Function. Because as early as Roman bigtime thinkers, it was understood that to continue a social form required that some people be trained that they were the custodians of this. So, some small fraction of the kids are being ready to take over the project.
That’s the guy--the honor lecturer [Inglis], and it will not surprise you that his ancestors include the major-general of the siege of the Luknow of India--famous for tying the mutineers’ on the muzzle of the cannons and blowing them apart, or somebody who was forced to flee NYC, a churchman at the beginning of the American Revolution, because he wrote a refutation of Thomas Paine’s Common Sense.
They were going to tar and feather him. He fled and was rewarded by the British by making him the Bishop of Nova Scotia. Those are Inglis’ ancestors!
So, Al Inglis is certainly--when I learned of this and wrote to Harvard, asking for access to the Inglis Lecture. Strike me dead, Lord, if I’m exaggerating at all. I was told “We have no Inglis Lecture--hasn’t been for years, and we have no records.
It was the same that happened when I discovered that Elwood B. Cubberly, the most influential schoolman of the 20th century and the bionomics genius had been the elementary school editor of Houghton Mifflin, and I wrote Houghton Mifflin--Is there any record? And they said, “We have no record of anyone named Elwood P. Cubberly.
Now Harvard is telling me, “There is no Inglis Lecture. A week passed and I got a call from Harvard, from some obscure office at Harvard, saying “What is your interest in the Ingles Lecture?” I knew that I was on thin ice.
And I said, “Well, James Conant referred me in his books to the man the Inglis Lecture is named after, and I was just wondering if I could get some background on this fellow, and a list of the lectures.
And in due time, I got a list of the lectures and instructions [on] how to access the texts, but not easily. Enough hoops that someone who has to mow the lawn and burp the baby wouldn’t jump through those hoops. I was able to prove Harper’s [magazine] wouldn’t publish [it in] the cover essay I wrote, which Lew Laflin [?] named Against School, but I had called The Artificial Extension of Childhood because I think that is the key mechanism at work here.
So, they wouldn’t print the information about Cubberley because Houghton Mifflin denied it. It was only months after that I looked through my extensive library of incredibly dull books about schooling, and I opened [one]--and on the facing page said Elwood B. Cubberly, Editor and Chief of Elementary School, publishing arm of Houghton Mifflin.
By the way, the secondary Editor and Chief was Alexander Ingles. So you see how this cousinage works.”
*****
*Video transcribed by Roger Copple. To watch the full 12-minute video: The Six Purposes of Schooling [Video]
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
5 Rules of Handling Books for Civilized Children→
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When I was younger, I had a friend who was a writer and one day he saw me put a book face down on the table.
"Oh, horrors!" he exclaimed. "If you knew what went into writing a book, you would never treat it that way." (He was much older and a bit of a Henry Higgins character.)
Will you be surprised if I tell you that in all my years since, I have never once put a book face down on anything.
“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
Books contain the workings of an individual's mind, and ideas, as Aristotle taught, have a divine component to them. I was fortunate that, at a relatively young age, I was taught to respect the written word, something our youth are failing to discover.
Consider for a moment the origin of new ideas, insights, and understandings and you will begin to get a sense of the wonder of the mind.
And when you grasp that sense, and you consider that an intelligently-written book encapsulates that wonder, you will better understand my 5 rules for treating books with respect.
5 Rules for Handling a Book
1. Never Eat While Reading
Have you ever bought a used book only to find a blob of someone's ice cream or chocolate inside the pages? Talk about horrors. Eating while reading is not a good habit for two reasons:
Eating without paying attention to what you are eating can contribute to obesity. It's very easy to lose sight of how much we have eaten, when we are putting food into your mouth mindlessly. With the obesity epidemic in the West, this is a habit we do not want to inculcate in our children.
Books, like clothes, should be kept clean. I can think of no better reason than when one eats, one should eat, and when one reads, one should read. Furthermore, it was once considered poor manners to eat while reading, and I maintain that it still is.
2. Always Use a Bookmarker
You will be hard-pressed to find a book in my home without a bookmarker in it. My books are adorned with anything from a scrap of paper (not recommended) to gold-plated bookmarkers (not real gold).
