10 Valuable Lessons Owning a Pet Can Teach Your Child

Children are fascinated by animals, and they love pets. Every child, when he or she reaches a certain age, will want to own a pet.

Unless you have always been a pet lover and owned a pet before your kids came along, you may be thinking something like what I thought when my children first asked me if they could have a pet, "Not over my dead body!" 

As if I didn't have enough to do already.

And then they grew a little older, and they persuaded me to buy them one rabbit each, and they promised me until they were blue in the face that they would take care of their pets. 

So I relented.

The surprise was on me: my children learned several meaningful life lessons and skills from owning and caring for their rabbits, and I became convinced that no child should experience childhood without owning a pet, too. 

“Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled”

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Lesson One

The first lesson they learned was responsibility. I made it clear from day one that I would, under no circumstances, care for the rabbits, and I put the onus entirely upon them to ensure the rabbits were fed and had their cage cleaned out once a week.

I don't remember my children ever failing to meet this responsibility, nor do I remember the rabbits ever going without food. 

Lesson Two

I instructed them to sort out who did what and when they did it, which meant they had to practice the skill of negotiation, which they did brilliantly.

They set up a schedule where my son, who was a morning person, fed the rabbits in the morning. My daughter, who has always been a night owl, fed them in the evening. They took turns cleaning the cage out too; one cleaned it out one week, and the other, the next.

Lesson Three

They also had to pay for their rabbit's food out of their weekly allowance. To do this, they learned how to budget their money to keep their rabbits fed.

Lesson Four

Because I worked and homeschooled, my schedule was tight. The pet feed store was about a half an hour away. My children had to remind me in advance when they would need a ride to the pet feed store to buy more rabbit pellets and hay, so I could schedule it into my week. 

I think this would fall under "planning," no?

Needless to say, they fell in love with their rabbits. Stella and Alfie were a source of childhood joy for them; they adored these little creatures.

Lesson Five

They learned how babies were born, too, and witnessed the maternal instinct in action. One day, Stella, the black bunny, started doing funny things in the cage. She was moving the hay around and making a pile of it inside the little house the rabbits had for shelter in their cage. 

A few hours later, we discovered her giving birth to six little bunnies. My daughter had kept saying that she thought she was pregnant, but I kept thinking that was impossible. 

Wishful thinking would be more like it.

Lesson Six

As the bunnies grew, my children gave them each a name based on their particular personalities or physical characteristics. There was one bunny that was the runt of the group, and they named her Shadow.

I loved the sense of poetry in her name; two little kids naming the runt of the litter Shadow. I put this lesson under “observation,” a vital skill in life if you are to understand, not who people pretend to be, but who they really are.

Lesson Seven

They learned about death, too. We went overseas one year for three months and left our bunnies under the care of some friends. About halfway through our trip we received a phone call that the little Shadow had died. 

Grief-stricken, my children discovered that death follows life and that their bunny was now in bunny Heaven. I explained to them that we are given gifts in our lives, and sometimes those gifts are taken away, and we need to learn to deal with the loss and trust that everything is as it should be. 

And I convinced them that Shadow was happy where ever she was, and they accepted her death gracefully.

Lesson Eight, Part One

When we returned home, we found that the white Rabbit, Alfie, had funny bumps in his ears. Off to the vet we went with poor little Alfie shaking uncontrollably in his rabbit carrier The vet announced that he had ear mites and gave us some liquid medicine that needed to be administered two times every day. 

My daughter, a natural caregiver, took it upon herself to give Alfie his daily and nightly doses. We read about ear mites and how much discomfort Alfie was in, and we all felt pain for him. 

We bemoaned the fact that it took us several weeks before we realized he had even been in extreme discomfort, which made us feel even worse.

Children nurture their natural compassion and empathy by caring for a pet. Little Alfie was prone to a disorder that cost us $1000 at the vet the first time he succumbed to it. After that, I did a little research and learned that we could treat him naturally at home. 

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened”

— Anatole France

I cannot count how many nights, over the years, we had to take turns keeping a watch on Alfie and giving him natural medicine until his system kicked back in. Sometimes we would even watch the sunrise together, and the immense relief and elation we felt when he bounced back was indescribable. 

Lesson Eight, Part Two

My kids even wrote a story about Alfie and Stella from a rabbit's perspective.

The rabbits were the civilized animals who were constantly being interrupted by these strange looking creatures who wanted to pick them up and hold them every day and who tried to put funny restraints on them and make them walk in the backyard (bunny harnesses; we never could get them to move) when they would rather eat and lie in the sun. 

From Alfie and Stella's eyes, we learned about the daily habits and peculiarities of my children's lives. 

Lesson Nine

And then we moved. We drove cross-country to Pennsylvania; me, two teenagers, and two rabbits.

It was a long haul for the rabbits, and I wasn't even sure they'd survive the trip, but I took the chance anyway. I knew my children would grow homesick, and their rabbits would make it less so, which both proved true.

What I didn't anticipate was having to make the move all over again, but we did. Only this time, my children and the rabbits were older, and we realized that the rabbits would probably not survive the journey back to California.

So we found a farm with a kind woman who loved caring for animals, and my kids put the rabbits in their new cage. Feeling that they were under good care, we turned around and headed back to the West Coast.

And that was that. A heavy-hearted but brief parting of ways.

Lesson Ten

There was one thing I didn't mention. The rabbits saved me from something I remember my parents having to do that was very awkward. 

Thanks to a book on rabbit care, my children learned about the birds and the bees. They put two and two together, and voila.

One day the lightbulb went off, and they came running to me and said, "Mom, we just figured something out...!"

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.

As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.

Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.

Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.

Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling

Cultivating an Independent Mind Begins with a Glass of Water

There is nothing worse than a child clinging to your side while whining for this or that, right? We've all been there. 

We forget that children are capable little beings, and if they want something, they'll get it. When did your three-year-old need help getting the chocolate bar off the kitchen counter or getting a cookie out of the cookie jar?! 

Curiously, children never ask us to help them get things they know we don't want them to have; instead, they get it for themselves because they know that we will not. 

Yet when it comes to something as simple as a glass of water, suddenly, they are helpless as a newborn babe in a mother's arms. 

Being busy and preoccupied, we seldom stop to think about whether or not our child is capable of getting his own glass of water; we automatically get it for him. 

And herein lies the problem: the more we do for our children, the less they do for themselves. Isn't this true in life for adults too?

If someone offers to cook us dinner, we aren't going to refuse, are we? But if they didn't offer, we'd get up and cook it ourselves.

If someone suggested we go out for the day while they come over and clean our entire house, we aren't going to complain, are we?

But if no one cleans our house, unless we have a housecleaner, we will clean it ourselves, won't we? 

Why do we think children will act differently when we offer to assist them or comply to their demands just because they asked?

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

— Dr. Seuss

Children are people in little bodies, as Dr. Seuss liked to remind us.  Do more for them, and they'll do less for themselves, that's why you want to teach them as early as possible to get their own glass of water.

And while you're at it, teach them to make their bed, put their clothes away, and get their own snacks too! 

They are perfectly capable of doing these things as long as things are within their reach, and then you show them exactly how to do it.

Raise them to understand that you expect them to attend to their own needs as much as they are able.

Don't entertain the idea that they are not capable or that you are a bad parent by not excessively catering to your children’s whims.

Here's a novel idea for you instead: you don't meet their demands all day long, but you have them meet yours. Teach your children to get you a glass of water and a snack when you are busy! 

It might sound like child labor to some, but the truth is, it's the best thing for the child's character. The more they learn to serve and take care of others, the more polished their characters will become. 

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

— Helen Keller

This isn't to suggest that you treat your child like a servant, not at all. But if you're lying down reading a book, and your child is playing quietly beside you, you could say something like, "Sweetie, please get me a glass of water." 

When he or she brings you the glass of water, look them in the eyes, smile, and with a real sense of appreciation, say "thank you. How sweet of you to get a glass of water for Mommy (or Daddy)."

And watch your child's face light up. 

You aren't a brute, you are letting your child help relieve your thirst, and we all feel better when we help others. Children love to help, and they take pride in being able to do grown-up things "all by myself." 

Your child just learned that it feels good to do a kind thing for another person, and children who do kind things for other people grow up to be kind adults. That's how character development works.

So why not let them? Why coddle children when it only leads to a sense of entitlement and bad character? 

“He that cockers his child provides for his enemy.”

— English Proverb, c. 1640

Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to Live A Triumphant Life. Enrollment is open through midnight, October 9, 2020.

Get your free copy of How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader? It comes with an 80+ book list of carefully chosen books to support your child’s intellectual development.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach, with 17 years experience working in children’s education, and a complimentary background in holistic medicine.

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5 Toys that Will Stimulate Your Preschooler's Imagination

A strong imagination is something to be treasured.

Without one, would Franklin have discovered electricity, Gutenberg the printing press, or the Wright brothers how to fly?

Rather than focus on the ABC's of learning during the preschool years, if you want to maximize your child's intellectual potential, focus on creating an environment where his or her imagination can grow, and the ABC's of learning will naturally follow.

There is a window in childhood when the brain is ripe for sprouting the seeds to imaginative growth, and that window is wide open during the first seven years of the child's life.

It is a window you don’t want your child to miss. Choosing useful toys for your child is one way you can help him or her to develop a strong imagination. With the deluge of unnatural toys produced to bring in larger and larger earnings, it's not always easy to know what to buy.

The truth is that children need very few toys. Two to three toys would be plenty, ten would be more than enough. 

Either way, here are 5 toys that will encourage a preschool child to use his or her imagination. No batteries needed.