You should never let your child bend the top of the page to remember where he left off! If you go into a used bookstore, as I often do, you'll notice that older books are devoid of bent pages. This is because people of earlier generations were more civilized and knew how to treat a book.
“The person, be it a gentleman or lady, who had no pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
3. Never Use a Highlighter
Have you ever come across a difficult-to-find used book only to discover that it had been marked up with yellow highlights? Pages full of yellow highlights in a book tell me only one thing, the previous reader never learned how to extract the main point from a passage.
Another abominable habit is to mark up a book in messy scribbles with ink. A neatly written note on the margin, or even a checkmark by the noteworthy passage is plenty,and a sharpened pencil is the preferred instrument.
4. Treat the Book Cover with Care
I never leave home without a book, and I would teach your children to do the same. We never know if we will get stuck in a long line, staring at the walls (or worse, some unsightly person with rings in his nose, purple-spiked hair, and trousers down to his knees) while we wait for the time to pass.
Invariably, when I forget to bring a book with me, that's the day I get stuck in the long line. It's as if the Universe is reminding me of the importance of this habit.
Back to my point, before I put my book in my purse, I wrap it up in a very thin book bag. If your child has a backpack, he’ll want to do the same. This way, neither the cover nor the pages will lose the beauty of their form.
If I can't find my book bag, I might wrap it in a scarf; anything of light material will do as long as it will hold the book in place and not weigh down my purse.
In a child’s case, overloaded backpacks can cause back problems, so you’ll want to make sure his bag is not too heavy either.
5. Travel with Care
When I travel, I wrap my books up before I place them in my suitcase. There is nothing more shattering than arriving at my destination only to find my books have been tossed about like a ship caught in a tempest.
And that, dear reader, completes my 5 rules for handling a book with respect.
Now, let me tell you about another writer friend who I will never understand. His bookshelves are full of well-read books with food stains, bent pages, torn covers, and all the horrors you can possibly imagine.
He's like a gardener who creates beautiful gardens for others to enjoy, but tramples on his own.
I realize, like my friend, you may object to my 5 rules for handling a book, but I can only defend myself by saying that obesity and pages spotted with chocolate are aesthetically unpleasing to the eye, and we should always strive to uphold that which is beautiful.
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
Replacing Ritalin with Discipline Cures Chemical Imbalances in Children→
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You may be worried that your unmanageable child has a chemical imbalance.
Or, maybe a teacher has gone as far as to suggest he should be evaluated for a behavioral disorder, such as ADHD.
What you are not told is that the cure for his difficult behavior may be as easy as a spoonful of discipline.
The Facts
According to John Rosemond, MS and Bose Ravenel, MD, "No studies to date have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that impulsivity and short attention span - the two primary symptoms of ADHD - result from physical problems or chemical imbalances in the brain."
“The ADHD Establishment would be hard-pressed to explain how, of all the American cultural groups that share a common European heritage, only the Amish have managed to not become infected with the elusive ADHD gene.”
Rosemond and Ravenel wrote an entire book on the subject called The Diseasing of America's Children: Exposing the ADHD Fiasco and Empowering Parents to Take Back Control, in which they make a strong case for old-fashioned discipline.
If you have a child who is suspect for one of the three primary behavior disorder diseases, namely ADHD, ODD, or EOBD*, it would be prudent to grab a copy of their book.
The Why
Have you ever wondered why before the progressive 1960's cultural revolution, we have no records of behavior disorders that weren't quickly eradicated by not sparing the rod?
Then, as if children had suddenly changed, behavior disorders as disease were added to the DSM manual.
Now, instead of discipline, children are given medication for their behavior.
We are neglecting to treat the real problem, which is that children are failing to grow up because we have lost the art of raising them well.
The Problem
When little Susie throws a tantrum in the middle of the department store because she wants a toy, instead of grabbing little Susie by the hand, marching her out of the store, and plopping her into the back seat of your car to let her belt it out, what do we do?
We try to talk some sense into her while shopping as she continues disturbing the peace.
We may even begin to bribe her with ice cream when she gets home if she promises to stop crying. We might even give her what she wants because we don't have the time or energy to deal with her behavior.
When Johnny fails to focus long enough to follow our homework instructions or do some chores, what do we do?