NB Make sure to take note of the age recommendations for each toy before purchasing.

1. Wooden Blocks

An all-time favorite, a childhood isn't a childhood without building blocks. Playing with blocks leads a child into using his imagination in various ways. As he begins to play he wonders what will happen if he puts two blocks together to make a big block, or one block on top of another block, and he begins to build.

Maybe he piles his blocks too high, and they all tumble down. Now he's now got to figure out how to build them up without the blocks falling down again. Maybe he lays too many blocks horizontally and now he's run out of blocks to build up with. His mind is constantly working and growing, and the blocks will also keep him occupied for a good amount of time.

NB: Wooden blocks are preferred over plastic blocks.

Contemporary Style Blocks

This set includes 100 durable wooden blocks in 4 different colors and 9 shapes

Classic Style Blocks

This set is comprised of 60 natural-finished, smooth-sanded, solid hardwood blocks

Use the link to find other versions that you might prefer.

4. Matchbox Cars

I might not have thought to include Matchbox cars except that my son played with them for hours, and he has a great imagination. I would watch him from the kitchen window, as I was doing dishes, completely engrossed in these great car races and adventures.

2. A Doll

My apologies, but I was so horrified by the choice of dolls today that I decided it was better to suggest you make your own. Even the “American Girl” doll company, which I considered as a last desperate attempt to find you something (I love the originals, but they’re pricey), had sold out to commercialism.

I don’t care for the faceless dolls (they seem a bit creepy to me), but there is the Waldorf doll (also pricey) though, personally, I still prefer the handmade version below.

This pattern looked more like what I had in mind. I had one doll as a very young child, and except for her wooden face, she was very much like one of the dolls in the pattern.

Waldorf Doll

5. A Doll House

Every girls dream. Little brothers have fun playing with them too. This Fold & Go Mini Dollhouse is a portable wooden dollhouse that features working doors and includes 11 pieces of wooden furniture and two flexible wooden play figures.

A high-end version which is probably overkill but I thought I’d include it anyway. It’s a spacious, sturdy and versatile wooden three-level, five-room dollhouse with 19 pieces of wooden doll furniture.

6. Tinker Toys 

There is a tidbit of history behind the Tinker Toys. I included the Wikipedia link, so you can read about it. Note what inspired Charles H. Pajeau to design the Tinker Toys! Back then, the majority of children’s toys were what they could find around the house or yard to play with, and that included just about anything!

NB: There are diagrams in the box for building things. You can save these until the children are old enough to read the instructions themselves, and make the creations without driving you crazy!

What children did in the olden days is preferred for stimulating the imagination, but a few good toys are a lot of fun, too.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to Live A Triumphant Life. Enrollment is open through midnight, October 9, 2020.

Get your free copy of How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader? It comes with an 80+ book list of carefully chosen books to support your child’s intellectual development.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach, with 17 years experience working in children’s education, and a complimentary background in holistic medicine.

*All links used are Amazon affiliate links.

4 Keys to Raise a Decent Child in Indecent Times

Societal influences can make it easier or more difficult to raise a decent child. In today’s climate, it’s not always that easy, but there are some things you can do to ensure a better outcome.

When our children are young, we want to train them to do the right thing, so they develop the right habits in childhood and learn to make the right choices.

“Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.”

— Mark Twain

It begins with little things such as learning to pick up after themselves, doing chores before they play, being considerate of other people's needs, and having good manners.

Role Models

Good role models in a child’s life are essential too. If the parents treat each other courteously, if they are respectful to their family and friends, if they are honest and helpful with others, their children are more likely to follow suit.

Discipline

There is also a training through discipline that has to occur, too, as no child is born perfect no matter how good his or her role models may be.

Good parents can produce bad children; there are no guarantees that children turn out well.

You have a higher chance of having them grow up to be good people, however, if you understand how to train them in the ways of respect and obedience. 

Public School

Public school can undo your hard work, though, because rudeness and crudeness are now the norms, and the teachers have very little authority when it comes to correcting the children's behavior. 

This is telling in and of itself. Children sent to school for eight hours a day where the teachers are not allowed to discipline them are at a disadvantage to children who aren't.

In a home or private schools, adults have authority over the children and can discipline them as needed. The right training in childhood is essential to raising a well-mannered, happy child.

Spare the rod, spoil the child, was an old adage that adults used to repeat before the 60's cultural revolution when sound parenting principles were abandoned in favor of unproven new theories.

Modern Inconveniences

Today, we can add to the problem modern inconveniences such as vulgar films, ribald music, video games, social media, and inappropriate television programs, and you have a recipe for disappointment with your children.

Negative influences will unravel any good work you've done to raise your children well, which is why we need to be diligent with the environments we let influence our children.

The Ancient Greeks knew that negative influences in a child's life would help mold their character, and any educator since who has studied the classics or has an ounce of common sense, understands this too.

The rest of society has forgotten it, though, making us negligent in our duty to raise our children according to time-tested principles that work. 

A Dishonest Trend

Ninety-seven percent of schoolchildren are dishonest according to statistics gathered by Vickie Abeles, who produced the documentary, Race to Nowhere.

Even without the statistics, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out that we are no longer an honest society. 

My son recently took a statistics exam online only to receive an email from the teacher the following day, announcing that it was clear some of the students had cheated on the exam. The teacher had tracked their activity to see if they changed tabs to find the answers during the exam.

My son said the exam was easy, too, making it an even more pathetic situation. 

College students cheating on an easy exam?

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

— Friedrich Nietzsche

What happened to the concept of hard work and honesty? In this case, they didn't even have to study hard, but they still felt the need to cheat. 

Cheating is a habit for many children today.

When the lines between honesty and dishonesty become so blurred that cheating on exams becomes all too common, we have a serious problem. Cheaters are cheaters. Liars are liars. School doesn't end; real life begin, and these students suddenly turn honest again. 

They have become dishonest people. Their characters have formed this way because they are raised in a system that doesn't uphold the values of truth, goodness, and beauty; once so honored in the West.

In a Nutshell

Raise your children well, keep them out of public school, screen multi-media use when they are young (or eliminate it!), avoid inappropriate music, and surround them with natural beauty and good people.

If you do, you'll have accomplished something that is becoming more and more uncommon today; you’ll have raised decent children. That is, children who grow up with the ability to discern truth from falsehood, beauty from ugliness, and good from bad, and they’ll choose right more times than wrong.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Raise an intelligent and decent child by joining the Smart Homeschooler Academy summer program and learn how to give your child an excellent education at home.

Join our waiting list for Elizabeth’s online course: Raise Your Child Well to Live a Life He Loves.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader—a free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Using her unusual skill set, she has developed a comprehensive and unique understanding of how to raise and educate a child, and she devotes her time to help parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

5 Reasons Why You Will Love Homeschooling and Never Look Back

Fear is the #1 reason that stops most parents from homeschooling.

Once you move beyond the fear, though, and decide to homeschool anyway because public school or online schools are no longer options for you, a whole new world emerges.

Most homeschooling parents then wonder why they waited so long to embrace the teaching of their own.

Here are four homeschooling perks that will make you fall in love with your new homeschooling lifestyle.

You Own Your Time

1. While the fear is that you'll lose your free time, what you don't realize is that you gain control over your time, you don't lose it. School no longer dictates what nights the kids need to be in bed early or when you can take your vacation or when your day ends and when it begins. These decisions are now yours to make.

If you have a family party to attend on a Sunday, you can stay as late as you like, maybe treat Monday like a Sunday and begin this particular week on a Tuesday instead. If you want to travel overseas for a vacation, but not pay prime rates for high season and deal with a deluge of other tourists, you can visit off-season and adjust your homeschool schedule to fit into your vacation time. 

Compound Perks

2. The compound perks that vacations offer is that you can turn any vacation into a homeschooling day of study. Think history, art, literature, and language arts. You are no longer restricted to the classroom for study, but travel can also become a hand's on way of learning.

If vacations are more than your budget can afford, weekly outings can fill the same role. 

As for your own free time, if you learn to manage your time and manage your children well, you should be able to replenish your energy reserves weekly. If you are going to homeschool, this is essential as the state of burn-out is real.

You avoid this by planning ahead and making sure you have enough time  to fill your reserves as needed. 

Many parents today are more overwhelmed because their children run them ragged with their constant demands on their time. Parents no longer know how to establish clear boundaries with their children.

To homeschool successfully, you have to get the management of your family under control first.

Homeschooling is a job, but it isn't one that should leave you feeling exhausted. On the contrary, it should feel rewarding and fulfilling to you. If it doesn't, then something needs tweaking. 

3. Another significant stress in life that the act of homeschooling eliminates immediately is the battle parents and children endure every day regarding getting to public school, readjusting to coming home from public school, and the homework fiasco. 

All the stress these demands bring into your life melt away just like that.

Gone. 

Regarding homework, parents who help with homework are homeschooling, so why not just homeschool without all the extra pressure that comes with having your children in school?

4. Your children do not get graded and slotted into arbitrary categories of excellent, above average, average, and below average. They don't get ranked with their peers and made to feel better than they are or worse because there is no average with homeschooling. 

They don't develop false limitations about their academic ability, but they learn to do well and to excel in their studies. If they don't, you don't move them on until they do. You are a private tutor to your child when you homeschool, so you know when he knows the material and when he doesn't know it.

It's that simple.

You might do reviews with him, but you never need to test or grade him. He is competing with himself, and he naturally learns to do his best work. Sometimes, this may require a discipline tactic or two, but he is being trained in your home school to be his very best, including the work he produces.