We begin to wonder if his lack of focus has a more sinister cause.
When Adam impulsively pushes his little sister or grabs a toy from another child, we begin to wonder, "Why is he so impulsive?
Could it be?"
These kind of children become prime candidates in school for being singled-out for a behavioral disorder diagnosis. The next step is to send the child for further evaluation. The psychiatrist or psychologist then notes in medical shorthand the following symptoms:
Short attention span
Lack of self-control; impulsive
Difficulty staying on task
Impatient
Tantrums
Easily frustrated
Defiant
Irresponsible
The Oversight
What the psychiatrist or psychologist fails to recognize is that these are also the symptoms of a toddler's "terrible two" behavior.
According to Rosemond and Ravenel, the medical expert has failed to recognize the obvious.
As a consequence of the progressive parenting theories that began to surface in the 1960s, children no longer learn the rules of civil behavior lest we harm their self-esteem.
“The postmodern, non-theistic religion of self-esteem has spawned a host of problems for America’s children.”
Consequently, incompetent parenting is mistaken for a behavior disorder that requires medication.
Proving how inconclusive the studies around behavior disorders are, and the impossibility of diagnosing a "chemical imbalance," Rosemond and Ravenel encourage parents to ignore the pharmaceutical cry that something is wrong with their child and look to improve their parenting skills instead.
The Reality
Prior to the 1960’s, only 1 - 3% of the population were diagnosed with problems outside the range of normal. If your child is displaying terrible two symptoms beyond the age of the terrible two's, save yourself the time and expense by self-diagnosing the problem for what it is: lax parenting.
Teach your child good manners and the code of civil conduct, and you'll see his behavior disorders miraculously disappear. A good place to start is with “please” and “thank you.”
“Look at me when I speak to you and listen,” is also good.
And, "Go to your room until you can behave," never failed anyone.
*Disclaimer: You are the best judge of your child. If you think there is a medical issue, seek medical help. But if you suspect lax parenting is at the root of your child’s behavior, then learning to lead your child with love and authority is where you want to start.
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
Discover One Key to Embrace Your Homeschool With More Joy→
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Many people have told me they homeschool because of something to do with fear. While fear of what might happen or not happen in school can be the catalyst for deciding to homeschool, we need to leave the fear behind and embrace a new attitude once we get started.
Bullying and Violence
It's not that there aren't things to fear about public education, or even private schools —absolutely there are. Bullying and violent crimes are a concern, with incidences happening more times than we have days in the year.
Sex and Drugs
Early exposure to sex and drugs is another problem in schools, especially the inappropriate classes in sex education, sexual preferences, and gender issues.
Weaker Family Bonds
Schoolchildren tend to have weaker bonds with their families, and losing our children's loyalty to peers or values we don't espouse can be devastating and wreak havoc on the entire family.
Too Much Technology
Excessive use of computers in the classroom, with the subsequent problem of addiction to technology, is another grave issue we face. Addiction centers are popping up more frequently and organizations to de-program our kids are becoming more popular.
Lack of Concern for Character Development
Because schools no longer uphold standards of behavior based on traditional values, good character development is something we must concern ourselves with.
How can we raise children of good character if they are in poor moral environments for a large number of hours per day?
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Substandard Education
And last, but not least, education. Putting a child through 12 years of school to find he doesn't enjoy reading, cannot write a persuasive essay, and is unable to think critically is a reality too many parents face today.
While all of the above reasons may motivate us to keep our children out of school, we want to climb onto higher ground when we are homeschooling.
Fear is an emotion that triggers feelings of isolation, disconnectedness, anxiety, apprehension, . and this is exactly how many homeschoolers say they feel.
Fear, at times, is necessary. In this case, it served its purpose; it motivated us to homeschool. But now it’s time to shift our attitude.
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
Another Perspective
Instead of fear, why not embrace the joy of homeschooling?
If we can discover a strong "why" for homeschooling, it will be easier to stay the course, put our hearts into our work, and enjoy teaching our own.
We want to turn our backs on the "fear" motivator and embrace the "love" motivator.
To do this, we need to discover a love for why we are homeschooling. Fortunately, there are many “loves” to choose from. They come in the form of your “why,” your primary reason for homeschooling; a reason which keeps you motivated even on days when you feel tired and overwhelmed.
Discovering Your "Why"
Discovering our "why" simply means reflecting on that which is most valuable to us as parents. What is it that we want most for our children and for our family? What is it that we would love the most if we were to see it happen?
Strong Family Bonds
Your "why" does not have to be the same as someone else's "why" either. Nurturing a strong bond with your children, and therefore, building a stronger family might be what you care most about.
Training of the Mind
For someone else, it might be the training of the mind and raising children who are not fooled by propaganda or misled by faulty thinking, but they can think critically and develop their own ideas and opinions.
Nurturing Children’s Hearts
Maybe you want to protect your child's heart from the inappropriate things that are being taught in school today, such as sex-education, gender issues, and sexual preferences. There's also the issue of bullying and violence in schools today, and mass shootings which happen more frequently than we like to think.
Integrity
Or maybe, like me, you are motivated by the simple desire to raise children who have integrity and are true to themselves.
Whatever your "why" is, write it down and let it be your homeschooling mantra. On the days when you feel overwhelmed or out of patience with your children, remember your "why" and never look back.
Homeschooling is the best gift you can give your children; it is the gift of your time and the training of their minds and hearts.
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
What I Would Say if These Parents Had Called Me to Chat→
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A friend sent me a telling article from the Guardian (UK newspaper) on home-education in the UK. Whether it's the UK, the USA, or Europe, it doesn't matter. Parents are parents and the concerns are similar.
I will say that while reading this article, I felt a little frustrated by what I was reading. With homeschooling, when it is thrust upon us from a lack of other options, it comes down to how we choose to look at it. Do we embrace the challenge or resist it?
So, here's what I'd say to the parents in this article if they had shared their concerns with me.
(The quotes are excerpted from the Guardian article.)
Julie
"My child had been struggling with the school environment from the start,” Julie said. “She’s autistic, has sensory difficulties, finds noise and lights difficult, but is academically clever. She found it so hard to navigate relationships with peers and her anxiety was so intense she was mostly mute at school.” —Julie
“Julie’s daughter, now nine, has been home educated since, an experience Julie describes as “distressing” due to her lack of knowledge about teaching and home learning, and a lack of support.” —Guardian
The Support I Offer Julie
Julie, why do you think you have no knowledge about teaching? You are your child's first teacher; you have been teaching her since the day she was born. All parents are teachers of their children.
While moving into academic teaching may seem daunting at first, there isn't anything during the elementary years that, with a few tools under our belts, we can't tackle. I agree that you need to know what you are doing, but there are resources available in the homeschooling community to give you the understanding and confidence to homeschool successfully.
An academically clever child is a joy to teach. If you have a child who is eager to learn, as you indicated your daughter is, then you are doing better than many parents whose children are plugged in and disengaged. Consider this a huge plus when homeschooling, because it makes your work so much easier.
As for support, if you join local homeschooling social groups for your children, you will also find companionship and support amongst the parents.
Mathew
“After the switch to secondary school he started having anxiety attacks that slowly escalated,” Matthew said. “They were mainly related to tests, homework demands, and managing expectations. The chaotic and uncertain environment of frequent supply teachers, constantly shifting timetables and bullying made it very difficult for him to cope.”
“Our son’s panic attacks have mostly disappeared, he’s gained confidence and has been making better progress academically, because we’ve been able to tailor the topics more closely to his interests and ability. But much of this success is down to the fact that we were both working as qualified teachers in the past. I worry about all the people in a similar situation who aren’t teachers, and don’t have understanding employers – mine has allowed me to work flexibly from home.”
Quelling Mathew’s Concerns
You did the right thing by removing your child from a distressing environment during the years when every experience is magnified and contributes to the formation of his character and personality. And I'm so happy to hear he is doing significantly better, though, I'm not surprised!
Mathew, while it's kind of you to be concerned about homeschooling parents who aren't certified as teachers, I would beg to disagree with you. Your success is not because you and your wife were former teachers; it’s because you are homeschooling.
Studies show that parents—whether professional teachers or not—are just as qualified to teach their children and do a very good job of it, and that children learn better at home. While being a professional teacher may give you a sense of confidence, initially, it really will make no difference in the long run.