Grading, on the other hand, is for the classroom when a teacher has no idea where each of her 30 students is concerning what she has taught them. How can she be expected to know this without testing them?

And then come the grades with the boxes children get squeezed into that help to form their perception of who they are rather than who they can become. 

5. While your children may easily find friends in public school, you may not always approve of their friends, and you seldom know the family of their friends. If your child gets in with the wrong crowd, and there is no guarantee that he or she will not, you will watch your child be brought down by bad company, and there will be little you can do to stop it. 

With homeschooling, a prudent parent will choose good friends for their children, because the children are too young to know a good influence from a bad influence. When they get older, they'll have more discernment and be able to choose wisely for themselves.

As a homeschooling family, you'll make friends with other homeschooling families. You plan social events as a family, not as individuals.

Socializing as a family is the norm in so many other parts of the world, but in the West we've lost this habit that’s so vital to our family’s well-being. 

Homeschooling is a lifestyle that puts the family back at the center again and allows us the time to build stable families with members who enjoy each other's company and are loyal to one another. 

Many homeschooling parents have told me that they felt a distance grown between them and their children once the children entered school.

Have you noticed this too?

My own mother said this about all of her children, and she had seven. It's par for the course, this social distancing, and it's impossible to avoid when children spend eight hours in school and then two to four hours doing homework in the evenings.

Your children are not with you for a large part of the day, and you don't share a social circle. When families were tighter, there was less segregation by age and more intermixing of entire families.

This mixing brings shared experiences and fond memories, which are the stuff bonds are made of.

After having gone through the public school system myself, and after homeschooling my now-grown children, I can honestly say that putting my children into public school for their elementary or middle-school years was never a serious consideration, ever. 

The homeschooling lifestyle was too good.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Increase your child’s intelligence by joining the Smart Homeschooler Academy summer program to learn how to give your child an excellent education at home.

Join our waiting list for Elizabeth’s online course: Raise Your Child Well to Live a Life He Loves.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader—a free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Using her unusual skill set, she has developed a comprehensive and unique understanding of how to raise and educate a child, and she devotes her time to help parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

Why Are Children Struggling to Grow Up?

The other day I flew to Istanbul, and I had my eyes shut on the plane so I could rest a little. A child kept crying at the top of his lungs. Thinking he must be young, I wondered why his mother had left him alone like that.

But when I opened my eyes, I found he wasn't young at all. He looked like he was about nine-or-ten-years-old.

I often see older children behaving like two-or-three-year-olds and wonder how the parents can tolerate such difficult behavior. 

Why don't we teach our children to grow up? Is it because the messages parents receive today are not in the best interest of raising a child to become a mature, responsible adult?

Parents are told things like, "he'll grow out of his tantrums, just be patient," or "don't squash his spirit," or "that's so wonderful that you let him express his feelings." 

But are these the right messages? Do they pan out in real life?

No, they don't.

Bad Behavior

It's a myth that children grow out of bad behavior, but they do grow spoiled, ill-mannered, and impossible when they are not taught to behave correctly. 

Squash a Spirit

Yes, you can indeed squash a child's spirit if you aren't careful, but you don't squash a child's spirit by teaching him good manners. On the contrary, you'll give his spirit the freedom to soar because it won't be hindered with discontents that arise from expecting to get his way all the time.

Express One’s Feelings

Expressing one's feelings is a modern attitude that hasn't served us well either. Yes, one has feelings, and many emotions will be felt like love and joy and grief and sorrow. But a preoccupation with how we feel over the consideration of others will not support harmonious relationships. 

We are so concerned with our own feelings that we forget to concern ourselves with how our spouses might feel, how our children might feel, or how the person we just cut off on the freeway might feel.

I'm not suggesting that we should deny our feelings, but only that maybe we've gone a little too far in our preoccupation with teaching a child to "express" his feelings. 

The Buzz Word

We speak a lot about good character; it's become a sort of buzz word. We presume that teaching our children to understand their feelings will build their characters, but this is incorrect.

Children think very concretely, so trying to teach a four-year-old about his feelings is like teaching a horse to bark. Children can't understand abstract concepts like their "feelings."

Nor can we teach a child to have good character. We can raise a child to choose to behave well, but we can't make a child do anything. 

Ironically, the key to developing good character is to learn self-control. Without self-control, we are at the mercy of our passions. 

One approach to teaching a child a child self-control is to say no to your child more than you say yes. This approach has nothing to do with feelings and everything to do with reigning in one’s passions.

Ironically, children are happier when you say no to them more than you say yes. 

Consider this: to appreciate something truly, we have to get it in less frequent doses. When we have something all the time, we lose the ability to enjoy it as fully and deeply because we've forgotten what life was like without it.

It's one of the ironies in life, not being able to appreciate what we have with all of our heart until we no longer have it, especially when it comes to those we love.

A husband never appreciates his wife more than he does when she goes away for a weekend and leaves him with the children. A wife never appreciates her husband more than when he's away on a business trip, and she has no support at home.

And a child never appreciates an ice cream cone more than when he hasn't had one in a long time. 

“I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks.”

— William Shakespeare

It's not always convenient to say no to a child. You may have to deal with a tantrum, rude behavior in a public place, or something else which is why our default is usually a “yes”. 

But is it helpful in the long run? Not really. The extra time you take to say no and teach your child self-control will save you both a lot of grief later. You child may moan and groan, but over time he'll be a more content child because of it because he’ll have learned some self-control. 

Therefore, one of the ways to raise a happier child is to learn to say no to your child more than you say yes. Teach him to accept things as they come, even when they are the opposite of what he expects them to be.

And teach him to appreciate what he has by giving him less of it.

Adopt this simple parenting habit, and you will help your child grow into a mature adult and live a more content life. 

Children are too indulged today, which is why they are struggling to grow up. 

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Homeschool the smart way by joining the Smart Homeschooler Academy summer program to learn how to give your child the best of an elite education at home.

Join our waiting list for Elizabeth’s online course: Raise Your Child Well to Live a Life He Loves.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader—a free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Using her unusual skill set, she has developed a comprehensive and unique understanding of how to raise and educate a child, and she devotes her time to help parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

In a Throw-Away Society, Are Mother's Dispensable Too?

Western culture promotes the idea that mothers can leave their young children to a full-time babysitter with zero impact on the child's well-being.

Creating concepts like "Primary caregiver" somehow makes the idea more palatable. But can we replace a mother’s care like we would replace a paper cup?

Babies would beg to differ.

Even though our common sense tells us our children need us, and our hearts tell us our children need us, many of us ignore this and accept the cultural untruth we hear every day that children do fine in daycare.

Still, many more of us have no choice but to work when our children are young because our country doesn't value motherhood. 

The fact is this: a baby comes into the world completely dependent upon the care of others for its survival, without which it will die. The baby's very life depends upon someone assuming 24/7 responsibility for his needs, both emotional and physical.

If we put ourselves in our baby's booties, we would see a very different perspective regarding the “primary caregiver” euphemism. 

Your Baby's Perspective

He lives in your body for nine months and has grown accustomed to the rhythm of your heartbeat. He knows the sound of your voice. He feels the pulse of your moods. And then, suddenly, one day, he experiences a traumatic event. When it is over, he finds his familiar surroundings gone. Instead, he is in an unknown place, full of lights and strange voices, and he screams. 

It's instinctual.

He screams for the one thing he comes into this world knowing; the comfort of his mother's heart. Not just her physical heart, but her metaphysical heart, too: her being. 

If she's a kind, loving, and caring mother who remains with him, he flourishes.

But if she has to go back to work two weeks after he is born, as many mothers are obligated to do today, and some even choose to do, he is placed in daycare with strangers. The stranger is contracted to play "mother" while his real mother is absent for eight or nine hours a day. 

Wouldn't it be stressful for you if you were suddenly picked up and transplanted into a world of strangers, who spoke a language you didn't understand, and you had no idea what had happened?

For a moment, just imagine what this would feel like!

The quality of the care the child gets matters very much.

A baby who receives the minimal supervision of being fed and kept clean is at risk of mental retardation and even death, as we've seen from the orphanages in Romania.

There are degrees of emotional connection we have with one another. On one end of the spectrum, a child can have an uncaring caregiver like the children in Romania, which, again, caused the deaths of many orphans. At the other end of the spectrum, a child can experience the loving care of a mother who nourishes her child and whose child thrives.

What Science Has to Say About It

Science tells us that children in daycare do not always blossom as children at home with their mothers do. Daycare children have weaker immune systems, more frequent colds and more ear infections. We know that stress suppresses our immune systems, so these findings should not surprise us. 

Science also tells us that children develop signs of mental instability as early as five years of age now. We have childhood problems such as anxiety and depression on the rise. These kinds of mental afflictions are an unprecedented modern phenomenon that correlates with the shift from full-time mother to full-time working mother.

Questionably, the conclusion to studies like these is never that babies and young children need their mothers at home instead of the office.

And what about the mother? When the working mother is home, she is fraught with the burden of domestic duties with little left for the emotional nurturing of her family. 

Stress affects our body, and it affects our mind, too; it alters our outlook on life. It's not only the baby that suffers. We can tell ourselves that everything will be all right, but unless we get our stress levels under control, we can't stop the stress from taking its toll on our well-being too.

The Broken Heart Syndrome

There was a man I once knew who was suffering from exhaustion and weight loss. At the time, he suspected he might have a chronic illness, so he went to his doctor and was put through a battery of tests, all negative. 

The doctor began to ask him about his life to see if an event could have triggered his symptoms. My friend admitted that he had been recovering from a break-up with a woman he had intended to marry. Even though a year had passed, he was still struggling with his loss.

The doctor's diagnosis: a broken heart.

We know adults die from broken hearts; why do we expect babies to be more resilient than adults?

It's not surprising that the increase in child mortality rates also corresponds with the rise in mothers going back to work, and that significantly more SID cases happen in daycare.

Natures Infinite Protection

What about the maternal instinct that prompts us to check on our baby just in the nick of time? If you are a mother with older children, then you know it's a miracle your child survived his childhood. 

No matter how diligent we are, children will have plenty of close calls with danger; it is unavoidable. The child doesn’t fall over the precipice, though, because we get that nudge in our hearts to make sure everything is all right; but sometimes it isn't all right, and we arrive just in the nick of time to save him from a perilous situation. 

Unless she's a highly intuitive person, a daycare worker will not have this life-saving maternal instinct for the babies under her care. It's something the mother has, which is why we call it "maternal" instinct. 

One in four mothers has to return to work just weeks after her baby is born, so it should not bewilder us that America has the highest infant mortality rate of industrialized nations. Seventy-five percent of mothers work today. Three-quarters of the homes in our country are bereft of a mother during her child's prime waking hours.

The Beatles Nailed It

“Money can't buy me love,” the Beatles sang back in the 60s. No caregiver, primary or not, can match the care of a mother for her young.

If we want to build healthy, happy families, we can't leave the responsibility of raising our children to a paid employee. The well-being of your child, and the strength of your bond with your child, depends upon your being present in your child's life.

Because you, dear mother, are indispensable. 

Homeschool the smart way by joining the Smart Homeschooler Academy summer program to learn how to give your child the best of an elite education at home.

Join our waiting list for Elizabeth’s online course: Raise Your Child Well to Live a Life He Loves.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader—a free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Using her unusual skill set, she has developed a comprehensive and unique understanding of how to raise and educate a child, and she devotes her time to help parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

Dare to Homeschool! Overcoming the Fear that You Are Not Good Enough

As women, we tend to think we are not enough as we are. Add homeschooling into the mix and our list of not enoughs now includes neither smart, nor patient, nor educated enough to homeschool.

The thought of homeschooling conjures up fears that we may fail; we may disappoint our families, we may hinder our children's chances of success.

We look at brave homeschooling moms and think they are smarter, better educated, and have it more together than we do.

The truth is that even if all of these beliefs were true, which is unlikely, you could still succeed at homeschooling if you put your mind to it.

You can overcome the unwelcome thoughts in your head that say you are less than every other mother trying to give her child a better education at home. 

I'm Not Smart Enough or Educated Enough

To this, I would ask, who is? My father was in the category of truly learned men of the 20th century, and he never considered himself educated. My father's position used to baffle me until one day I understood that the more you know, the more you can comprehend how little you know.

We still can’t answer fundamental questions with 100% certainty, such as, Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going? What is the purpose of my life?

“It’s an irony of life that the most simple questions contain the greatest mysteries.”

While it is true that most of us are far less intelligent than we would have been had we been properly educated during our prime learning years, but we can always choose to correct the problem.

It’s never too late to work at developing our intellects.

We used to think the brain became fixed at a certain age and didn’t change after that, other than to decline as you aged, but neuroscientists have shown that this isn't true. The brain continues to wire itself, which is why learning unto the grave prevents ailments like dementia and Alzheimers. 

The good news is that when you homeschool, you will develop your mind alongside your children. Becoming smarter and improving your brain's capacity is a byproduct of homeschooling.

Talk to homeschooling moms you know to see how this works. You'll find that homeschooling moms always have a lot of general knowledge. The more children they have, and therefore teach, the more general knowledge they gain. They can't help it. 

Even with no college education, you will still do a better job homeschooling your children than the public school system. 

Do not let a feeling of intellectual inferiority stop you. You will rise to the occasion and become a better person yourself by having done so. 

I'm too Impatient; I could Never homeschool

You may be impatient, but you can correct this. Impatience stems from three causes: 1) a physical imbalance or 2) an emotional imbalance, 3) bad habits.

Physical Imbalance

When people are irritable and impatient, in Chinese medicine, we diagnose them with having internal heat of either an excess or deficient nature. You can correct this by dietary changes, herbs, alternative healing therapies, and lifestyle changes. 

If you feel run down and exhausted, you may be suffering from what we diagnose as deficient Qi. Exhaustion will make you feel impatient and irritable too. You'll yell at your children more, and you'll also have less time for your spouse. The latter can lead to a negative feedback loop. 

The less time you have with your spouse, the less support you feel, and the more exacerbated your symptoms become. Instead of being a respite for one another during the years when your young children are more demanding, you grow apart.

Emotional Imbalance

If you find yourself feeling resentful and unhappy with your life, it may be because you aren’t doing anything to replenish yourself. Mothers get into this state when they eliminate all the things they enjoyed doing before having children.

We get too busy, and it’s easy to stop going for bike rides or having lunches with girlfriends, or going to a movie with your spouse, Life suddenly becomes all work and no play.

Play is important for children, but it’s also important for us. Play is what rejuvenates us and keeps us going. Figure out what it is that you love doing most and build some of it back into your life.

“When enough people raise play to the status it deserves in our lives, we will find the world a better place.”

— Dr. Stuart Brown

Take care of yourself so you can take better care of those who depend on you without feeling resentful.

Bad Habits

You may have a bad habit of getting upset too quickly. In this case, you want to pay close attention to when this happens so you can start to correct your behavior. Easier said than done, I know, but you can do it.

If you get your irritability and patience level under control, homeschooling will be just one more thing you do during the day. 

You May Surprise Yourself

The other consideration is that you may believe you will be an impatient homeschooler, but once you start, you find you have more patience than you realized. 

You may enjoy the homeschooling lifestyle so much that you wonder why you didn't start sooner. 

But you won't know that until you give it a try. It takes courage, and courage comes from acting despite your fear. We all experience fear, but mothers who homeschool don't let it get in their way.

The cost is too high, and they understand this. 

Homeschool the smart way by joining the Smart Homeschooler Academy summer program to learn how to give your child the best of an elite education at home.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader—a free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Using her unusual skill set, she has developed a comprehensive and unique understanding of how to raise and educate a child, and she devotes her time to help parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

Focus on Becoming a Better Person and Being a Better Parent Will Naturally Follow

Children see, children do.

There’s a painful component to raising children that we tend to overlook: they turn out just like us. About the time our children hit the teens, for better or for worse, we find ourselves staring at ourselves.

Sure, there’ll be some variations on the theme, but our strengths and our weaknesses, they will inherit. Some of our children will get more of our bad qualities, some more of our good ones, sometimes it’s a mix; but pass them on, we do.

Which is why, if we are to be the best parent we can be, we need to begin by improving our characters.

Character Improvement

To improve our characters, we need to begin by determining our strengths and weaknesses. Then we can begin to tackle our weaknesses. Determining our character flaws requires honesty and self-reflection, which can be difficult for many of us.

Not everyone is willing to take a hard, honest look at themselves. And even when we do, sometimes we think we see what isn’t there. It can be tricky.

A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. –Mark Twain

Rather than try to analyze your character and risk the chance of deluding yourself, take a hard look at your behavior instead.

How Do You Behave?

If you’re someone who tends to threaten other drivers on the road, stop; chances are you may raise a raging maniac.

If you’re someone who likes to gossip, stop; chances are you’ll raise a trivial person who creates discord between others.

If you’re someone who likes to sit around watching television and playing on the computer, stop; chances are you’ll raise an unmotivated kid who doesn’t accomplish much.

If you’re someone who tells lies, stop; chances are you’ll raise a liar.

If you’re someone who thinks you’re better than everyone else, stop; chances are you’ll raise a narcissistic tyrant.

The world works better when its citizens are humble, patient, kind, and generous.

To borrow Kennedy’s magnificent line:

Ask not what others can do for you — ask what you can do for others.

Asking what you can do for others is at the heart of good character and at the heart of raising good children.

Homeschool the smart way by joining the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child the best of an elite education at home.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader—a free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Using her unusual skill set, she has developed a comprehensive and unique understanding of how to raise and educate a child, and she devotes her time to help parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.

If you are "Homeschooling," You May as Well Homeschool

Here are some points to consider now that your children are home, and you are expected to homeschool them.

Even if you were already homeschooling, these points will serve as a good reminder of the advantages to homeschooling.

A Real Homeschooler

A "real" homeschooler does not enroll their child into a state-funded program because you understand that it's an oxymoron. You cannot homeschool and have your child enrolled in public school at the same time. They are two different approaches to a child’s education.

In other words, your are either homeschooling your child or you are not homeschooling him. And the reality is that if he is in an online program, you are not homeschooling.

He's public-schooled at home and classified as such by the state. 

Furthermore, enrolling your child in a public-schooled at home program defies the benefits to a homeschool, which are many.  It’s crucial that you understand these differences so you can make an informed decision for your family that will serve your family in the highest way.

Freedom of Choice

For starters, you want to exercise your freedom of choice regarding your child's education. You want to be free to choose when you teach, where you teach, what you teach, and how you teach and for how long you teach. 

You also want the freedom to take vacations when you want to take vacations. Vacations are very important when you are homeschooling!

When You Teach

Not all children are ready to learn all things at the same time. One of the benefits of homeschooling is to start your child when he is mature enough for formal training, and you want to let him go at his own pace.

Allowing your children to go at their own pace, teach them to compete against themselves, which fosters an independent and self-motivated spirit. It also allows them to soar ahead when the material grabs their attention or just because they can. 

It's common for homeschooled children to be above their grade level in subjects for this very reason. The system is not tethering them to mediocrity. 

What You Teach

Educate your child with books, not on a computer. Raise them to treasure the feel of a book, the smell of a book, the content of a book.

Make reading their habit, not staring at a computer screen, which is both bad for the brain and bad for the eyesight, not to mention one's overall health (think childhood obesity). 

Expand their minds with the original writing of great men and women who have made major contributions to Western civilization instead of watching sound bites by people who regurgitate what has already been regurgitated many times before. 

Educate your child to know that they can learn anything they put their mind to learning. There are few limitations to discovering the universe of the mind for a child who is raised to understand that he is capable of so much more. 

How You Teach

When you homeschool your children, they are not stuck in a regime of boring classes that consume the better part of their day.

A real homeschooling day is much, much shorter than this leaving the child time for leisure activities to help him discover who he is and what motivates him in life; to contribute towards making him a person who is interesting to others rather than a good imitator of the latest ill-mannered sitcom character. 

Where You Teach

When you are homeschooling, you can teach your child anywhere because the world is his classroom. Establish a homeschool room in your house with a desk where he can write. Let him read in the living room, let him do science and art outdoors.

Take him on road trips to learn history, travel the world with him. There is no limitation to where you can teach a homeschooled child. You can teach him anywhere, no computer needed.

These are just a few of the characteristics of a real homeschooled education. If you choose to use an online program, understand that for all intent and purposes, your are not homeschooling your child.

Despite the fancy rhetoric, he gets classified as a public schooled student by the government, with all due respect, like all the other bricks in the wall as Pink Floyd so fittingly put it. 

If you haven't seen it already, do not miss this video clip!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjrfuDAEl10.

In a nutshell, bring your children offline and into the real world of learning. Resist the pull to depend upon the state for support by assuming responsibility for your child's education, and lastly, enjoy it.

Homeschooling is a marvelous lifestyle!

Homeschool the smart way by joining the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child the best of an elite education at home.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader—a free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Using her unusual skill set, she has developed a comprehensive and unique understanding of how to raise and educate a child, and she devotes her time to help parents get it right.

Disclaimer: This is not a politically correct blog.

Replacing Ritalin with Discipline Quickly Cures Behavior Disorders

You may be worried that your unmanageable child has a behavioral disorder or maybe a teacher has suggested as much.

What you are not told is that the cure for his difficult behavior may be as easy as a spoonful of discipline.

The Facts

According to John Rosemond, MS and Bose Ravenel, MD, "No studies to date have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that impulsivity and short attention span - the two primary symptoms of ADHD - result from physical problems or chemical imbalances in the brain."

“The ADHD Establishment would be hard-pressed to explain how, of all the American cultural groups that share a common European heritage, only the Amish have managed to not become infected with the elusive ADHD gene.”

— Rosemond and Ravenel

Rosemond and Ravenel wrote an entire book on the subject called The Diseasing of America's Children: Exposing the ADHD Fiasco and Empowering Parents to Take Back Control, in which they make a strong case for old-fashioned discipline. 

If you have a child who is suspect for one of the three primary behavior disorder diseases, namely ADHD, ODD, or EOBD*, you will be wise to grab a copy of their book.

The Why

Have you ever wondered why before the progressive 1960's cultural revolution, we have no records of behavior disorders that weren't quickly eradicated by not sparing the rod?

Then, as if children had suddenly changed, behavior disorders as disease were added to the DSM manual. 

Now, instead of discipline, children are given medication for their behavior.

We are neglecting to treat the real problem, which is that children are failing to grow up because we have lost the art of raising them well. 

The Problem

When little Susie throws a tantrum in the middle of the department store because she wants a toy, instead of grabbing little Susie by the hand, marching her out of the store, and plopping her into the back seat of your car to let her belt it out, what do we do? 

We try to talk some sense into her while shopping as she continues disturbing the peace.

We may even begin to bribe her with ice cream when she gets home if she promises to stop crying. We might even give her what she wants because we don't have the time or energy to deal with her behavior. 

When Johnny fails to focus long enough to follow our homework instructions or do some chores, what do we do? 

We begin to wonder if his lack of focus has a more sinister cause.

When Adam impulsively pushes his little sister or grabs a toy from another child, we begin to wonder, "Why is he so impulsive?

Could it be?"

These kind of children become prime candidates in school for being singled-out for a behavioral disorder diagnosis. The next step is to send the child for further evaluation. The psychiatrist or psychologist then notes in medical shorthand the following symptoms:

• Short attention span

• Lack of self-control; impulsive

• Difficulty staying on task

• Impatient

• Tantrums

• Easily frustrated

• Defiant 

• Irresponsible

The Oversight

What the psychiatrist or psychologist fails to recognize is that these are also the symptoms of a toddler's "terrible two" behavior.

According to Rosemond and Ravenel, the medical expert has failed to recognize the obvious.

As a consequence of the progressive parenting theories that began to surface in the 1960s, children no longer learn the rules of civil behavior lest we harm their self-esteem.

“The postmodern, non-theistic religion of self-esteem has spawned a host of problems for America’s children.”

— Rosemond and Ravenel

Consequently, incompetent parenting is mistaken for a behavior disorder that requires medication.

Proving how inconclusive the studies around behavior disorders are, and the impossibility of diagnosing a "chemical imbalance," Rosemond and Ravenel encourage parents to ignore the pharmaceutical cry that something is wrong with their child and look to improve their parenting skills instead.

The Reality

Prior to the 1960’s, only 1 - 3% of the population were diagnosed with problems outside the range of normal. If your child is displaying terrible two symptoms beyond the age of the terrible two's, save yourself the time and expense by self-diagnosing the problem for what it is: lax parenting. 

Teach your child good manners and the code of civil conduct, and you'll see his behavior disorders miraculously disappear. A good place to start is with “please” and “thank you.”

“Look at me when I speak to you and listen,” is also good.

And, "Go to your room until you can behave," never failed anyone.

*Disclaimer: You are the best judge of your child. If you think there is a medical issue, seek medical help. But if you suspect lax parenting is at the root of your child’s behavior, then learning to lead your child with love and authority is where you want to start.

Don’t miss our free download, Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

When you join the Smart Homeschooler Academy online course for parents, Liz will share her 6-step framework, so you can raise children of higher intelligence, critical thinking, and of good character.

As a homeschooler, you will never have to worry about failing your children, because working with Liz, you will feel confident, calm, and motivated; as she guides you to train your children’s minds and nurture their characters.

Teach your child to read before sending him to school! Learn more about Elizabeth's unique course, How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

For parents of children under age seven who would like to prepare their child for social and academic success, please begin with Elizabeth’s singular online course, Raise Your Child to Thrive in Life and Excel in Learning.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 21+ years of experience working in education.

Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, and she devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.

Elizabeth is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling

6 Mistakes Parents Make that Stifle Their Child's Intelligence

Would Beethoven be Beethoven if he had been born in another time, another place, and to a family with no musical talent?

Would Tiger Woods be Tiger Woods if he hadn't grown up playing golf from a young age and been surrounded by golfers?

Would the Polgar sisters be the Polgar sisters if they hadn't grown up immersed in the world of chess and first-rate chess players?

To all of the above, the answer is unequivocally no! Genius doesn't happen in a vacuum; it is bred. Anyone savvy enough can raise a genius.

“Everyone is born a genius, but the process of living de-geniuses them.”

— Richard Buckminster Fuller

What do all three of the aforementioned people have in common? They each had a father who pushed them to become great at something.

You may be a highly intelligent person, and your offspring may also have the potential for above-average intelligence, but whether they become highly intelligent or not will depend upon how you raise them.

On the other hand, you may have average intelligence, but if you believe that you can raise a genius, and you set out to figure out how, and you implement the strategies that you learn, then chances are you will either succeed or get close enough.

For sure, you'll raise a much more intellectually precocious child than you would have had you not tried. 

Below is a list of six mistakes parents make that you want to avoid making if you would like to raise a near-genius or even a genius:

Don't put your child into school

Homeschool him/her instead. While no studies prove that homeschooled children are smarter, if there were studies conducted, I'd bet my life they would show that homeschooled children are more intelligent.

“Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why do I say this? Because children homeschooled well (not all homeschools are equal) are trained to use their minds, and consequently, their intellects are more developed. It would logically follow that they would grow up to be more intelligent.  

Also, homeschooled children are more likely to come from families who provide a more intellectually stimulating environment in the home, which is significant.

There are more reasons why a homeschooled child would be more intelligent (I teach a whole course on this subject alone!), but these two reasons should suffice for now.

Before we continue, we should qualify the term homeschooling. I'm not referring to virtual schools or public-schools-at-home, but to a state-free education with a challenging curriculum. 

It’s the much easier and more effective way to homeschool contrary to what most people are led to believe.

Do not let your child use technology

There is no quicker way to make a child utterly stupid in relation to intellectual precocity than by indulging him in hand-held devices or any other kind of electronics, including educational software and television programs. 

Allowing your child to watch Sesame Street or play video games is about the worst thing you could do.

Do not take on outside work that separates you from your young child

That you are present as a mother during your child's formative years from birth to age seven is vital to his intellectual development. 

To the best of your ability, and it isn’t always easy to do today as so many women have to work, but arrange your life so that you can afford the luxury of either staying home with your baby or bringing your baby to work.

The contemporary message mothers get is that its fine to go to work and your baby will do just as well, but this is an untruth. Children are not just fine, as is evidenced by earlier and earlier symptoms of depression, anxiety, frequent illnesses, emotional instability, and suicide during childhood. 

Think back on your own childhood when your mother went out and left you behind. Remember the anxiety you felt when she shut the door and was suddenly gone? Think of the joy, too, that you felt when she returned, and all was right with the world again. 

I remember these moments well; I'm sure you do too.

Why do we think babies are so different today?

Don't surround your child with ordinary or mediocre people

This isn’t about being a snob but you have to find people who have excelled in their fields and let them be role models for your child. Your child has to understand what's possible for him or her too.

Do not decide for your child what it is your child should love

You can still succeed at raising a genius if you do, but you have a better chance of raising a genius if you expose your child to many experiences and subjects and talented people during his elementary years. 

When he discovers the thing that ignites his heart, whether it be an academic subject, a fine art, or a sport, it's the spark you're after as that will determine whether or not he will develop enough motivation over the years to eventually become great.

Motivation is the deciding factor. When we love something enough, we do it for its own sake. The motivation is inherent in the love of the thing we do.

Do not push your child too soon

People who excel tend to fall in love with their object of interest first, and later, when they are older—around the teenage years—they begin to train for excellence seriously.

“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.”

— Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

The desire for training from comes from the heart of the student, so let it unfold in its own time and at its own pace. 

If you want to raise a genius, and I would encourage you to do so, the above points are a few pitfalls you want to avoid. 

Lastly, what do we mean by genius? It's the state of acquiring a level of mastery in one or more areas combined with originality. 

Genius is the sum total of many years of discipline and practice and hard work.

Genius is rooted in creativity; that's why getting the early years right is so vital to all that follows. The seeds of creativity sprout in the formative years from birth to age seven, but this is a whole other topic. 

“I’ve concluded that genius is as common as dirt. We suppress genius because we haven’t yet figured out how to manage a population of educated men and women. ”

— John Taylor Gatto, Author, Distinguished Educator

Homeschool the smart way by joining the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child the best of an elite education at home. Enrollment is open through April 15, 2020 with reduced Covid-19 prices to help those in need.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader—a free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler, former practicing acupuncturist, and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

Using her unusual skill set, she has developed a comprehensive and unique understanding of how to raise and educate a child, and she devotes her time towards helping parents get it right.

A veteran homeschooler, she has successfully homeschooled two children who are now in college.

3 Tips to Make Homeschooling Fun for Everyone

When parents say homeschooling is a struggle, their kids don't listen to them, and they don't know if they're doing things right, there is only one explanation: the parents neither understand the spirit nor the mechanics of homeschooling. 

Homeschooling is like religion.

Religious groups are either too outwardly focused, in which case they become focused on the rules and lose the spirit, or they become too focused on the spirit and lose the rules.

Both extremes will miss the mark.

We, mortals, are extremists. We tend to fall on one side of the tightrope or the other, but very few of us actually find the middle point in anything we do. Homeschoolers are no different. 

Parents can loosen the reins too much and let their kids do their own thing, otherwise known as unschooling. The children may fail to get a strong academic foundation that could handicap them later. in certain areas

On the other side, the parents are afraid to let go of the state leash, and they go for the public-school-at-home approach by using the charter and virtual school programs. 

While the latter option is incredibly dull and misses the point to homeschooling, the unschoolers get the idea to homeschool but they may also miss the mark. 

Most parents go for the public-school-at-home approach because this method is akin to having someone babysitting you while you're homeschooling. You may not have confidence in your ability to homeschool, and you might fear your attempts will shut the door for your children to go to college, forever. 

But if you think the public-school-at-home approach is the easier option, I can assure you that it is not.

The easiest way to homeschool is to disengage from any state / federal strings and muster up your courage to homeschool the smart way. 

“In a home school, the kid does 95% of the work.”

— John Taylor Gatto

Any parent of average intelligence and a speckle of patience can homeschool well and raise children to be highly intelligent. You can do it; do not doubt your ability to do a good job. 

It won't be perfect, but it will be good enough, and it will be far better than any public school approach.

Let me offer you 3 tips that will all add up to more fun and enjoyment while homeschooling..

1. Mindset

No one can learn everything, even in an entire lifetime. The width and breadth of all there is to know is too vast. Understand that, apart from the foundational subjects, your children will learn what they learn during the ten plus years they have to study under your tutelage. 

What they learn will be unique to each child. 

That's how homeschooling works. There's no cookie-cutter approach to learning, and this is precisely where the magic lies.

Don't make the mistake of comparing what your children know to other children, and then worrying that you aren't doing a good job. Have the mindset that as long as you are teaching them the rudimentary skills children need to learn during the elementary years, what they learn beyond that cannot be comparatively measured. 

“The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery.”

— Mark Van Doren

What they learn beyond that is what will produce a singularly, accomplished adult. It is where you will find the joy and amazement in discovering all that your child is capable of learning and of becoming. 

2) Curriculum

Understand what your children need to know to become well-educated and to have the kind of education that even most private schools no longer provide today. 

Your children deserve an elite education, and, with a little guidance, you are perfectly capable of providing one. 

Your children will not get an elite education by unschooling or doing public-school-at-home. 

My son tutors English in the tutoring center of his college, and he was shocked to discover that most students did not know how to deconstruct a sentence and that some of them did not know the essential parts that comprise a sentence. As he put it, "They are literally, illiterate."

You do not want to raise an illiterate child. 

3) Behavior

Children are raised today with the delusion that they are capable of making wise decisions for themselves when they are not. 

Because we raise them with this delusion, they don't learn to see us as the authority figure who guides them and is wiser than they are; consequently, they can be rude and poorly behaved.

If you try to homeschool this child, you will meet with resistance depending upon how delusional you raised your child to be.

Establishing the right relationship with your child, therefore, is essential if you want to homeschool, and give your child a fantastic education.

Before you even crack open a book with your child, take a few weeks to re-establish boundaries and expectations in your home. If you do this, homeschooling will be enjoyable and rewarding. If not, you'll struggle to teach your child and will probably argue with him/her a lot.

With the correct mindset, the proper curriculum, and the right relationship with your child, homeschooling is a lifestyle you will love. 

If you're not enjoying homeschooling your children, then get offline. Untie yourself from the government leash, and learn how to make this time sweet and productive.

These are your children's best learning years: do not waste them on a substandard homeschooling program. 

You have a window from birth to the teen years where you can lay the foundation for raising a genius. 

The onus is on you to learn how. 

Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child the best of an elite education at home.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader, free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education. She has two successfully homeschooled children in college.

Homeschooling with a Toddler Tugging at Your Skirt

Some parents are afraid to homeschool when they have a newborn or toddler, and other parents homeschool without thinking twice about it. 

Life is messy, but it's okay, is a helpful mindset to have when you have young children under the age of two. 

While it may be challenging to imagine homeschooling with a toddler if you've never homeschooled before, the reality is that it's manageable.

Before a child reaches age two, you'll probably work at a slower pace with your homeschooled children than you did previously unless you've trained your children to work well independently, or you can hire help.

Homeschoolers should be adept at self-study and able to work on their own; this is a large part of the homeschooling education. 

As your youngest child grows older and becomes more independent, make sure that he (she) doesn't get into the habit of expecting you by his side night and day. If you can foster his independence, you should be fine. 

It's when parents don't wean their child off of thinking the parent is there to serve them that the parent's then feel overwhelmed. They get less done because they are still at the 'beck and call' of the youngest child who will naturally become very demanding.

Assuming you’re not daunted by the idea of homeschooling with a toddler tugging at your skirt, here are a few strategies you can use to keep him occupied and lessen the chance of being interrupted while you're teaching your older children.

1) Have a special box with toys that only come out during lesson time. This box is his (her) special box that he looks forward to playing with. It should keep him occupied for a long time.

2) Make sure you give him one-on-one time before you begin teaching the others and give him some attention on the breaks.

3) After the age of three, teach him not to interrupt you. When he does, just put him back and remind him that you're teaching. 

As a general rule of thumb, a child past the age of three should be able to entertain himself for about an hour. I can attest to this first-hand because my children played for hours when they were young without interruption.

4) If necessary, hang a sign up that lets him know he cannot interrupt you until you take it down. You can hang a red sheet of construction paper on the door for "don't interrupt" and a green sheet that tells him you're available. 

If worse comes to worst, set a timer and put him in his room for a minute or two while you stand by. The point is to train him not to interrupt you as early as possible.

If the time-out sounds severe, consider this: how much more troubling will it be for him to see you annoyed and irritated every time he interrupts you? 

He's too young to understand why you're annoyed, but he's not too young to know that you're unhappy with him.

Why get into the habit with him when it is so easy to avoid? 

5) The most crucial key is to keep technology out of sight. There is no greater de-motivator of exploration and wonder than the television or smartphone.

Your children will not learn how to entertain themselves in you allow them to engage in screen use, and you will find yourself in a constant battle with them over it, which only gets worse as they grow older.

Spare yourself and your child from going down this fast road to misery. 

The facts are that many homeschoolers have large families with infants and toddlers, but that doesn't deter them from homeschooling. If anything, the more, the merrier.

You can do it if you develop the mindset that it's all right if every day doesn't go as planned, and that some chaos is par for the course when you have a child under the age of two.

Try to embrace these years with open arms instead of resistance and resentment, because they'll be over before you know it, and you'll wish you could have them back.

Are you thinking of homeschooling, but don't think you can do it with a toddler in tow?

Muster up your courage, get a plan in place, and homeschool as if you have no alternative because your child will get a better education at home.

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader, free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child an elite education at home.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education. She has two successfully homeschooled children in college.

Why You Should Say No to Extra-Curricular Activities

Do you like having too much to do; running here and there with no time to catch your breath?

I don't either, yet, isn't this what we do to our children? We over-schedule them.

We run Tommy to soccer practice, Anna to ballet, Joseph to swimming lessons, and then Tommy to his reading tutor, Anna to her riding lessons, and Joseph to his playgroup.

All this after everything the kids have to do, including chores and school / homeschool work. 

It becomes a full day for everyone; you're exhausted, your kids are tired, and yet the extra-curricular activities continue because that's what everyone does today.

We over schedule our children and fail to recognize the implications of making extra-curricular activities a priority in our family's life.

Let's look at the consequences of hyper-scheduling our kids.

• Stress levels increase for everyone

• No one has leisure time to pursue the simple pleasures in life

• Family time is compromised

• Skipped Family Meals 

• The energy expenditure leaves everyone exhausted

It's stressful to always be on the go. Our minds and our bodies crave and need downtime when we can relax and experience life at a slower pace. Children's needs aren't any different.

Why Leisure Time Matters More

Hobbies

Children need leisure time to use their creative minds to learn how to entertain themselves with hobbies like needlepoint, knitting, collecting stamps, or building model airplanes. 

Social Skills

Leisure time also allows children to go outdoors and play with the neighborhood kids or visit a friend, both of which are crucial to developing excellent social skills. 

And sometimes, like us, a child just wants to lie down and read a book. 

Read a Book

There are a lot of reasons why children don't read today, but is one of them because they haven't had enough leisure time to develop the habit of reading?

Family Time

When each child has different extra-curricular activities, there's little time for shared activities as a family. 

If you're rushing to get Anna to ballet, you have no time for an afternoon reading with your children or taking them to the park in the afternoon. 

Your family life begins to take place around extra-curricular activities; in other words, family life is not a priority for your family; extra-curricular activities are.

Lack of Energy

Some children need more downtime than others. The over-scheduling of their day can result in fatigue and a loss of enthusiasm. 

Skipped Family Meals

Often the extra-curricular activities take place in the evenings leaving no one home to cook or serve a family meal. Consequently, the family eats with dad while you rush Tommy to soccer practice. 

Putting It into Perspective

What's more important at the end of the day?

When your children are grown and gone, will it be that Tommy was a good soccer player or that your child was a responsible and active member of your family and that your family shared a close bond?

The latter is vital to everyone's well-being especially your children. Instead of over-scheduling them, let them each take one class, don't let it interfere with meal times or weekend activities, and make sure your children have enough leisure time to figure out what they enjoy doing, what they're good at, and ultimately, who they are. 

Let them unwind, gather their thoughts, settle their minds, and have enough time to replenish their energy and be ready to get up the next day and do it again.

With enthusiasm, not dread. 

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader, free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child an elite education at home.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education. She has two successfully homeschooled children in college.

Who Are the Parents That Are Changing the World?

The answer is homeschooling parents.

If you're homeschooling, pat yourself on the back because you're making a huge contribution to society, and possibly to the world. 

Let's look at the facts: 

Public-Schooled Children

1) Schooled children are more likely to grow up to be poor readers in the sense that they don’t have the skill to read the kind of literature that many first-hand sources demand of us.

When many homeschoolers educate their children using primary sources such as The Federalist Papers or the Declaration of Independence and public-schools teach their students using tertiary sources in the form of textbooks, well, the facts speak for themselves.

There's no way around this. Not being able to read primary sources will make you dependent on tertiary sources for your information. How can you think for yourself when you're dependent on other people’s interpretation of the material? 

Won't this also add to a decline of knowledge and wisdom, and therefore, to a less intelligent society?

2) Public-school children are more likely to grow up with a habit of lying and cheating. In the film, Race to Nowhere, it was revealed that 97% of public-school students lie because the testing demands are so unrealistic that the only way to pass from one grade to the next is by being dishonest. 

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

— Friedrich Nietzsche

Dishonesty breeds distrust, and no relationship can survive distrust.

It's a collective dishonesty too. When it's only one or two children that lie, it's seen as poor character, but when everyone lies, it becomes a cultural norm. The proof is all around us.

Fifty years ago, it was unusual for a person in good standing in society to lie. When in doubt, it was assumed that the person was telling the truth.

This isn't true anymore. When a person's integrity is questioned, it's assumed now that he or she is lying.

We've become a country where lying is no longer seen as shocking; instead, it's the cultural norm.

3) School children are more likely to have lower moral standards in part because their peers have more influence over them than their parents, and schools no longer encourage moral behavior.

4) School children are less likely to share strong bonds with their family or to uphold the same family values when they are grown. This lack of shared values undermines the family unit.

Isn't the family unit the cornerstone of a society?

How can there be a healthy society without healthy families? Any country with wise and just leaders will make the well-being of its families a primary concern. 

Considering the same points that were just mentioned, let's now look at how homeschooled children differ from public schooled children:

Homeschooled Children

1) Homeschooled children tend to be self-learners for life, pursuing knowledge for its own sake. They tend to have better critical thinking skills, because they are used to thinking for themselves.

They don't have unrealistic demands put on them by an educational bureaucracy comprised of businessmen like Bill Gates and Mike Milken who know more about making obscene amounts of money than they do about the educational needs of our children. 

2) Homeschooled children are typically good readers who love to and do read in their leisure time. They are continually increasing their knowledge, their understanding, and their minds, which contributes to a not dumbed-down society, a condition we desperately need to remedy. 

3) Homeschooled children tend to be better mannered, which amounts to a naturally improved character. They grow up under the supervision of parents who have the time and influence to guide them in the right ways. 

4) Homeschool children are more likely to grow up with the same values as their family contributing to a more solid family unit, and consequently, a more solid society.

Let's look at how this affects us as a country.

We claim to have high literacy rates, but it's common knowledge that we lower the standards of the tests to make us look better educated. We’re not as literate as we seem on paper.

Talk to ten high school students about their reading habits if you want to know how far from reality the literacy statistics veer.

Here's what our president had to say about it: "We're 26th in the world. 25 countries are better than us at education. And some of them are like third world countries. But we're becoming a third world country."

It is difficult to disagree with him. 

The less educated we are and the lower our moral standards are, the more mediocre a people we become. 

This, I conclude, is the reason why homeschooled children are our only hope for turning the tide on a country inflicted with a moral and intellectual malaise.

Ask any Canadians or Britons what they think of the average American intelligence? I've asked them many times, and I always get the answer I expect. A kind of embarrassed giggle and a confession that, yes, they think we are of inferior intelligence. 

It's no secret to anyone but ourselves. It's not that we are born with inferior intelligence, but that we don't develop our minds. And if we don't develop them, we can hardly use them, which is why the shameless entertainment and technology industry is making such a killing off of us. 

Why do we accept this for ourselves and our children when we can do so much better?

The human spirit is capable of greatness.

Greatness!

“Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them.”

— Shakespeare

If you're able to homeschool, please join us! Without a miracle of some sort, and until we have a better educational system in place, it's the one hope we have for a better future.

Take control of your child's education and do the best job you can do. 

With diligence and perseverance, it will be far better than the dumbing down of our children's minds that the government schools are forcing on us.

Homeschooling is a rewarding experience. It is inspiring to watch a young person discover his or her mind and put it to better use than you could ever imagine.

And if you're already homeschooling, then you know that there is nothing more satisfying than being this person's teacher. 

How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader, free guide and book list with over 80+ carefully chosen titles.

Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child an elite education at home.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education. She has two successfully homeschooled children in college.

10 Books Every Concerned Parent Should Read

The world is a little topsy-turvy right now especially when it comes to raising and educating our children.

The following books were carefully chosen as a guide to help you navigate some of the issues you will face as a parent living in the West.

1. Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate, M.D.

In trying to understand why children no longer revere their parents in the same way that my parent's generation revered their parents, I turned to Neufeld and Mate's book, Hold On to Your Kids.

Part of the answer lies within the pages of this book and will help you understand why peer pressure is so real, and how you can lose your children to peer pressure. It also contains some suggestions for how to protect the bond between you and your children. 

While their solutions are somewhat naive, if I may be so bold as to say that, the authors delineate a very real situation that every parent should understand.

2. Recovering the Lost Tools of Learning by Dorothy Sayers

This essay is Dorothy Sayer's famous critique of modern education using her great wit and brilliant insight. It's amusing as well as informative.

To raise the standard for your child's education, you need first to understand what level of academic work he's capable of doing. There's no better way to do this than to ignore the standards of modern education, and, instead, look at what school children used to learn. 

3. The Disappearance of Childhood by Neil Postman

Neil Postman was a perceptive social critic who argued that childhood was disappearing. The reason for the disappearance was the blurred lines that technology created by exposing children to the adult world too soon.

With the loss of childhood also came the loss of adulthood, which continues to present a significant problem for our society's ability to remain civil. 

4. Gwynne's Latin by N. M. Gwynne - The Introduction

Mr. Gwynne is an expert on the subject of the Latin language. He tells stories of having studied Latin for 90 minutes a day, five days a week as a schoolboy.

By the time I (and later, you) went to school, they had eliminated Latin from the curriculum. To our detriment, too, because without the study of Latin, you can never fully understand or appreciate the English language. 

People who learn Latin are better educated. It's a simple fact. The reason you should read his introduction to his Latin book is that he will give you an irrefutable argument for why you should have your children learn Latin. You can study it, too, as I do–it's never too late.

5. The Underground History of American Education by John Taylor Gatto

Gatto's opus work tells the story of how a sub-standard modern education came to be, and why you must understand it's origins so you can make informed decisions for your children when it comes to deciding how you want to educate them. 

I prefer Gatto's original work over the newly revised work of the same title. Buy a copy of the older book, if you can. His newer version was written during his last years, and intended as a three-volume set, but, sadly, he never finished it. 

6. The Platonic Tradition by Peter Kreeft

You may be wondering why I included this title? It's vital to Western civilization that we understand the ideas upon which our civilization was built so that we can protect them when they're under threat of being undermined as they are today.

We also need to pass this understanding onto our children, so they are not easily swayed by the high falutin rhetoric that robs us of our civil liberties under the guise of equality. Kreeft's book will correct the errors in understanding that brought us to where we are today.

7. Glow Kids by Nicholas Kardaras, Ph.D.

A ground-breaking book that exposes the technology industry for what it is, and the harm it's inflicting on our children during their most vulnerable years. Protect your child by reading this book and passing it on to your friends to read. We need a no-tech revolution, at least no tech in the lives of children. 

8. How to Read a Book by Mortimer Adler and Charles Van Doren

The title seems like an oxymoron, but it's not. The authors acknowledge our ability to read but also our failure to read with deep understanding. We were never taught the skill of reading beyond a rudimentary level, and this is the gap How to Read a Book attempts to fill. 

They will show you how to tackle a book in a way that will make it your own. Especially if you plan on homeschooling, you want to learn this skill so you can teach it to your children when they get older. 

9. Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto

Dumbing Us Down was Gatto's landmark book when he first entered the world of non-schooling education. He writes an easy-to-read book about the problems with modern education and why you should consider alternatives to a "school-like" training for your child.

Whether you do or not, you should understand the system so you can help your child navigate it if you decide to put him or her into school.

10. The Leipzig Connection by Paolo Lionni

How modern psychology removed the soul from the study of psychology and then coupled that soul-less subject with the department of modern education and the subsequent impact it has had on children's education. An important read!

Some of these books are inexpensive, some are more expensive, but they are all worth reading.

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Join the Smart Homeschooler Academy to learn how to give your child an elite education at home.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education. She has two successfully homeschooled children in college.

Raise a Smarter Kid with This Simple Practice

The Practice

A strong memory is the foundation of high intelligence. Having young children to memorize rhymes and poetry is an excellent way to develop their memories and their intellects.

Once they are in the formal years of instruction, you can have them memorize wise maxims and worthy passages from different books too. 

Children who are raised with the habit of doing memory work will become accustomed to it, and not shy away from it when they're older. Young children particularly love to memorize anything, so this is the prime time to do memory work with them.

“Let us not then lose even the earliest period of life, and so much the less, as the elements of learning depend on the memory alone, which not only exists in children, but is at that time of life even most tenacious.”

— Marcus Fabius Quintilianus

They won't see it as a difficult task or an impossible task like children do today, but they'll tackle it with determination, and they'll succeed which will have the added effect of building their confidence.

A Declining Skill

A useful skill that memorization teaches us is the ability to focus. In an age of constant distraction, focusing on anything for more than a second is under siege. 

There is no quicker way to lay waste to our memories than by distraction. If we aren't present in our actions and our thoughts, we shall fail to store them in our minds. This is true for our children too.

As mothers, we tend to set a bad example for our children on this point. It happens when we have young children demanding our attention while we're trying to focus on something else.

We get pulled into too many directions, which is why you often hear women complain of a declining memory after they have children. 

(Protecting your memory is another good reason to raise your children to figure things out for themselves, and thereby reduce the number of times you're interrupted during the day.)

We want to protect our children from having weak memories by starting them with memory work even before they begin grade school. Around age four would be a good time to start.

A Happy Spirit

Keep it light and fun though–you never want to put undue pressure on a child’s budding heart.

Read rhymes over and over again, and your children will memorize them without effort. Read age-appropriate poetry to your children and have them learn short stanzas by heart.

When you go to the grocery store, introduce a memory game. Have your children memorize the shopping list. You can learn it, too, and then see who remembers most of the items on the list. 

Children love this game especially since they usually win!

Learn by Heart

Memory work, or learning by heart, as it was once called, was a vital component of the Ancient Greek and Roman education. The Greeks and Romans had sophisticated memory tools to facilitate the learning by heart of epic poems.

For example, every school child in Ancient Greece would learn The Iliad and The Odyssey by heart. 

When children learn things by heart, it also helps to form their characters and their world views, which is precisely why the Greeks had their children learn epic poems about their heroes by heart.

“Learning by heart’, which speaks to the soul, has been replaced by ‘rote-learning’ and ‘learning by rote’, which are disparaging and off-putting terms that have the effect of making memorizing into a matter of using the brain as a piece of machinery.”

— Mr. Gwynne

Today, we don't have children learn anything by heart in school anymore. Not only this, but we use the term “rote” memorization and speak condescendingly of it.

Did you learn anything by heart? I never did. 

The Memory Disadvantage

Yet, the memory is a crucial component of our intelligence. People who have weaker memories are at an intellectual disadvantage over those who have strong memories.

Why would we raise our children to be at a disadvantage when they're natural inclination is to develop their memories? 

It's like preventing a child from learning to walk. Why would we physically handicap them? We wouldn’t, nor should we handicap them intellectually by failing to train their memories.

It's our job as parents and teachers to provide our children with memory work, yet, we overlook this vital element to education because "rote" memorizing is not an effective way to teach.

Rote memory work, as Mr. Gwynne points out, is not the proper term anyway. Learning by heart is a much more humane way to look at an easy method of training your child's mind to do great things. 

In our misguided efforts to spare our children the boredom of memory work, are we not dumbing them down?

Have you got your free copy of How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader? It comes with an 80+ book list of carefully chosen books to support your child’s intellectual development.

Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.

Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.

A Simple Home Adjustment to Nurture Lifelong Sibling Friendships

We have happiness down to a science now: a fulfilling marriage, a tight-knit family, supportive friends, and meaningful work. 

(A tall order, possibly?) 

There is one element, though, that's more vital than the others; it's the element of a loving family. 

You may not have the most dynamic marriage in the world, you may not have the most fulfilling work, you may not even have a lot of supportive friends, but if you've got a solid family, you have a haven of people you love and who love you and who's company brings you comfort.

“The strength of family isn’t determined by the number of members, but rather by the amount of love given and received.”

— Anonymous

And that’s a lot. 

But what makes for a loving family? Many things do but the vital component we tend to overlook fostering is closeness. The siblings in solid families tend to be close to one another.

One of the ways you can foster closeness amongst siblings is by having them share a bedroom. 

When did this idea that every child needed a separate room creep into our society? We used to build smaller homes and larger yards and have more closely-knit families.

The children shared bedrooms, and they had a lot of space outside for play and exploration.

Now we build bigger homes with miniature yards, and each child is tucked away into his private bedroom. 

6 Advantages to Shared Bedrooms

Sharing a bedroom with a sibling provides a child with many advantages including a closeness you won't get living down the hall from one another. 

1) Sharing a bedroom teaches a child to be considerate. 

Unless he wants to battle constantly with his sibling, a child quickly learns to keep his things where they belong and to respect another persons' space. 

2) Sharing a bedroom fosters the habit of sharing

Children share bedrooms, so sharing is a daily event in their lives. They learn to share a small space, and they figure out how they have to behave to get along with one another in this little space. 

After all, someday they will grow up and either be a co-worker, a roommate, or a spouse, all of which require learning to share close-quarters peacefully.

3) Night time chats build closeness

“We didn’t realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun. ”

— Winnie the Pooh

Kids will stay up at night chatting after the lights are out.

After hours conversations are crucial bonding time when kids discuss things that happened during the day, or maybe they talk about things they'll do tomorrow, or they confidentially share their dreams for the future. 

If you're worried that your children won't get enough sleep, and if you know they are going to chat after hours (while pretending you are unawares), you might consider putting them to bed a half an hour earlier rather than battle with them to be quiet at night. 

4) Negotiating the problems

Sometimes they even fight in their bedroom, and they learn how to resolve their squabbles without parental intervention. Unsupervised disagreements teach them the art of negotiation, which is a vital skill to acquire. Life is a series of negotiations. 

5) Developing independent spirits

 Bedroom time is their private time away from the supervision of the adults where siblings can discuss and do anything they want, within reason. It fosters a sense of independence which is important for a life well lived.

6) The Boogey Man

Some children feel uncomfortable at night and may even wake up in the middle of the night, but having a sibling in the room quiets this discomfort and makes them feel safe.

It's a funny phenomenon that having someone else in the room makes us feel safe even if the person is too young or too old to protect us. It's not any different for a child. 

A Family of Best Friends

Recently, I went to the wedding of a young woman I've known since she was a child. Each of her sisters spoke at her wedding. They each spoke about different things, but there was a common theme.

The theme was one of friendship. Each of the girls referred to her sisters as her "best" friends. 

“Friends come and go, but brothers (sisters) are forever.”

— Anonymous

They were from a low-income family who could only afford a two-bedroom apartment. One room was for the parents, and the other room was for the three girls. 

The girls spoke about how they stayed up after the lights went out chatting about everything from what they would wear the next day to who they would marry when they grew up.

Would they have been as close if they'd grown up in a 4000 Sq ft house, and each girl had a separate bedroom?

I would bet my life that they would not. 

With the breakdown of family bonds today, you want to do everything you can to ensure your children are close friends. Having them share a bedroom is one way to accomplish this. 

People want bigger and bigger houses today, but smaller homes are where the stronger bonds are built. 

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Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.