Catherine
“Catherine, 50, a teacher from Brighton, who also said that she took her daughter, who has ASC [autism spectrum condition], out of school to avoid fines for poor attendance, is one of many parents who switched to online school.” —Guardian
“She started just on two subjects but now does a full eight and is choosing options for GCSEs. She’s engaged and enjoying her learning, it’s been wonderful.
It is a struggle financially, though. The online school costs £300 a month. I’m a single mum and had to give up working outside the home. I get by on whatever remote work I can find and benefits. I also worry that if my daughter wants to go to university or work in an office environment she will have had no exposure to that kind of thing.” —Catherine
Some Suggestions for Catherine
Catherine, your concerns are valid. Your daughter needs to be engaged in the real world with real people, so she can better develop the social and emotional aspects of her character and personality.
While sitting in front of a computer to learn may seem easier, it is not going to give her the tools she needs to function well in the world, especially if she is already struggling with an autism diagnosis.
It's much easier to homeschool using real books, it costs far less, and your daughter will have time for more social engagements, which will help her develop better social skills. As you said yourself, she needs to be engaged so when she is ready to go out on her own, she can manage.
The 300 sterling you save each month by getting her offline, you can put towards extra-curricular studies for your daughter, such as piano lessons, tennis lessons, or learning French.
Oh, one last thing, you mentioned you worked remotely. When you homeschool using real books, your daughter's homeschooling day is much shorter, too, so you will still have time to work.
Liza
“While many parents praised the advantages of online schooling, some were less convinced, among them 46-year-old Liza, from Walsall, who said her daughter had struggled with online lessons after she left school at the end of year 10 due to bullying.” —Guardian
“I’ve spent over £2,000 on tutors since September, and £1,000 so she can sit exams. She’s better now, however socially it’s been very hard. She’s very isolated, my husband and I both work full-time.” —Liza
An Idea for Liza
Liza, kudos to you for removing your daughter from the world of screen learning and back into the world of books.
I’m sorry about the tutoring expense, as it is a lot, but one of the things you might consider doing is to hire an undergrad college student instead of paying full price for a professional tutor. Also, can your daughter join any extra-curricular clubs for social interaction?
She does need to socialize, especially at her tender age, as friends are very important for teenagers.
Anonymous
“One parent, who wanted to stay anonymous, said they had taken their child out of year 6 last September because of unmet needs in school, and desperately hoped they would be able to return as soon as possible.” — Guardian
“The experience [of home education] is not great, my child is now struggling to leave the house and is missing out on socializing with peers. She’s too anxious to attend home education meet-ups. We need the correct support so she can attend school. It’s so unfair.” — Anon
My advice to anonymous
(I have to assume the child is in front of the computer all day because of the socialization issue)
Naturally, she will long for her peers because she has already established a relationship with them. This is a good sign because we know she is capable of establishing good social relationships, but she's probably become socially anxious because of the excessive screen-time use and lack of social contact.
My first plan would be to get her off the screens and get her learning with real books. You might consider starting a book club or some kind of a program in your home with other homeschooled children.
Instead of having to go out and meet people, your daughter could meet them while feeling safe at home. Once she gets used to socializing again and has a few new friends, she'll be better able to venture into new social situations without panicking or refusing to leave the house.
My Thoughts on This Article
What is concering to me is that as parents, we want what is best for our children, and we will do whatever it takes to provide it; yet, too many parents feel dis-empowered when it comes to their child's education.
After 22 years of working with parents of school-age children, I know that this mindset is not uncommon.
We have to remember that our children’s education can make or break them. Not a single government in the entire world is providing a sound education for children. It's up to us to make sure it happens.
Together, we can do it.
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework to raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of better character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated. She also provides you with the tools and support you need to homeschool successfully.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
5 Ways Schools Kill Your Child's Love of Learning→
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Children come into this world curious and ready to learn. They have just enough hearing and sight to kickstart the wiring of their brain.
They are born to know. Literally.
It's a profound characteristic because it begs the question, know what? And in that lies the secret to life.
If the desire to know is how we tackle the mysteries of life, including who we are, why we are here, and where we are going, then shouldn't we protect our children's desire to know at whatever cost?
Shouldn't it be our #1 priority? I take the position that it should be which begs another question: Well, how do we do that?
One of the ways we do it is by not putting our children into school because, ironically, schools will kill our children's curiosity and love of learning.
John Taylor Gatto, an award-winning teacher and author of the best seller, Dumbing Us Down, said that schools are dangerous places for kids. That was his conclusion after teaching for 30 years.
And John was right.
1. The Confining of the Child's Mind
Children are taken out of the home and put into schools at far too early ages. Even Harvard studies show that children do not benefit from early education.
Instead of feeling safe and loved while exploring, moving, and exercising their curiosity and desire to know, children are put into organized programs where they are confined to a classroom and told what to do and when to do it.
The cuter the classroom, the more deceptive are the dangers of school.
What we know through research is that children enter preschool with their curiosity intact (as long as they are coming from the home and not from two or three years spent in daycare).
Somewhere around kindergarten and first grade, their curiosity begins to wane. That little light in their mind begins to dim.
The curious child learns that school is a place where you sit still and listen. Too many questions are not encouraged; and he learns to be quiet.
The more he suppresses his desire to know, the more dwarfed his curiosity becomes.
“The children are teach have almost no curiosity, and what little they do have is transitory. ”
It's like a Bonsai plant. When you clip the child's curiosity, his mind is hindered from growing.
As a school teacher has 30 other children to contend with, she can’t handle a lot of questions because she needs to stick to her schedule and get on with the day's lessons.
While it isn’t the teachers’ fault, the child quickly learns that his desire to know is not socially acceptable in the classroom.
2. Failure to Read
Most children are taught to read before they are developmentally ready. While some kids can manage, some can't, and some will even fail.
The children who struggle will begin to think they are not very smart, and their self-esteem will decline and their confidence will grow weak.
If school is where they go to learn things, then they conclude that they’d rather not learn anything. At least then they will not have to suffer through the frustration and embarrassment of not being able to keep up with the rest of the class.
3. Textbooks that Kill
Have you ever read a real science or history book, one that wasn't a textbook? It's a totally different experience because science and history are fascinating subjects, and if the author is a good writer, you won't be able to put the book down.
But we don't teach our children with well-written books in school. We bore them to death by imposing textbook learning on them, replete with the endless list of proscribed questions
I hated science and history in school. Juxtapose that to my homeschooled children who read quality science and history books for fun, and you'll begin to see the problem.
“The children I teach are ahistorical; they have no understanding of how the past has predestinated their own present, limits their choices, shapes their values and lives.”
Put a child into school, hand him a textbook, and threaten him with a test; and you are about to destroy any interest he had in that subject.
4. The Tricky Test
And let's not forget the exams. After reading the boring textbook, a child now has to have an exam on something he was completely uninterested in.
Not only that, but he has to guess what questions the teacher might ask, so he can memorize the answers.
And how much information will a child retain? Probably not as much as he would have if he had been interested in the subject. And he will proceed to forget most of it once the exam is over.
5. The Reward and the Punishment
And then come the grades. It doesn't matter if a child does well or he does poorly because he has studied for an exam, not for the joy of learning.
Whether he is rewarded with an “A” or punished with a “D”, he still loses.
Schools are dangerous places for kids because they destroy the one quality it takes to get a real education; the desire to know.
The Crisis in Education
We are in a crisis in education, and we have been for a long time. There is nothing to reform, because the system never worked.
As long as education is in the hands of the government, an education will never be had.
Children received a real education when the parents were in charge of the schools, prior to the 1850's and before the government introduced mass schooling.
Before then, America's parents dictated what their children learned, how they learned, and when they learned. They even dictated who they would learn from.
Fortunately, American’s have retained the right to educate their own and educating our own is exactly what we need to do.
“That certified teaching experts like me are deemed necessary to make learning happen is a fraud and a scam.”
Unless you want the government's dumbed down version of an education for your children, you will need to keep them out of school.
At home, you can preserve their love of learning and desire to know about the things that will matter to them in life.
And, following sound principles and methods, you can give them a stellar education.
Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.
When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework to raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of better character.
As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated. She also provides you with the tools and support you need to homeschool successfully.
Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.
For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling
